For a moment Snow couldn’t believe his own eyes, the horrible pain devouring his back momentarily forgotten. He even forgot he had to breathe. After all, that had been ... one of his swords, right? What twisted game was he playing now? He wouldn’t get hurt by his own sword! Right?? He wouldn’t do such a thing! There was no way he would try to kill himself! But then, above that rotten, repugnant stench, he could distinctively smell blood, and his heart jumped into a freezing beating.

Looking down at the dead weigh now pressing down on him, Snow tried to catch a glimpse of his face. But all he could see was his black hair covering his chest like a dark shadow.

With a fearful, shaky hand, Snow tried touching him.

He was faking, right? Even if he had hurt himself, surely it wasn’t anything serious. He was just trying to scare him. Just trying to deceive him. He was just being a prepotent bastard, arrogantly and one-sidedly trying to force him to bend to his will. Even in that situation! Even at the end, he still refused to accept that things just didn't change because he wanted them to change.

“N-Nox¹Literally nox (night). Nox is the name of the Clan (family name), also the name of a Province. ZaiWin uses it because he is the Governor of Nox …?” Snow’s voice trembled even more when he forced himself to utter that name, and, to his relief, he finally saw him move, his head slowly raising, only to fall on top of his chest again.

“Shit …”

Placing both hands on the icy ground, ZaiWin²Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). panted and grunted, until he was finally able to more or less hoist himself up. He could hardly breathe and his mouth tasted of blood. His head pending forward, his back hunched, he tried to catch his breath, a grimace of pain distorting his face as he pressed his own chest.

Looking up at him, Snow couldn’t stop staring in panic at how fast his pale hand became covered in blood, the red, thick substance quickly flowing through his fingers. The scent of blood was growing stronger and stronger, and something warm and wet seeped through his own clothes, making him shiver all the way to his core. He was really bleeding, and by the way his body kept aimlessly oscillating from one side to the other, it wasn’t just some minor scrap.

“And …? Hurry up … and make up … your … mind …” ZaiWin whispered, his breathing shorter and lighter as if he weren’t able to breathe any deeper than that, and Snow looked at those blue eyes now tinged with pain, his forehead covered by a thin sheet of sweat, all color drained from his face.

Tears filled his eyes. He had never wanted for any of that! He had wanted to do the right thing! To set him free and allow him to go back to his people! Allow him to go back so that he could look after them, protect them. He had wanted him to live! No matter what, he had wanted him to live! If he ended up dying anyway … what was the point of going through all that?

“Why …?”

“I told you … I ... want … you … back. It’s only ... natural … that I’ll be willing to … risk … my life … to achieve … my … objective …”

It most certainly was not! What kind of logic was that?! It was plain stupidity! And recklessness! And selfishness! And still Snow wanted him to live! Too many people depended on him. Too many people would suffer with his absence. And so, for now, the most important thing was to make sure that he would not die! He could worry about everything else afterwords. That is if he himself managed to survive, which he greatly doubted.

Grimacing from the pain of having to move, Snow reached out for him and touched his sweaty face, weakly pulling him close. His skin was burning. But the moment he tried to raise his head to kiss him, a hot hand covered his lips, pushing him back down against the ice.

“Not … that way …” ZaiWin muttered, and his heavy head fell heavily on top of his chest again, his breathing so fast and hot that Snow could feel it even through his clothes. “Not … that … way …”

Eyes widening in understanding, Snow felt his heart quiver, his stomach turning. Just the thought of it made him feel sick. And yet, after having so many people force him to do it, he could most certainly bear with it one last time, now that it was of his own choice.

Looking sideways at the icy spikes surrounding him, Snow stretched his arm and brushed two fingers against one of the sharp edges. His hands were so cold and numb that he couldn’t even feel the pain, the agonizing burning sensation on his back stealing most of his ability to feel anything else. But when he retrieved his hand he couldn’t help stare in disgust at the red color of his own blood. Well, it didn’t matter anyway. He was dying. Nox ZaiWin was dying as well. And if his accursed blood could save him, then so be it.

Looking down at the pool of black hair spread over his chest, he pressed his trembling fingers against ZaiWin’s lips, his hot breath warming his skin. They were strangely soft to the touch, and burning hot the moment ZaiWin opened his mouth and closed it around his fingers. Hissing at the scorching sensation, Snow immediately wanted to retrieve his hand, but a much stronger hand held his wrist again, keeping it in place. A hot, wet tongue licked his skin, lapping the pads of his fingers, giving him the creeps and making him cringe.

Raising his head, ZaiWin kept slowly licking his fingers and between them, as if they were the best thing he’d tasted in a long time. And, for a moment, Snow even forgot about how disgusting and nauseating that whole situation should be. The blue eyes staring at him were cold and piercing, making it hard to breathe, and the way that red tongue that kept flickering in and out of his mouth was almost hypnotic.

But then a hard, sharp pain tore through his entire body, making him arch his back. Before he had had the feeling that someone was cutting into him with a blazing iron, but now … now it was as if someone or something was breaking all his bones, as if his entire body was shattering, and all he could think of was that he couldn’t scream, that he couldn’t risk killing him after he’d just tried to save his life.

Someone pulled him up and hard, iron bars surrounded his disintegrating body, holding him in place, containing his attempts to fight his way free from that pain, even though he knew that there was no way to escape it.

“Calm down. You’ll be fine soon. You’ll be fine. It's the energetic link being reestablished. Because your daitai³Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or holy Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power.'s nature has been distorted, it's forcing things back to how they should be. Just bear with it a bit more, Snow. It will all be over soon. Just trust me.”

Gasping, because he couldn’t breathe any other way, Snow tried to get free. He wanted to throw himself on top of one of those sharp spikes of ice and be done with it! He couldn’t bear it any longer! But he couldn’t move. Not even his head, a warm, large hand pressing it against an equally warm surface. And then, slowly, the pain started to fade away. Or maybe he was finally dying, all ability to feel stripped from him. Too tired to even blink, he closed his eyes, his face wet from tears, and allow himself to relax.

It smelled … good, he concluded, taking a deep breath, darkness engulfing his mind.

“LanRan⁴Literally lan (white) + ran (moon) …”

Silvareiel

My poor Snow ... ? everything will be all right, you'll see ... ?

Language

Nox: Literally nox (night). Nox is the name of the Clan (family name), also the name of a Province. ZaiWin uses it because he is the Governor of Nox

ZaiWin: Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos).

Daitai: Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or holy Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power.

LanRan: Literally lan (white) + ran (moon)