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Announcement! Read first!

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So it has finally hit me how much I have veered off the tracks of what a good novel should be. What I can be proud of in a work. So, as it is, I can no longer keep embarrassing myself by writing the way I have. But somewhere along the way, I've grown fond of this story and its characters.

So. I'm rewriting it. All from the beginning.

Thank you to all you amazing readers who have encouraged and supported my whims till now.

I'll do better. It's nowhere near perfect or ranking material but I have made a rewrite and tied the ending with justice, and afterward, I will start on my new perfected story.

Below is the unedited but truthful version of what Unloved Twin should have been. I have finally seen the real problem and error of my ways after all this time.

I hope you enjoy this small offering and can forgive me for the messy journey I have taken you all on thus far. Thank you all.

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There once was a normal devastatingly beautiful loser/top assassin/weeb/superstar/overworked office slave/genius doctor named MC.

Yes all of those things, in that very order. You know a very average web novel character.

One day as she was walking home alone in the dark, for no good reason, the red strings of fate tugged. Her eyes looked up to an approaching light that her fate was attached to. Great blinding holy light.

Truck-san arrives!

Oh, it was so beautiful with its heavy metallic size and 18 fat wheels. Surely if she was hit by this she would reincarnate with super awesome OP cheats into another world!

"Truck-sempai, chotto matte! I'm coming for you!"

Somewhere violin music plays a beautiful requiem, the girl and truck met like lovers in a slow-motion run.

Duuuuuun duuuun dun dun dun dun dun~

Wham! Splat! Crunchy crunch squish squish.

True love is so beautiful.

Messy but beauties. After the wedding night, which more resembled a starving praying mantis decapitating its mate to feast on its flesh, the girl woke up in.....ANOTHER WORLD!

Wow! Who would have thought?

She knew it was another world because instead of her beautiful gorgeous barbie doll curvacious very normal average novel character body she awoke in a tiny pitiful chibi.

A chibi! Loli time!

Oh she was so sad looking. So skinny and poor. But so very fair, with the skin worthy of being made into an expensive purse!

Wait! First she must check her pants?

Yes! No extra parts! Not that it matters bc MC is MC no matter what world or gender but she quite likes having her own boobs and wearing overflowing princess gowns in socially acceptable circumstances.

Looking around her otherworldly room she was aghast!

It was a beautiful fancy smancy palace but there was not any fire or even pillow to be had! Yes very expensive but nothing she could actually enjoy. Gold and gems were built into the walls like wtf? Who designed this place? Obviously, some peasant who has no idea how rich people actually live.

She woke up alone with no servants, wearing too small rags of what once must have been a perdy dress. But obviously, it wasn't vert perdy anymore, because it was covered in ash!

Ooh oh oh is she a pre-glow up CInderella in this world? Awesome sauce, will get hot suacy soon. But not in the illegal loli way. Just borderline illegal, like soft core TV shows that feature hot teens.

As terrible as her situation was, there was a very important plot part skipped over.

She wasn't a baby.

Whooooooo!!!!! It's not Rugrats the isekai!!!!

She was like small but not too small. A grade schooler or something. Yes, a very good age for a MC to start out with. Being born again as a baby would be TERRIBLE. Very painful and boring, would not recommend. She would have to like grow up or something. Be two or 3 years old? Ew what kinda MC would that make?

Pitifully she swoons back into her very sad bed because your head must hurt lots when you download your new identity starter pack.

Starting Download, please wait.

Ding!

Hamster Wheel of Life download Completed: Have a nice life.

Le gasp! Her name was Rose Whatchamacallit and she was born a cursed and sad child into the ultimate rich and powerful family in another world! Her mom was hot, her dad was hot, even her grampa was hot! A family of hotties! Very good! She likes this new body's potential.

But wait! There's more!

Her grampa is also super strong and cool, a superhero! She must cling to this golden thigh for her future!

But wait! It doesn't end there-

While she was the sad mistreated child, she has twin sister who was the very opposite. The white to her black, though color symbolism like that is just lazy thinking and possibly kinda racist in some subtext. Yes her twin sister was the angel to her devil!

Why did they even get those names and labels? IDK! Plot! Dramatics!

Wait there's more! Call now to get a new frying pan!

What's most important is that in order to live a good life she must glow up and pull the rug under the white lotus that is her little sister, Lily! Oh yes what a misleading name. Rose is a very much more generic and opulent name.

