Jamie had a boyfriend. The thing he was most scared of. Something he’d never thought would happen or could happen. He had a boyfriend and he was ecstatic about it. There was still so much to do before tomorrow, so much he still needed to tell and explain to Katie, Ben and Lachie, but here he was, blushing and freaking out over having a boyfriend. If he wasn't so panicked, he would probably be freaking out over how he was acting like a schoolgirl, but he couldn't, Nick was there. A guy who, despite everything, still somehow thought of Jamie as a guy, and one worth crushing on.  So what if Jamie had had multiple nightmares about this situation? So what if people would eventually see him as Nick's girlfriend? He couldn't help but smile. Something good had come out of this awful experience and he wanted to bask in it. 

"I do. I'm just sorry I'll be seen as your girlfriend."

"That's another thing. Should I call you a girl? I mean, do you want me to use she/her pronouns?" He didn't. Hell, he didn't want to talk about any of this, when he could just be talking to his boyfriend and figuring out how to deal with his newly figured-out sexuality.

"I need to get used to being called a girl."

"I don't want to misgender my boyfriend, dude." His boyfriend. That was him. Why did being called his boyfriend feel so fucking good?

"At least in public?" Jamie asked. Nick's concern was touching, but he needed to learn.

"I can do that. I'm sorry." 

"It's okay. I need to get used to it. I'm gonna be wearing a dress tomorrow and I doubt Lachie and Ben will be too worried about misgendering me."

"How are you going to tell them?"

"I'm gonna post in announcements. It's probably the best place to start I guess. Is it okay if we stay on call while I tell them?" It felt like he was giving in to femininity and becoming weak by asking for help, but was that even worth worrying about when he was wearing a dress and talking to his boyfriend? This was stressful. Support was going to be important.

"Of course."

Jamie figured the best place to start was by posting a picture. Seeing is believing when it came to these guys and they weren't going to believe him unless he posted that picture first. Looking at it hurt. He might have asked for the new changes, but they were still terrifying to see. His soft face, his long hair; he couldn't recognise himself anymore. There was nothing left of James in there. It was just Jamie.

Ben: Who's that?

A reasonable question. Jamie was unrecognizable.

Jamie: That's me.

Ben: Holy shit, are you serious? Is that a filter or something?

Now the fun part of explaining he now has tits.

"Fucking hell. I just realised I can't convince them the same way I convinced everyone else."

"What do you mean?"

"People only believed me before this cause I showed them my chest. I mean, can you imagine what would have happened if they found me as you did?" Jamie shivered just thinking about it.

"Just say, 'I woke up as a girl' or something."

Jamie: I wish. I woke up as a girl two weeks ago. That's why my voice has been weird.

Ben: You've been spending too much time with the freaks, James.

Jamie: Ben, look at that picture. Does it look like I'm joking here?

Lachie: So you have boobs now?

Jamie: Unfortunately.

Ben: As internet law dictates. Show us.

Jamie: God you're gross.

Ben: Then I don't believe you.

Lachie: So this is why you've been ditching us?

Jamie: Yeah. I didn't want you two to find out.

Ben: Aww, don't you trust us?

"Why am I friends with these guys, Nick?" he asked. Why did he hang out with guys like Ben?

"Lachie isn't too bad."

"It was rhetorical, dude."

Lachie: So you're a girl now?

Jamie: If you don't believe me, I'll be dressed like that tomorrow.

Ben: Not gonna respond, huh?

Lachie: You asked her to show her tits.

He recoiled at being called 'her'. That was something he needed to work on if he wanted to pretend to be a girl. Maybe he'd have to try referring to himself that way. He needed to think of himself as a girl. That was what his mum had been trying to teach him all last week.

"Nick, can I call myself your girlfriend?" Jamie struggled to get those words out. Being a girlfriend was the last thing he wanted.

"Why? You're a boy. That makes me your boyfriend." Nick was too sweet. He wanted to just agree. He wanted to be Nick's boyfriend.

"I need to try thinking of myself as a girl," Jamie said. She said.

"Okay, just don't push yourself."

Jamie: I knew you'd be like this Ben.

Ben: It was just a joke.

Jamie: I know.

Jamie: But still, suck my dick, asshole.

Ben: Kind of hard when you don't have one.

Jamie: Fuck you.

Ben: That's not very ladylike, Jamie.

She wanted to punch Ben in the face. She needed to punch him in the face, but she knew that wouldn't end well. Tears started welling up. Why did this always happen when she got frustrated? Was she not allowed to be angry?

"Are you seriously going to hang out with them from now on, Jamie?" Nick asked softly.

"I need to." Her sobs were picked up by her microphone. Getting them under control while trying to understand her old friends wasn't going to happen. Ben sucked. Over the last week, he'd pushed her into so many bad situations, but for some reason, she didn't want to lose him. She didn't want to lose any friends over this. 

"Why? We could hang out with Katie. We could probably even tell her about us?" That sounded nice. It would be better. It would be so much better. So why did she want to say no? Everything was fucked, why go back to it? Why did she so badly want to hang out with assholes?

"I want to be with my friends," she sobbed. "I don't want to lose everything James had." The divide had been crossed, the dam had broken. She'd done what she was most scared of; she'd started seeing James as the other. The girl in the mirror James had seen when he'd woken up that first day was her now.

