This Chapter was rewritten (Original below)
Thoughts, "Dialogue", Vvpjlz
If someone asked you if your life is exciting. What answer would you give them? For me, I would have answered that my life was average. Without anything that would mark it more interesting than other people.
However that all changed this morning. You see when I wake up I’m usually greeted with the sight of the blinding sun or the dim moon.
The last thing I suspected to see when I woke up was a giant eye where the sun should be. I did what any sane person would have done. I panicked, of course, it was the silent type of panic.
When I finished my mental breakdown, I tried searching what might be happening on the web. Let’s just say that I considered going to the nearest mental institution and asking whoever is there to have a look at my brain for what I found. Or the lack of what there was.
However, I gave it some thought and decided that I should at least wait until after school. As there is a chance that this whole solve its self if I give it time.
So after I collected my thoughts I put on a red t-shirt with a yellow lightning bolt on it and a pair of brown jeans.
As I walked downstairs I called out to my parents.
“Mom! Dad! Hello!” I started to scratch my head when there wasn’t any response. “Weird they should still be here, they don’t usually leave until 7.”
My question was quickly answered when I found a note on the kitchen table that read.
-Good morning Cecil your father I and I got an urgent meeting this morning, sorry that we forgot to tell you yesterday. Your breakfast and lunch are in the fridge, don’t forget to heat it up before you eat it.
From your loving Mom-
“Well, at least that saves me the trouble of wondering if I should tell them about the eye thing or not.” I thought as I heated up my breakfast and lunch.
When he finished preparing for school he went out his front door, while making sure to lock up behind him.
As I walked to school I gazed up towards the “sun”.
“That’s weird I don’t even feel the sting that someone should feel when looking up at the sun.”
The “sun” looks like an average looking eye with a blue iris. As eyes go it looks normal and uninteresting, something that people can find easily. But the way that it just stares at me sends shivers down my spine.
Before I knew it I was already in front of the school. He looked around, but after seeing that no one else is reacting to the “sun”. I can conclude that no one else can see it, knowing this I couldn’t help myself from thinking that I’m might have lost my mind.
“Maybe I’m insane, and I’m in a padded room right now.”
Shaking those thoughts out of my head I started to walk to class.
However unbeknownst to him after he entered the school the "sun" started to blink, and when it finished its iris was red. It was also staring at another person, a person who was staring right back at it.
The story idea is unique enough to keep attention, but the change from first to third is jarring. Chose one of the other, overall well done.
Thank you for the advice. I willl keep that in mind for future chapters.
This is much strange
To second Bronzeapollo's opinion, this chapter definitely introduces an interesting premise. As well as the inconsistent point of view, I also noticed a change in the tense (past, present, future). It's all minor, nit-picky stuff, however, keeping those in mind as you're writing will create a smoother narrative for the reader's to get immersed in.
Looking forward to this story's journey :)