There are only so many approved generic names.

See her memory download pack was a SECOND LIFE kit, thus she remembered everything in Rose Whatchamacallit's life up till she was tragically put to death!

Young and sweet only 17, oh yeeeeah-you can dance, you can jiiiiiive having the time of your lifffe~

Ahem, while she was no dancing queen yet, Rose was supposed to be a queen. For she was betrothed to...wait for it....Prince Charming-sama!

But who would have thought that he preferred her younger sister Lily?! Oh besides anyone, ever?

Rose was the baaaaaaad guy in this story. I'm that bad type~Make-your-mama-sad type, Make your-girlfriend-mad type. Might-seduce-your-dad type. I'm the bad guy, duh~

Ahem, no fear!

For Rose will change for life around using her modern lifetime's memories. She was after all a popular idol, thus all the singing, on top of being a beautiful loser/top assassin/weeb idol/superstar/criminal hacker/genius doctor. Surely she could use some of her humble lowly human skills to help rise to the top!

Whatever that meant.

Sitting down on her sad bed she willed a pillow into existence. Ah yes wonderful, her dimensional space came with her! Bc all MC's need a dimensional space or some sort of OP cheat. It's like the ultimate fantasy. A wet dream of any shopper with weak arms.

The rest, however,  she must gain on her own through hard work. Nothing but her own blood, sweat and tears through dramatic emotional suffering will do!

*cue kpop dance through the halls of her rich Roman Villa and gardens, bc it's aesthetics and the HAMSTER GOD would like you all to know she DOES NOT LIVE IN A WEBTOONS MANSION*

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*Cue montage!: Time skip 1 month

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Rose has gotten some much prettier dresses and much better food even though the servants are all super bad and mean to her.

No worries, they are but servants and thus background characters easy to tame. Like slimes or beginning monsters.

Slimes used to make this world's condoms by the way. Ahem, but don't have sex or you will die.

Ohoho ho how dare anyone look down on Rose. She will show them all, starting with the servants of this house! They will fear her but love her. They will love her all so much! They will all fear how much they love her!

Bwahahahahaha *choke* too much bwahahahas.

*cue grumpy servant smacking her back to get out the bwahahahas*

She has also started cultivating herself in martial arts and became much stronger and prettier. She had just found the Stardew magic turnip. Once ingested her body will purge all the bad and she be prettier and softer than a newborn Thumbelina. So strong but so sooooft.

She also gained her Golden Thigh OP Grandfather's favor with her new one punch power. And thus blessed with some vials of his ULTIMATE CLEANING LAKE SPRING SPARKLE water.

Much diarrhea, but makes so you clean and soft. All meridians cleared. All power ups a go.

Yay, but her absent parents still don't really love her bc boo hoo she cursed and stuff. They hate her for NO REASON.

It's okay they're probably dumb and have bad taste anyways. Who needs parents or confronting and healing your deep-rooted psychological issues? Pfffft.

Ain't no room for parents in these stories. They're gross and boring anyways.

Gotta get super hottie status soon.

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*Cue Time skip 2! 1 year.

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Ohohoho she is blooming into a fine young lady. So lovely much beauties. Everyone calls her a genius now bc of course duh. She has shocked everyone bc she is so smart with things like the multiplication table.

Bc this is a vaguely dark ages Europe kind of place with plagues and no toilets, very romantic. Her genius is unmatched!

Her parents are so impressed and beginning to show her attention BUT not as much as Lily!

Cursed Lily! Don't be fooled by the white lotus everyone!

She's evvvvviiiiiiil...for no reason! How dare she want attention! That's Rose's attention! Gimme gimmie!

One year is not enough to defeat cursed Lily, she is just too powerful right now! With her perfect floofy hair, angelic smile, and worse....the airhead aura!

It's too cute! Too strong! Ahhhhhh! It even gave Rose a nose blood from the flower petals alone. Rose needs to cultivate and train even more!

*Time skip idk how many years but they baby teenagers now!!!

Rose is too hot now, her cultivation and villainous noblewoman money has made her super hot and awesome. She now runs a mega business corporation and has made countless people bow down to her and she's barely started puberty!

Power totally has no correlation with her breast size.

The people love her so much they cry tears of blood. Whip whip.

Even if they're not on her side, no one can deny Rose's beauty, power, and face slapping!

Has someone offended her? Well, give her a second to take off her glove for Rose Whatchamacallit is no slap taker. She a slap giver! Slap slap slap!

