It was as if someone had just stabbed FeiWan¹Literally fei (raging / furious) + wan (fire) right in his heart.

Before his incredulous, alarmed gaze, image-like-ghosts appeared out of nowhere, their voices filling the large, empty hall.

Just one glance and he could easily recognize himself, even though in those images he couldn’t have been more than seven to eight years of age.

The child he had once been was peering shyly from a small crack left by the opened, large, front doors. And he could equally see the beautiful young, dark-haired woman, sitting inside, on the white, stone floor, playing with an equally dark-haired boy, a few years younger than him.

He had really missed seeing her face, FeiWan realized, his chest aching. Seeing that gentle smile.

He could still remember, the first time she had noticed him, standing there, practically spying on them. She had awkwardly gotten to her feet, and had tried to bow as respectfully as she could. The other boy had clang to her skirts, half hiding behind her legs, peering suspiciously at him with bright-blue eyes the likes FeiWan had never seen. She had also had blue eyes, but they were of a paler shade. The boy’s eyes looked almost like some of the expensive jewels FeiWan’s mother used to proudly wear around her elegant neck.

Noticing that he too was no more than a child, the young woman had tentatively smiled at him and invited him in. And so FeiWan had stepped inside that accursed room for the first time in his life.

NimTar²Literally nim (gentle) + tar (wind), was her name. And the boy’s name was LanRan³Literally lan (white) + ran (moon). They were obviously descendants of some noble Clan. But, by then, FeiWan had already been taught that the fact that they had black hair meant that they couldn’t be fully noble-born, that they must have some common blood flowing through their veins. Which meant that they were obviously beneath him, in more ways than one. Maybe that was why she allowed the child to cling to her skirts like that, he wondered. Common people apparently didn’t pay as much attention to the way their appearance as nobles did. After all, even though NimTar was surprisingly very pretty, it was true that she was dressed in a very simple, plain way. She probably wouldn’t mind if her skirts got crumpled. If FeiWan dared do something like that to his mother he would be immediately slapped for his lack of decorum and respect.

The image of the woman and child faded away, and FeiWan blinked, his eyes burning, his vision blurry.

On another image he could see himself seating on the white floor. NimTar and the younger boy were there as well. They were drawing on the white stone floor. Someone had given the other boy a few color-sticks. FeiWan had loads of those, back in his chambers. He also had a lot more colors than the boy. But he had never had anyone to play with them.

NimTar was very good at drawing. LanRan would always quietly try to imitate her drawings. And FeiWan would scratch all over his pictures, effectively destroying them. LanRan would pout, but he never complained or cried. And NimTar would simply smile, ruffle his dark hair, and start a new drawing.

Seeing how close they were always made FeiWan’s chest sting. But all he had to do was make a demand, and NimTar would immediately oblige him, even is she had to take the color-stick LanRan was holding and hand it to FeiWan.

It had taken him a while, to realize that they were actually mother and son. In fact, only when his own mother discovered that he spent some of his afternoons in the White Pavilion, did he learn the truth about NimTar and LanRan.

In a fit of rage, KimLay⁴Literally Kim (perfume / scent) + Lay (seed). had utterly forbidden him to ever set foot in the White Pavilion again! They were worse than the worst of the commoners! They should be avoided at all costs. If FeiWan ever crossed paths with any of them, he shouldn’t even glance their way. The woman was a depraved whore! The child a living scourge that would be the doom of all. of them His mother didn’t know why such horrible people were allowed to stay in the Palace. Why they were even allowed to remain alive! They should all be put to death, the sooner the better.

FeiWan listened to that and a lot more in obedient silence. And yet, inside his head, he couldn’t help wonder. How could someone as beautiful and kind as NimTar be all those horrible things?

Unlike his own mother or any of the other Janwan⁵Literally jan (flower) + wan (fire). Could be translated as Concubine., NimTar actually talked to him and looked genuinely interested in hearing what he had to say, even though he was only a child. Her smiles were always warm. And she had even gently braided his hair. once, her soft fingers careful not to pull his hair too much. She had even complimented him on the beautiful shade of red of his hair. He had really loved the way his hair had looked after she braided it.

