ZaiWin smiled again, clearly amused by Snow’s more than visible reaction, and placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose, before finally releasing him.
When Snow was finally able to look up at him again, he was already undressing, swiftly pulling his tunic over his head, his smooth hair pouring over his pale, bare skin.
Snow couldn’t help staring at his naked chest. No matter how many times he’d seen him bare-chested, Snow still couldn’t help thinking that he was really beautiful for a man, his muscles elegantly defined. Not even the three reddened scars, one on the right side of his chest and two on his belly made him look less handsome. And Snow couldn’t help stare at the biggest of the three scars, right above his stomach. The place where Grisly had stabbed him when he’d only been a child. The sword wound that had almost killed him, but that had also opened his path to controlling his abnormal energy, making him stronger instead. But then ZaiWin was moving, shifting, turning around, and Snow couldn’t help hold his breath.
Reaching back, ZaiWin roughly gathered all his hair, pulling it over his shoulder, and Snow could finally clearly see his back.
He didn’t understand the first thing about daitai. In fact, until that moment, he had only seen the daitai of four people. ZenTar, MenTar, VinWei, and the little girl’s beautiful pair of dark wings. Even so, he couldn’t help taking a hand to his mouth in order to stop himself from gasping in horror.
Wrong. It was simply wrong. Everything was wrong.
Snow’s eyes filled with tears.
ZaiWin’s back was a compact net of long, black lines. No. Not lines. Scars. Horrible, angry scars that, unlike the ones on his chest, had turned black instead. And yet, here and there, in between them, he could still see parts of delicate swirls, traces of what had once been his daitai.
Raising one shaky hand, Snow softly touched ZaiWin’s back, tears falling down his cheeks.
ZaiWin’s shoulders tensed up, for a moment, but then he relaxed again.
Carefully splaying his fingers over his warm skin, Snow could easily feel the thin welts that covered his entire back. He had felt them before, when he had hugged him. And he knew all too well what had caused them. He too, had a few like those on his chest and belly. The difference was that Snow’s were much smaller and most of them were even paler than his skin tone. Still, they had all been undeniably caused by a sharp blade.
Leaning forward, he dropped his forehead against ZaiWin’s back and wrapped his arms around his waist. He had never felt so sorry, so sad, about anything in his life. He wished he could somehow undo this horrible wrong, somehow heal him and restore him with some magical golden array. But, even as he wished for these things, he knew that there was nothing he could do. That anyone could do. Whatever had been done to ZaiWin had completely altered the foundations of who he was, had completely altered the nature of the energy flowing through his body. Much in the same way that the horrible black substance the old man had given him to drink was supposed to work. Snow couldn’t heal him because he wasn’t hurt. Not anymore, anyway. And even though Snow knew that what he had become went against everything that was supposed to be, that was still who ZaiWin was, who he would always be. He just couldn’t help feeling sorry for what he had been, for the light Snow was sure had been lost, devoured by all that darkness.
ZaiWin could hardly breathe, the air rasping down his throat. He had never shown his back to anyone. Even in front of ZenTar, he had never willingly taken off his clothes. Of course ZenTar had seen his back more times than he could count. After all, he had been left in charge of a dying child and he had been the one to nurse him back to health. And yet, even though he couldn’t see it, he could always feel how horrified ZenTar felt, every time he had to look at his back. Sure, like ZenTar had warned him, showing his back to other people would most likely condemn them to certain death, if it were ever discovered. But, more than that, ZaiWin had always simply felt too ashamed at the thought of letting other people see it.
And yet, there he was, sitting in front of that boy, allowing him to clearly see the proof of his demise.
He was sure that someone as righteous and pure as a Celestial would simply feel repulsed at the sight of it. He would probably feel disgusted, much the same way ZaiWin had felt, growing up. And yet he had wanted Snow to really see him. He had wanted to stop hiding, for once. He really, really wished that Snow could somehow accept him the way he was. That, for a change, someone would accept him the way it was. Even though he knew that, most likely, Snow would never even want to touch him again.
And so, when that cold hand suddenly touched his skin he couldn’t help holding his breath. Had he wished for it so fiercely that he was even imagining things? But no. He knew that touch. He knew the feeling of that cold hand. Somehow it always brought him comfort and peace. The same way it had when, all those years ago, a small dirty child had hugged him to stop him from falling.
