ZaiWin1Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos). peered towards the damn brat sitting on the bed. He was in pain again, he could easily tell and feel. Which was to be expected, after forcing himself to speak for so long. Even though he had no visible wounds on his body, ZaiWin had a pretty good idea of the damage made to his lungs. By the time he had been able to pull the darkness out from his body, Snow’s cells had already begun to rot. If he had hit him just a few inches lower, damaging his heart, he would be dead by now. And the mere thought of that was enough to leave him standing there, completely at a loss, drowning in utter agony, unable to decide what to do.
He wished he could simply apologize. But how could he ask for forgiveness for such an unforgivable act? He would never forgive himself! How could he ask Snow to forgive him?
An ironic smile stretched his lips. So this desperate loop of unrestrained emotions and self-deprecating thoughts was making his energy even darker. So he was the one leading himself down that road of no return. He hated that Snow could see that. See how powerless he was to stop his own self-destruction.
Snow jumped when his wrist was suddenly grabbed, his hand guided towards what he guessed was ZaiWin’s chest. The rhythm of a heartbeat immediately vibrated against his palm, stronger and faster than usual.
“Do you remember what you did, back at the Fortress?” ZaiWim asked and Snow gazed up at those blue eyes that now looked intimidatingly serious. “What I told you never to do again? Do you remember?”
Snow searched his own memory trying to understand what he meant. Back then he’d been scared all the time, fearing for his life, unable to understand what that black monster, that had unexpectedly released him from his imprisonment, wanted from him. ZaiWin hadn’t helped him feel less insecure either!, he recalled with a scowl. Always shouting at him, always angry, always threatening him, if not with certain death at the very least with breaking his legs.
“It was probably the first time you really saw me,” the monster told him and Snow’s eyes widened in understanding. Now he remembered. It was also the only time he had really believed that ZaiWin would actually end up killing him. “Do it again.”
“What …?” he asked, feeling at a loss again.
“What you did back then. Do it now!”
Before he was actually aware of how to reply to that, Snow was already shaking his head.
“If you won’t do it, I’ll just leave,” the monster told him, and Snow instinctively grasped the fabric beneath his hand, his heart suddenly beating urgently against his chest. “And I don’t mean just this room. I will leave you here, and you won’t see me again. Not until I’m sure that what happened before will never happen again.”
“But … it wasn’t your fault!” he desperately tried to argue. “I was the one who tried to hurt you first! You were only defending yourself!”
“I couldn’t care less about how you see it, or how you feel about it!” Snow gaped in disbelief at those harsh words. “You’re a freaking Celestial! You’re willing to put your life at risk to cleanse a fucking field of crops! You will always try to heal things, try to fix things. It’s in your nature! Like what you’re doing now! I almost killed you! And you just sit there, trying to convince me that it wasn’t my fault!”
“But …”
“No buts! Either do it or don’t!”
“I-I-I don’t know how!” Snow urgently blurted out. “Back then, I was just too scared!”
“Time to learn, then! The only thing I can tell you is that you completely stopped the flow of energy inside my body, preventing my markings from accessing their source of nourishment. Focus on that!”
Feeling pressured, unable to see what else he could do, Snow closed his eyes and tried his best to do as he was told and focus. The idea of ZaiWin leaving him there and of not knowing when he might be able to see him again left his heart beating so fast against his chest that it hurt. He still had a lot of things he wanted to tell him. Above all, he didn’t want him to leave, period!
Stop the flow of energy … he didn’t have the slightest idea of how to do that! He couldn’t even understand what that flow of energy was really all about. Sure, he had felt it inside his own body, almost like blood flowing through his veins but much subtler. The difference was that, even though he could feel it, he didn’t know exactly where it was, where it flowed by or where to. It simply was there, for him to use every time he activated one of his daitai. And if he couldn’t locate it inside himself, how could he know that about ZaiWin? And how could he hope to stop something he could not accurately pinpoint?
The warm fingers locking his hand in place softly caressed his wrist, sending waves of warmth up his arm. It felt really good but, at the same time, it left his heart aching again. VinWei had told him to do what he wanted to do. And, right now, he only wanted one thing. He wanted ZaiWin to stay, no matter what.
Focusing on that, Snow pressed his hand more firmly against his chest and carefully took a deep breath, so he wouldn’t start coughing again.
“Stop!” he commanded, raising his voice for once, and a blast of cold wind swept through the entire room.
The grip ZaiWin maintained around his wrist weakened considerably, and Snow slowly opened his eyes, afraid he might have failed.
The face that was looking down at him looked visibly tired, dark circles shadowing his bright-blue eyes. According to VinWei, he had spent the entire night by his side, which meant he hadn’t gotten any sleep. But, somehow, Snow knew it was more than that.
With a deep relief, Snow allowed himself to relax. At least he’d been successful, the darkness surrounding ZaiWin completely gone, even though he still wasn’t very certain of what exactly he’d done.
“Have you memorized how to do it?” ZaiWin asked, and Snow simply nodded. “Good. Never forget that. If what happened yesterday ever happens again, just stop me like this. Understand?” His gaze was so serious and intimidating that Snow simply nodded. “Swear it!”
“What …?”
“Swear you’ll do it! That you’ll stop me. No matter what. Even if you have to let me die.”
“No!” Snow immediately replied and ZaiWin squeezed his arm again.
“Swear it! Or I’ll leave this instant!”
“No!” Snow repeated with a frown that was immediately mirrored on ZaiWin’s face.
“I’m not joking, Snow!” Snow pursed his lips, trying his best to ignore the fact that his hand was slowly going numb from the force with which he kept squeezing his wrist.
Clenching his jaw, ZaiWin bent down and simply knelt in front of him, giving him another startle.
“Do you want me to stay with you?” he asked, looking up at him, and Snow immediately nodded. “Then do as I tell you,” he instantly demanded, his cold gaze telling him that he wouldn’t accept anything else. And Snow lowered his gaze in defeat, his heart hurting so much that he felt like crying.
“I swear …”
“What?”
He hesitated once more, nervously chewing the insides of his mouth, but ended up complying.
“I swear that I will try and stop you …”
“No! Swear that you will stop me!” ZaiWin immediately corrected him, giving a hard tug on his arm, and Snow nodded.
“I swear that I will stop you.”
Releasing a deep breath, ZaiWin finally let go of his aching wrist.
Cale· Nov 24, 2021
