Nick wasn’t sure he read James’ message right. There was no way that was what he meant, right? Why was Nick focusing on that and not what James had said about coming to school as a girl? Was he that desperate to know how James felt about him? Fresh out of class and now he was losing it over a boy! He had to talk to Katie. She’d know what was going on. She had to. 

“What’s going on, Katie?”

“James decided to come to school as a girl tomorrow,” Katie stated.

“I know; he told me that.”

“I’m sorry, that’s all I know.” That wasn’t going to cut it. He needed more information. 

“Can you come with me for a second.” 

He pulled her aside. She needed to explain this message. There was no way he was going to relax until she did. 

“Katie, what does it mean?”

"Nick, I’m really sorry. He needs to explain. It’s not my place.”

“What does that mean?”

“James has to tell you.” She sounded conflicted. At least that's what he guessed, “Look, Nick, he's probably gone to bed or something. Send him a message. He’ll answer it when he wakes up.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because James is an idiot.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“You’d be surprised, Nick.”

They joined back up with Adam and the other people that had started coming to the table over the last couple of weeks. Those two were so open about stuff, it made like-minded people flock to them. He tried to compose a message for James. Maybe just asking was the best way to deal with this.

Nick: What do you mean “maybe you’d be okay with having a boyfriend if it was me.”

Now he just had to wait until James responded. Just one more class of being unable to focus, and then, hopefully, he could get some answers. Participating in the conversations of lunch didn’t seem like a viable option. He didn’t know these people. Instead, he listened, hoping that what they were talking about would distract him from his confusion. 

Jamie: I meant, I might like you. In a romantic way.

The message had appeared in the middle of last period but he had only just seen it. Why was his heart pounding so hard? What was he meant to say to a confession like that?

Nick: I like you too. 

Why did he say that? His hands had moved while he was panicking! 

Jamie: You do?

How was he meant to explain any of this to him? How was he meant to confirm things while he was blushing and waiting for his dad to pick him up?

Nick: Yeah, I do. 

Again his hands were moving before he could think. There was no way out of this anymore.

Jamie: As a girl?

Nick: As a guy. 

Jamie: Shit. What are we meant to do in a situation like this?

Nick: IDK? I thought you’d hate me for it if I told you.

Jamie: I could never hate you, dude!

Nick: You called me a fag. 

Jamie: Fuck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise. I was caught up freaking myself out.

The car ride home was nerve-racking. He wanted to keep talking to James, but he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to call him. Figure out what they could do.

“Talking to a girl?” his dad asked. Of course, he would notice his blushing.

“No, I’m just happy,” Nick lied.

“You don’t have to hide it, Nick.” He was smiling. His dad was always interested in what he was doing. He’d done so much over the years to understand him, even if he struggled with understanding Nick sometimes. He remembered his dad searching up websites for parents of kids with ADHD and autism. “I’m just glad you are talking to girls or guys. I’m not gonna judge.” How did he figure that out? Was Nick that obvious?

“I am talking to someone I’m interested in.” He decided it was best to just come forward with it. He needed advice. This wasn’t something he’d ever thought about before. Dating just never seemed like it would be on the cards when he had enough trouble making friends. 

“Is it that boy you always talk about?” Was he that obvious? “If so, know that I love you, no matter what, son.”

“It is; he said he likes me and I don’t know what to do about it, Dad.” 

“Ask him out? If he likes you, why not go on a date?” 

“What do you even do on a date? I wouldn’t know where to start! I can’t just ask him out. He has so much going on and --”

“Okay, okay. Then I guess just talk to him about it.” 

“You know I don’t know how to do that!”

“Just don’t think about it too much. If he likes you, he might take the lead.”

“He has so much going on, Dad. I don’t know he’ll be okay with that.” 

“It’ll work out, okay?”

They pulled into the driveway. 

“We’re home, now go talk to that boy. Your mum and I will be cheering you on and here if you need us.”

“Okay, Dad.”

They got out and Nick’s dad pulled him in for a hug. It was nice knowing that no matter what happened, his parents would love him. Once that was done, he headed for his bedroom. There was a lot he needed to talk about with James. 

Nick: I’m sorry, James. I was in the car. 

Jamie: It’s fine. Can we call? I need to talk to you about stuff. 

Nick: Sure.

An incoming call message was only on the screen for a second before he answered. 

“Uh, hi, Nick.” His voice had changed. Drastically this time. It was softer, sweeter. It was less like James hadn’t gone through puberty and more like he’d had his entire voice box swapped out.