And LanRan … Well, he was a bit annoying, FeiWan had to concede. Whenever he was around, NimTar’s attention was always split between them. And, of course, she would touch him in a way he never touched FeiWan, like when she ruffled his hair, or when she placed a quick kiss atop his head. But FeiWan didn’t blame her. He understood. He was an El’Gin⁶Literally el (supreme) + gin (gold). Name given to the male children of the Emperor. Could be translated into prince in the common language., and El’Gin weren’t supposed to be touched like that, not even by their own mothers. His mother had clearly explained that to him. He couldn’t have both. Either he was raised to be a pampered child, or he was raised to be the future candidate to the Throne.

Still, LanRan did annoy him! And, more than once, he found himself wishing the damned brat could simply disappear. Also, none of the other children seemed willing to play with him. Even before his mother had told him all that, CalWan had already warned him that he shouldn't get close to LanRan, much less play with him. But that was it. How such a small, quiet kid could be the doom of them all was beyond FeiWan’s comprehension. And so, yeah. It didn’t take long before he broke his promise to never set foot in the White Pavilion ever again.

“What would you like to be when you grow up?”

A painful jab went straight to FeiWan’s chest.

That soft, gentle voice. It was almost as if she was really there.

Turning towards the table, he saw NimTar sitting on one of the tall-back chairs. LanRan and he were also there, sitting on especially higher pillows, so that they could easily reach the table. They were eating cookies and drinking milk. FeiWan could almost taste them. Those had been the best cookies he had ever eaten in his entire life. NimTar had made them herself.

His younger version raised his head, his cheeks round from all the cookies he’d stuffed into his mouth, and tried to quickly swallow them so that he could answer her. Since he was trying to swallow too much at once, food got stuck in his throat, and soon he could barely breathe.

Laughing lightly, NimTar handed him his glass, and FeiWan drank avidly, grimacing from the pain as it all went finally down.

Sighing in relief, FeiWan straightened his back and raised his head, hoping to look superior to all of them.

NimTar smiled.

How could she not? The red-haired child in front of him, busy trying to look all-important, had completely overlooked the huge milk whiskers painted all over his young cheeks.

“I want to be an adventurer,” the child replied without even blinking. “I want to roam the world, fighting evil with my sword! I’ll be this big, important hero!”

LanRan, who had been staring wide-eyed at him, nodded in agreement.

“Me too. I want to be an adventurer too!”

FeiWan immediately shot him a threatening glare. Who did he think he was?!

But then the sound of laughter immediately diluted his anger. He loved hearing NimTar laugh. It was always such a warm, spontaneous sound.

“Really?” she asked, still smiling. “And here I was, thinking that our distinguished El’Gin would answer that he wishes to be the future ruler of all.”

Young FeiWan raised an inquisitive eyebrow at that.

LanRan looked even more confused than him.

“You mean like my father?” he wanted to make sure. “I’m never going to be like my father!” the red-haired child declared without a second thought. “Sitting on that chair every single day! Listening to all those boring people. Having to go to all those boring parties!” he declared with a hint of despise in his voice. “No. Not me! I want to be an adventurer and travel the world!”

“Me too! Me too!” LanRan echoed and NimTar smiled, placing a gentle hand on his dark head.

“Not you, little one. You’ll be the next Governor of Nox⁷Literally nox (night). Nox is the name of the Clan (family name), also the name of a Province. ZaiWin uses it because he is the Governor of Nox, remember? And help all those poor people.”

FeiWan frowned, once more displeased with how gentle her voice sounded every time she spoke to LanRan.