How dare she? She dares?

Did someone unworthy try face slapping her? Well then let one of Rose's maids' face slap that person back! They are not even worthy of being directly face slapped.

BTW the maid is super awesome a loyal and has cat ears and can you believe she was in the orphan garbage? Man people in the web novel universe sure throw away perfectly good almost OP orphans these days?

Even her fiance Prince Charming-sama, who totes dumped her in the last life, rude, is madly in love with her. Well duh, who isn't?

Except for those FOOLS on her white lotus sister's faction!

It makes no sense! Rose has worked hard all these years gathering an army of super talented and smart ORPHANS to work under her. Yet there are people who still love Lily more?

A truly dangerous and powerful opponent this sister of hers is. She still has a grip on Prince Charming-sama! Not that Rose really wants him but he's like a trophy ya know? Not a person, but like a status symbol? Yip yip expensive toy poodle to put in her purse?

Yet no matter, Rose shall continue....rising to the top!

She's already a very popular superstar Assasin doctor idol ohohohoho!

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*Cue time skip ???? Idk she's old enough to have maor boobs now? Boobs are very important for FLs.

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"Follow me if you want to live." with that Rose dramatically stabs the heart of the great invisible purple hippopotamus with her magical sword.

Her hair and make up less face somehow Hollywood perfect. Somewhere a fan blows to make that hair flow, somewhere another ORPHAN side character throws glitter and confetti for AESTHETICS.

"Ohhhh yessss Rose-sama! Take me!" swoons her potential love interest/harem member #773.

Prince Charming-Sama squirms in jealousy at the sight!

"Rose I was wrong! Marry me and be my rightful queen!" he begs, ripping off his shirt to reveal yummy yummy white chocolate bar abs.

Why white? Because of a mix of racism induced colorism trained over decades into demographic preferences, I guess. Dang has anyone heard of melanin?

She slaps him.

First in the abs, then the face. Then lets her cool perfect maid slap him. Then lets her magical talking animal companion slap him again. They form a line for all 773 potential love interests/harem members to slap him.

Someone's mom comes in to slap him with an uncut kimchi cabbage. How satisfying!

All slapped out, Prince Charming-sama gets into line to slap himself.

Uh oh, we may have unlocked a new never before seen branch in the Stupid Prince Charming evolution line, NTR and kink.

Rose Whatchamacallit will not think about that. Or grace you with a face nor booty slap. Ew gross. She is too busy being awesome sauce surfing a rainbow to that pot of magic OP gold over there.

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*Time skip ??????

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"I am the big secret smexy." says a hidden boss that Rose has been hate/love flirting with for the last 500 chapters.

Chapters you could have read if the time skip function wasn't there.

How convenient!

"You are the big secret smexy yes." Rose agrees, for he is all-powerful and trump all her hottie hot harem members.

Even better- unlike the harem this one person out of everyone makes her heart go wham bam doki doki. Must be love. Or heartburn. INDIGESTION! But she will NEEEEVER admit that.

She pauses the scene with her powers to sing a musical number about that.

3 minutes and 48 seconds later she restarts the scene, posing in the most dramatically sexy way possible despite being like what 16ish? Not creepy at all! Media does it all the time.

Big dark smexy talks so good. Voice better than Morgan Freeman and that's saying something.

"I am not only sexy but OP. Even more OP then you. I shall now angrily tease you to show my affections in a classy subtle way." he croons irresistibly.

Oh hot damn- how will Rose respond to that? It's too doki doki for her. No persons, man, mortal, nor rodent has ever made her feel this way.

Knees weak, brain mush dead, lovey dovey genes wants to activate. Must resist urge to glomp and swoon. What a disease!

Dear God, if she doesn't stop herself, she may turn into....HER MOTHER?! tHIS WON'T DO!

"I counter your heart racing stalker teasing with extreme false anger and secretly hiding my obvious romantic feelings for you. 'Not that I care baka'! " she fights.

"Hmmmmm I play the overbearing CEO card to shatter your defenses and whoo you into submission. With the power of money, sexy, and vaguely fantasy S&M dominance play combined- for the combination bonus of over 9000."

"Gasp! Not the bondage activation! Ack! But you fool, you beautiful perfect sexy male lead worthy fool. You have played into my trap. On my deck there was a....golden protagonist halo card! It costs 15% of your heart points and raises my audience's popularity purity! But wait! With that, I can choose 3 cards to raise from the graveyard and restore my defense at 70% at the end of each turn."