Warmth flooded his body allowing him to relax. Snow was still willing to touch him after all, he concluded with a small, sad smile. He really was too good, too innocent, ZaiWin thought feeling his small fingers lightly caress his back. Even though he had wanted him to, he knew someone like Snow should never touch something as foul as his back. And yet, even though he knew that, he was still too selfish to turn around and stop him.
Something cool pressed against the middle of his back, soft hair caressing his skin, and two small arms surrounded his waist.
ZaiWin’s heart trembled at the feeling of Snow’s warm breath against his bare skin, and he closed his eyes allowing himself to be held.
No one had ever held him, not since the day he’d lost his mother. Not that ZenTar hadn’t tried to, in his attempts to console a broken child. ZaiWin simply had never allowed it. He simply had kept everyone as far away as possible. The people close to him would all either betray him or die, inevitably leaving behind. But not anymore. Now he needed those arms to hold him. He was just too tired. And, somehow, even though those arms were obviously too small to hold a grown-up man like him, he had the feeling that if they didn’t hold him he would simply break down into ash and be swallowed by the earth.
Holding those gentle arms, ZaiWin turned around.
Hopeless pale eyes drowning in tears stared up at him, and ZaiWin simply pulled him closer, making Snow climb on his lap until he was straddling his legs.
So, he would even cry for him, he thought, holding his face between his hands, warm tears disappearing under his fingers. And then he simply leaned forward and captured Snow’s lips with his.
Snow released a small sigh and opened his mouth, inviting him in. And then everything was alright again, and all he could feel was that small tongue trying its best to keep up with him, his sweet taste flooding his brain. Cold hands tentatively touched his neck and end up moving to the back of his head, small fingers digging into his hair. ZaiWin moaned in pleasure. Wrapping an arm around his waist he pulled him even closer and Snow simply leaned against him. It felt so good, holding him in his arms like this. Right or wrong he would never let go of him.
Holding the back of his neck to keep him in place, ZaiWin released Snow’s lips just to hear him breathe. There were still small tears lost in Snow’s silver eyelashes, but he wasn’t crying anymore, his half-lidded gaze glistening in a complete daze. Snow’s parted lips were red and wet, and his cheeks were adorably flushed. He was just too perfect. And too damn tempting. The way he would practically melt every time ZaiWin kissed him was a constant challenge to his self-control.
Leaning forward, ZaiWin nuzzled his neck and Snow moaned softly and gripped his hair in response. ZaiWin rested his free hand on his naked leg, and Snow shuddered but didn’t let go of him. His skin always felt cold to the touch and incredibly smooth, almost like a child’s, he thought, sliding his hand up his leg and under his tunic, making Snow gasp at his shameless invasion.
“Are you really going to let me do as I please?”
Snow’s silver eyelashes fluttered open and he looked at him. And ZaiWin immediately knew that he had just been completely defeated.
There was no fear or uncertainty in those pale eyes. There was no lust or desire either. Snow just looked back at him, trusting him unconditionally. Trusting him like no one had ever trusted him. Like ZaiWin had never trusted anyone.
Yes, he was going to let him do as he pleased. But not because he felt sorry for his ruined markings. Or because he couldn’t resist the pull of the link binding them together. He simply trusted him enough to place his entire self in ZaiWin’s hands.
For the second time on that day, ZaiWin’s heart shuddered. And all he could do was look at him in absolute awe. How come such a precious being like him had chosen to hear the prayer of the silly child he’d been? How come he had decided to descend into this world just because he had made a stupid wish? How come he had remained so pure even after ZaiWin had dragged him down into absolute darkness? He didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve him at all. And yet he was constantly wanting for more. Constantly asking for more. He couldn’t help feeling ashamed of himself.
Leaning forward, Snow placed a small kiss on his forehead.
ZaiWin knew Celestials were supposed to be sent by the Heavens to bless the land. But not Snow. Snow had been sent to bless him. To save him. To be his, he thought, pulling both arms around him and simply hugging him against his chest.
Snow’s body immediately complied, and he snuggled closer until he finally settled down in a more comfortable position. Burying his nose in the smooth hair at the top of his head, for a moment, ZaiWin simply breathed.
Language:
ZaiWin: Literally zai (blade) + win (chaos).
Daitai: Literally dai (light) + tai (mark), or Holy Markings, considered Heavenly Blessings. They’re the source of power.
ZenTar: Literally zen (silent) + tar (wind)
MenTar: Literally men (lake) + tar (wind)
VinWei: Literally vin (hard) + wei (crystal)
ZaiWin doesn't show it but he really has low self esteem against Snow