“What qualifies as ‘being human’?”

Multiple hands were raised in the seminar. Rows upon rows of long wooden desks, with short ones near the walls, spurting out in increasingly high altitudes. The teacher’s gaze scanned from his podium before he decided on a girl with a ponytail and a red band.

“Yes?”

“Our mental patterns, thoughts and actions?”

The teacher nodded. “Indeed, that is a good answer.” His sight was now set on the entire room full of students. “Humans are the only animal to commit suicide by choice. Not only that, but it can be said that humans are the only animals that experience true altruistic behavior,” he glared at a hand that raised at that, “though that is up for debate.” The hand lowered after that statement, the boy being a bit flush at not letting him finish.

“Can anyone think of a better one?”

A boy with a vest, proper white shirt, and a good set of khakis spoke in reply without even raising his hand in his enthusiasm. Possibly the only person to experience such a thing in a morals, ethics, and philosophy class. “Because of what we are made of?”

The teacher nodded again, “Indeed, another good answer. But just how the previous one can be debated, so can this one. When a human is missing something, whether it is part of their brain or body, are they not still considered human? Just malformed, warped, or having a mental disease.”

He gave a heavy sigh, “It’s alright, this is a confusing subject, and there is no right answer. The more input given, the better. Now, anyone else?”

There was a dead silence. The two most obvious answers were given, and he likely wouldn’t accept a religious one. With a quick once over, he looked down at his papers to finish up the lesson, the last seminar of the year, and of college for most. The finals had already been taken.

“Now, y-”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a hand.

Everyone was quite surprised. The person almost never talked by his own accord, either responding or staying silent. Even if he did, he rarely took initiative on things such as this. Then again, it was the end of the year, things like this seemed to happen. Still, he had their rapt attention.

“Yes, Mr. Laneth?”

“The pursuit of happiness.”

The old professor's lips curled up from a straight line. His teeth of white lurked between the small gap made by the smile, and he gave a hoarse, throaty chuckle.

“Mr. Laneth, I too believe that to be the reason.”

Mr. Rutherford was about to return to his blackboard when he still sensed that Darren was not yet satisfied. To confirm, he turned back around and raised an eyebrow at the student who had yet to drop his hand.

“Yes?” he said in an inquisitive tone. He did not expect this kind of behavior from him. Truly, he seemed the charismatic one, with the same black hair he himself had in his youth, and hazel eyes that brought him back so many years ago. Back when he was young. Yet, for some reason, Mr. Laneth simply did not act socially. He was always a bit of a puzzle, and the distraction from his ever-increasing age was welcome.

“Mr. Rutherford, as a well-known philosopher, I must ask you.”

He urged him to continue with his eyes, and Darren caught the hint.

“What is happiness?”

…

“Oooh! There he is!”

“Today’s the day, I’m finally going to ask Darren out! It’s my last chance before he graduates.”

“No way, don’t you know? He always rejects it when people ask to go on a date with him. And he’s not gay or bi, since he’s rejected boys too…”

“Ehhh, he’s that high class?”

“Nope, not in the slightest. In fact, quite the opposite.” A new person appeared, one of the taller girls in the class, six foot four, and slightly taller than the person they were talking about. “He never goes on a date, not a single time with ANYONE, he always says no because he wasn’t a solid living foundation first.” She put her finger to her cheek, “I’m pretty sure he wants a house and a job before that stuff.”

“Wait, so I can still get his phone number?”

Immediately, the other two froze and broke into a cold sweat. How had they never considered it?

“...I’ll go. I’ll bring back the secret documents.”

“Be careful Amy, this is behind enemy lines. I don’t know if we could provide you with reinforcements.”

“No matter, I must do this,” she raised the long sleeve of the uniform of the university they went to, “for our people!”

Ellisa put her hand on Amy’s shoulder, while the tall Tanisha gave an encouraging look, “Godspeed, ally.”

…

“Hey~ Darren!”

He looked behind him and acknowledged Katie’s presence before returning to his phone with his normal blank glare. He had once again not gotten the answer he had been wanting for so long.

Within expectations, Katie lurched forward and tackled him from behind, Darren just barely able to remain standing from the surprising amount of force that came from her legs. He was fit, not muscular.