"A tactical move- very well then Rose. I play....getting us lost in a snow storm but there's a romantic cabin where we need to cuddle naked for warmth."

"Le-gasp, a cheap and unoriginal move! "

"But irresistible. Your mental restraint points are not high enough to resist the big sexy. For extra assurance, I combine it with Alpha/Omega universe dynamics and place a timely 'heat' card against you. If I wasn't already impossible for you to resist, this will make you submit and meow. I win this round."

Rose throws the table and the card game on it in frustration. How dare this hidden boss match her, let alone defeat her. And how dare he be so smexy hot!?! Well, she won't say she's in love!

She'll even make another not technically Copywrite in this world song and dance out of it. Another one! That was going to be her next musical single in a world without electricity and digital devices.

For some odd reason though, she suddenly has hiccups. It sounds a lot like 'meow meow nyaaa~ Kyaaa oppa! <3 Spoil me lots, meow~'

STUPID MAGIC HEART OF THE CARDS! She'll win next time!

Somewhere not far, white lotus Lily swoons and chews her handkerchief at the big smexy, daring to covet what she cannot have. For Lily is a hoe.

Sure Rose is technically one too for leading on her infinity harem but it's not real if he's not the ML right? MC Halo!!! Bad standards!!!

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*Time SKip %$%#$#%

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"Darling big smexy, you must overcome the 35th case of amnesia to love me!" Rose sobs, looking perfectly beautiful and tragic while holding a beautiful bleeding big smexy.

All heartstrings go to Rose, cue the glitter tears.

"I don't know you, but I know I love you." declares big smexy with lips more perfect any word the dictionary can contain.

"Oh one perfect sensitive caring female power fantasy male lead, you can't love me! For it's been 3900 chapters and you have forgotten me! Again!" Hades AHEM Rose sobs.

"A ladder could fall on me I would never forget you!" the dying ML swears, looking magnificent, peerless, tranquil like jade, unparalleled hansome, blah blah 35 pages later, despite literally dying on the floor.

"That's what you said the 17th time you lost your memory. Oh but it's all my fault! I am wrecked with guilt, prettily of course, bc you did it to protect me!" Rosa sobs, just a little ugly.

"I am still OP." he says.

"Your constant amnesia is proof you are my OP." she declares in love and frustration.

*cues kiss scene written by someone who doesn't know basic anatomy- noses don't exist and it feels like rose colored fireworks and no one ate garlic for lunch*

"You don't even remember my name!" sobs Rose, suddenly they are on a cliff at sunset with dramatic flowing hair and clothes.

"Do you even know mine?" he looks at her, sexily bleeding out.

"No!" Rose cries, kinda feeling the blood. IDK vampire kink or something.

"That's because..... you have amnesia too my love." he sighs, so all knowing smexy.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Rose curses the heavens, swearing to plunder and overthrow it!

But well that would explain why she kept calling him big smexy- to be fair he was very peerlessly beautifully and overwhelmingly sexy. Even more handsome than all the harem members combined and the author spent at least 3 pages describing the impossible hotness of each guy so this is alot. Like a lot a lot- cute 300 page description on the hotness of big smexy.

"And covid" he smirked smexily at the terrible revelation because that's just what MLs do.

Rose won't take her cruel fate sitting down, even though her life has been pretty face slapping perfect for the last 3900 chapters.

"I shall steal the heavens! I'm a doctor AND a cultivator AND immortal AND part dragon god! I can save myself!"

"So am I, a doctor and more. In this and 6,557 alternate universes."

"Oh Big Smexy! Take me on this cliff rn!"

"I already did, in 589 alternative universes. At least 9000 times of papapappa on this very inconvient sezy cliff~Let's make this the 590th universe?"

*You're so stupid baka" Rose was already taking her clothes off, crying in a love induced stupidy.

To the side, the ORPHANS play an orchestra for mood music.

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*Time skip Oh why the fuck bother

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Rose is dangling, she fought a truly tough dragged out DBZ level battle and it has finally come to this. Darth Vader slowly approaches very ominously.

"Rose." it breathes

"Don't say it" Rose cries.

"Rose- I "

"Don't you dare say that misquoted line!"

Darth Vader takes off its mask to reveal a horror beyond anything Rose has ever known in any world.