“James, holy fuck, what happened to your voice?” 

“It’s a long story. You know Melody’s tree?” 

“Yeah?”

“Well, I talked to Melody, I asked her to make me more feminine.” James was talking to a dead girl from over a decade ago. That was definitely something they’d talk about after this identity-shattering nonsense was over. 

“Why, James?”

“Please, call me Jamie.” Jamie seemed like he was struggling to get those words out. As if saying it was causing him pain. 

“Why then, Jamie? I thought you didn’t want to be a girl?” Nick was so confused as to why Jamie would ask a dead girl to make him more feminine. It seemed completely at odds with everything he had expressed over the last couple of days.

“I want to be normal. I don’t want to be a girl, but if I have to be, I don’t want to be a target. You know?” Jamie’s voice sounded like he was on the brink of crying. “She appeared in my dreams, told me she did this to me and she can’t undo it. All she could do was make me more normal. So I took her up on that.” 

“You’re really going to come to school as a girl tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“I am. I feel like such a chick asking this, but can you check out my outfit for tomorrow? I took a photo of it and I think I’m going to send it to Lachie and Ben to let them know.” He sounded so defeated. Nick wished he was there to help him out. 

“Okay, what kind of feedback do you want?”

“Tell me if I look like a girl.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, Jamie.”

The photo came through their private messages. The girl in the picture was cute; she had most of the same facial features as James, only hers were softer. Her hair went down to her shoulders and looked well kept and pretty. She was wearing a dress that showed off her modest curves. She looked like a girl. He wouldn’t have believed this was the same guy from earlier that day if Jamie hadn’t already gone through a more drastic change before. 

“Wow, dude. You look pretty.”

“I have no idea how to feel about that, Nick.” He could only imagine the amount of conflict going on inside Jamie’s head right now. 

“I’m sorry.” There were so many things he wanted to ask Jamie about. So many things needed to be said. He wanted to comfort him and tell him that he’d always be a guy in his eyes, but that might not be what he needed. 

“It’s fine, Nick. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a girl, but I want to be normal, but I don't want to be a girl and I can’t be a guy because my mum would never let me transition so I have to learn to be a girl.” Jamie was rambling. Why did Nick think that was cute? Even with that soft voice, he could hear that Jamie hadn’t changed.

“It’s nice to see the guy I like is still in there.” Why was he being so blunt? Jamie must have been freaking out enough already; he needed support. Not a dumb gay flirting with him. He’d been trying to hide his feelings that morning and now he was being way too open. Was it the relief of knowing Jamie wouldn’t hate him that was allowing him to act like this?

“Aaa,” Jamie squeaked. 

“I’m sorry!” Nick squeaked back. 

“It’s okay. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” Seeing Jamie embarrassed like this was a weight off Nick’s shoulders. This guy who was usually so cool was so cute when he was embarrassed.

“Neither do I!” Everything felt too sudden. This couldn’t have happened naturally. Jamie had never shown interest in him before right? It couldn’t be real.  “Before we figure this out though, are you okay with liking me like that? Did Melody do this to you as well?” He felt dumb for not thinking of that earlier. Jamie might not even actually like him. It could all just be some dumb trick being played on him. 

“I thought that might have happened, too. I didn’t want to be around you because I thought the more time I spent with you, the more girly I’d become.” There it was. He was about to say all of this was just a joke played by a pissed-off ghost or something. “Melody didn’t change my sexuality. She told me that. Katie was surprised I didn’t realise I like guys earlier.”

“So, you like me?” It still seemed so impossible. 

“Yes, I’m pretty sure I do.” Jamie’s embarrassed confession was too cute. It was so much like him.  “What about you? You said you liked me as a guy. Are you sure you still like me when I look, you know, that?” It was weird. No matter how girly he sounded or looked, it was hard to see Jamie as anything other than a guy. He’d gone from handsome to cute, sure, but he was still a guy. 

“I can’t think of you as anything other than a guy. I like you.” His heart was doing backflips as he said it. 

“Shit, I don’t know how this works.”

“Me neither,”

“Then do you want to be my boyfriend?” Jamie asked. Was this how relationships went? Nick had never been in one before. He’d never realised he had a crush before. Was he ready for this? 

Then, like a skillshot, it hit him. Nick had no idea where all of this confidence was coming from, but he felt like he knew what he had to say.

“Do you want to be mine?”