LanRan, on the other hand, nodded obediently, which only irritated FeiWan even more. And so, when he reached for the plate to take another cookie, FeiWan was faster than him and quickly stole it from his small fingers. Those bright-blue eyes were immediately on him, a silent anger burning on them. FeiWan raised his head and sneered back at him. As if such an insignificant brat could do anything to him! He was an El’Gin! And LanRan … LanRan was no one! Let him be the Governor of the poorest, filthiest, most dangerous Province of the Empire. FeiWan would be a hero! And LanRan would be envious of him for the rest of his life!

Chuckling lightly, NimTar patted her son’s shoulder.

“No need to fight over one cookie. There’s a lot more where these came from.”

Sadness and nostalgia were quickly replaced by anger, inside FeiWan’s chest. Why did he have to stand there and watch those images? Worse even! Listen to those long, lost voices? He had forgotten all that a long time ago! And he definitely didn’t want to have to see what came next! That talk, sitting on that table, had been the last time he had seen NimTar alive. Enough was enough!

Glaring angrily at the figures still sitting at the white table, FeiWan made them and the damned table burst out in flames. On another thought, he should burn the whole fucking place down! That's what he should do!

CalRimRan⁸Literally cal (bright) + rim (cold) + ran (moon), who had still been standing close to it, took a startled step back, raising one arm to protect his face. But then, to FeiWan’s complete disbelief, he stretched out his hand towards the raging flames and … calmed them down?!

What the …!

FeiWan was beyond perplexed. He just couldn’t believe his own eyes! And yet, his hot, searing fire, known everywhere for its reckless, untamable nature, simply diminished beneath that hand, as if it didn’t dare touch CalRimRan’s pale skin.

Frowning in outrage, FeiWan commanded it to burn. To burn faster and hotter. To render the damned table to cinders. But his own flames refused to obey him, and actually extinguished themselves.

What the …??! How was that possible? He had used his royal daitai⁹Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or holy Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power.! And fire produced by a royal daitai couldn’t be extinguished by anyone, except by its caster. Not even his father would have been able to do that!

The hard hand that grabbed his wrist made FeiWan take a step back. Blinking in surprise, he couldn’t help but stare into that freakish beautiful face. How … when had he gotten so close to him?

“Did you really change your mind?” CalRimRan insisted, his face now so close that FeiWan could clearly see his long, pale eyelashes, and the silver-like spots that looked like pieces of crystal embedded in his gray eyes. “Do you want the throne, now?”

FeiWan frowned, pulling himself together.

“How’s that any of your concern?”

“Come with me! Leave all this behind!” CalRimRan insisted, his gray eyes looking uncharacteristically eager, even anxious.

FeiWan lowered his gaze to that pale hand, wrapped around his wrist like a shackle, before he looked into those gray eyes again.

“If you want me to go with you, you have to do better than that. And tell me why,” he declared and CalRimRan immediately pursed his lips, his hand squeezing him even harder.

Like before, he wouldn't tell him, FeiWan easily concluded. Since the time he had uttered that vague warning about his Household, FeiWan had been sure that CalRimRan knew something he didn’t. Something important. Something that could possibly place FeiWan's life in danger. And yet the bastard refused to tell him what!

Scowling in anger, he pulled his arm hard, freeing himself. His wrist hurt. It would probably bruise.

“My place is right here! And you’re damned right! I changed my mind!” he declared, glaring coldly at the other man’s face. “I want what is righteously mine! And I’ll be damned if I’ll run away with my tail between my legs! Like some scared, defenseless child!”

CalRimRan straightened his back, his usual indifferent expression covering his face. Still, FeiWan wasn’t over yet.

“This shit you’ve shown me! This means nothing to me! That woman is dead! She’s been dead for sixteen years now! And that kid. He’ll be dead soon, as well. But not me! I was born for much nobler, greater things! So I bid you and your people a pleasant trip! I have no intention whatsoever to ever set foot in your boring, little village ever again!” he declared and, since CalRimRan simply just stood there, staring at him with the exact same expression with which he had greeted him just the day before, FeiWan turned on his heels and stormed out of the room. He also had no intention to ever set foot inside that Pavilion ever again.