"Rose, I am your mother!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

sCREW dangling for her life, Rose just gonna chop off her own hand to drop. It will grow back by next Tuesday.

Nope. Not dealing with mama. Nope nope nope.

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*Time Skip 8 bc we broke time and reality

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"And do you Rose Whatchamacallit, take this big smexy hidden OP boss with one look from one eye can make everyone's panties flash flood alert wet, including mine and I'm a straight white male pastor, do you?

" It's can't be helped, it's not like I want to marry you baka!"

The crowd of orphans awwwww, that was the most beautiful declaration of love they ever heard.

"And do you Ja-"

*cue dramatic door slamming*

Bridal edition Rose was aghast for there stood....her evil for no reason twin sister!!! Who would have thought?

Also, she was really so damn close to finally figuring out Big Smexy name. They made lots of love and been through ups and downs for 8888 chapters but she did not actually know his name??? It happens sometimes and then it gets awkward to ask ok?

"You can't marry her! That's my evil twin!"

"No that's the evil twin!"

"No you twin btich!"

"You wanna go sis?!"

Bitch was still alive after the the last few thousand chapters? Daaaaang a true EVIL FOR NO REASON twin alright. And NOOOOOOO one could tell them apart?

IDK yo if the bae can't tell you from your twin sister maybe he doesn't deserve to be bae.

But where's the fun in that?

The wedding crowed parts into a boxing stage. In the center, the identical evil and good twins meet for....the ultimate match of Rock Sock EM Robots! It was made out of the bones of Prince Charming-sama, how fitting.

Still no one asked to groom how he felt? Or you know just asked him, he is ML bae after all.

"Who are all you people?"

Oh noes big smexy got amnesia again from saving everyone from a falling planet in another dimension, thus saving the universe. Oh well, it's the ML's job in a WN to save the day again.

I mean who else is gonna do it? The FL? Pffffy she's busy face slapping and looking pretty. You can't ask for too much from female main characters lol. That's the fantasy male love interest's job to be real OP.

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*Time skip -3700&%x59

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The wind blew, flower petals scattering in the air everywhere.

It was an environmental disaster but sooooooo pretty. Big Smexy, finally cured of amnesia, again, declares his undying love under the 8 moon eclipse. Very romantic. For some reason, his shirt is ripped open at the front, wet, sheer and clinging because this is Rose's perfect story moment ok????

"You don't remember Rose but I have always loved you since we first met. My world was so dark and you were so bright." he dripped and sparkles and Rose had to play tsundere to not lick him right there and then.

By the way she was wearing a designer brand black sexy dress from the most beautiful designers ever and this dress cost more money than a google search can provide. It clung to her va-va-voom curves, but not too much, like the public clings to news scares and toilet paper panic buying. Aka very clingy, very sexy-

*cue 3 page description of her dress alone*

"Baka what are you talking about? First met? Le- gasp! WE WERE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS WEREN'T WE?" Rose finally recalls after we finish talking about how hot she is.

From off screen dramatic violin music plays, it is from the orphan orchestra.

"Ya totally Rosa-chan. In this and like 9999 other alternative universes. We should totally visit the au caves for the honeymoon."

"OH BIG SMEXY-KUN TAKE ME NOW AND AGAIN AND SOLVE EVERYTHING WITH LOVE COMES FULL CIRCLE/SOLVES ALL TROPES!!!"

*cue the ORPHAN orchestra FULL BLAST *

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For god's sake someone turn off the Time skip function!

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"I...am Rose Whatchamacall it, and I am too old and wrinkly to be sexy MC anymore. I shall retire to reincarnate and find my dead Big Smexy ML, oh darn I forget his name J- something, again. To the next life!

This is my 44th granddaughter. Boruto Brosalia, she will be taking my place until this dead horse stops spitting out money."

"I'm just as good! BELIEVE IT!" screams bastard mini Rose knockoff.

"Da-da-dats all folks," pops out the magical immortal animal companion.

*cues ORPHAN orchestra ending OST*

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Do not stayed tuned for the AU, especially the one titled "Unloved Twin". Rose Whatchmacall it is not so awesome as Rosalia Therese Ventrella. Instead try, "Doki doki Generic Otome story I love Lilyanne-Sama~".

Already in theatres in a world near you, soon!

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I actually made this April Fool's joke last year. But it was only up for 48 hours. 

Due to some demand, it is now here to stay. 

Hope you had fun with it and the fun I poked at myself.

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