"It's okay, Jamie."

"It's not. I don't want to be Jamie," she cried. Why couldn't she stop? She'd decided to try referring to herself as a girl and already she felt like she'd lost something important.

"It's okay, James." She wanted to accept what he said, but it wasn't true.

"I'm not James anymore, Nick. James died when I woke up as a girl."

"You're not a girl."

"That's what Melody said, that's what Katie said. It doesn't change my body. It doesn't change that I can't be James anymore." All that was left of him were painful memories and dulled impulses.

"You're the same guy you've always been." How could he say that while listening to her sobbing? "You're the same guy who listened to my ramblings and didn't mock me for it. The guy who picked me up when I tripped. The guy who invited a lonely kid sitting by himself to play games."

"That was all James," she mumbled.

"Exactly. It was all you. You're the same person, Jamie. Katie and Melody didn't lie."

"I would never have told you I liked you if it wasn't for this. James wouldn't do that."

"You did, though, didn't you? Do you regret not being like your old self when it came to this?"

"No, I just don't know anymore." Her tears were starting to subside.

"You're still you, still the James I've been crushing on for weeks." She felt her face warm up. How long had she not noticed?

"Holy shit, you liked me for that long?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. Fuck. We should get back to dealing with the other two." What? Her brain felt like it was about to short circuit. 

Lachie: Back off Ben. Can you imagine how confused she must be?

Ben: Look, she should have told us instead of lying and going to make out with Nick.

Lachie: Dude, I think you've made it obvious why she wouldn't tell us you fucking perv.

Ben: That's rich coming from a hentai addict.

Lachie: I stopped reading that like a month ago.

Lachie: Grow up.

It was touching seeing Lachie defend her. Maybe it would be fine if she hung out with them next week. All she could do was hope. Dealing with Adam scowling at her if she tried to stay with Katie didn't sound like fun as he was trying to adjust.

"I didn't expect a defence from Lachie."

"Yeah, I didn't expect that from 'Mr. Look at my titty laptop background'"

"Nick."

"Yeah?"

"You need to work on your insults."

"Hey, I'm not taking that from my boyfriend." Once again butterflies started fluttering around in his stomach. Why did being Nick's boyfriend make him feel like flying?

Lachie: I'm sorry about him, Jamie. I hope you'll be okay to hang out with us at lunch.

Jamie: It's not your fault. I'll try.

Jamie heard the front door close. Mum was home and she'd have to explain her hair, her voice and all the other small changes that had occurred in her sleep.

"I have to go, Nick. I'm sorry I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Stay safe. Jamie."

She hadn't changed out of her outfit for tomorrow. That was good. Her mum would be glad to see her getting used to it. Even if it was killing her inside.

"Jamie, come out here!"

"I'm coming, Mum." Jamie's voice rang in her ears. It sounded pretty and melodic. A week ago, hearing that would have broken her; now she was disconnected from it. The noise that came from her mouth wasn't hers.

"Jamie, is that you?"

She walked into the living room. Explaining was too much effort when showing her new look would be far easier.

"Oh, sweetie, you look beautiful!"

"You're not going to question what happened?"

"Why should I? You already turned into a girl and I couldn't find a wig for you. It has to be fate."

Jamie wasn't sure how to explain it was a pissed ghost.

"I guess..."

"Now, come on, Jamie. No one would ever believe you were a boy -- and your voice, fate really did a number on that. It's so nice and pretty."

"Thanks..." She wanted to get out of there. She wanted to get to her computer. She wanted to talk to Nick, or Katie, or anyone else.

"Have you told your friends?"

"They know."

"I'd have loved to have seen the looks on their faces. Seeing their guy friend turn into such a beautiful princess must have been quite a shock." There was an amused quality to her voice that made Jamie want to scream. Mum really loved rubbing it in. The longer this went on, the more sure Jamie was that her mum had never wanted a boy. She never wanted a son. She wanted a doll.

"Get any good reactions? That Nick boy seems sweet." Jamie started blushing furiously. Why did she ask about Nick of all people? "Aw, my girl already has a crush on a boy. I told you, you'd get used to this."

"I don't!" she shouted. Not a lie, it was more than a crush now.

"Someone is defensive."

"Mum! I'm not your toy."

"You're my daughter. I'm allowed to take interest in my child's life."

"Then why didn't you take interest when I was a guy?" She didn't mean to say that. She shouldn't have said that.

"Go to your room. I'll get you for dinner."

"But, Mum..."

"Go to your room, young lady." Her mum spat those words out. Another way of just reinforcing Jamie would always be a girl to her from then on. She would never be seen as James again. Defeated, she returned to her room and sat at her desk. Before today, it would have been lights out, but she needed to talk. 

Katie: Your name isn't very creative, Jay. Anyway, how are you?

She needed to fill Katie in on everything that happened.

Jamie: I'm surviving. I told Nick everything.

Katie: I saw.

Jamie: I asked him out.

Katie: WHAT?

Jamie: I also came out to Ben and Lachie.

Jamie: And I look like this now.

She sent the picture. It might have been sudden to just drop all this on Katie, but Jamie needed to get everything out of the way.

Katie: Wow, how did that happen?

Jamie: How did any of this happen?

Jamie: A fucking ghost named Melody. She says hi BTW.

Katie: I'll ask again.

Katie: WHAT???