“Hooo, look who’s popular.”

“People just happen to be into the silent dark horse trope these days.” He gave a soft accusing look at one of the few people he knew before attending education after high school, “Besides, you were way more popular than me, correct?”

“Well, boys ask out girls more often!”

He simply stopped paying attention to her after finalizing the phone numbers in contacts. It’s not that they were bad, in fact, they happen to be top tier. It’s just that he didn’t particularly care about relationships that had no benefit to him. He was never seeking love.

“And there’s that look again.” Her mouth showed her playful pout on full display as she prodded his cheek, near the eyebags that slightly formed due to the bit of his Italian heritage. “I hate it, you know.” For one of the first times in a while, her silliness hit an abrupt stop. “I’m serious.”

Again, he looked back at his screen. He had no reason to care.

In a slight outburst, she slipped the phone out of his hands so that she would force him to turn to her. Without words, she pointed him to the bench and sat him down.

“I hate it. Your stupid eyes. Your eyes that don’t express themselves. They show calculation and cost-benefit analysis, that’s what. Why do you keep being this way, why do you keep putting barriers up between people?” She faltered a bit, before regaining her stance, “I feel like if I let you go like this, I’ll lose you.”

“It really hurts Darren, it really does. I love you, you know?”

He nodded, “Yes, I love you too.”

“Then why can’t you understand how much more this pains me? Darren, I don’t want to end off on this…” She paused as she held her hand, before facing him straight in the eye, not even an inch away from his face, “I’ll change that look one day, okay? I’ll do it! And then, you have to do whatever I want, got it?”

He paused. This situation had absolutely no benefit for him. It did absolutely nothing.

And yet… It didn’t really matter, did it? You don’t fix brain damage, it stays with you forever.

“Okay.”

Immediately she stood up from the bench, turning around a single time before striking a cute pose. A dazzling smile with her hands carrying her bag behind her back, leaning slightly forward. “It’s a promise!” 

Without letting him refute, she simply left while waving. “See you around.”

In reply, he waved. Just as he always had, and just as he always would.

He held his hand in front of him. It hadn’t seen much hard labor and was quite soft to the touch. It matched nicely with the white shirt’s rim just barely sticking out of his suit sleeve. He had to go to a job interview next, as he made sure to pack his schedule chock full of things to make the most use out of his time.

He looked up at the sky. It would rain after his job interview. He could feel it and smell it coming.

As he walked, he thought about all the things he had done to this point, and the things that just happened. It’s not like he didn’t mean what he said, he truly did love her. His like for her was above many other things, and she always seemed happy.

He frowned unconsciously. He couldn’t tell if it was fake happy or not, maybe a bit of both. If she was though, how did she become so… fulfilled? She would surely make a good hero in one of those stories people wrote about.

He thought about a lot of things, then stopped thinking, then started again. All of it beginning differently but ending in the one thing that haunted him for his entire life. He simply could not find an answer to it even now. Perhaps he would grow old before then.

Until then, he could only ask.

What is happiness?

…

He waited next to the bus stop.

The dome above him was made of a hard glass, the kind that you would make cheap bulletproof stuff out of with quite a bit of plastics. The right end closed off with a mailbox just outside the wall while the left side remained open, likely for ease of access.

The pitter of the rain became a monotonous drone, a sort of white noise that calmed everything down. He couldn’t think, and yet he felt clear. This was only one of the reasons he liked rain.

He was forced out of the interview rather abruptly.

It wasn’t like he was bad at what he did. In fact, at the beginning of the interview, he would have almost surely been hired. It is surprisingly easy to pretend to be someone who you are not, as in being a confident, bright, and cheerful new employee ready for the job market.

However, after a bit of an in-depth look, he decided he did not want to stay. He didn’t like the environment, and he could do much better in the pay department. So, when the interviewer asked what was wrong, he simply pointed out all the things that were wrong. It was no surprise he was forced to leave, it left a bad impression on the man’s employees and practically insulted him.

He had always been detached.

It wasn’t like he didn’t consider himself human. After years of deliberation, he finally found a way to express it to himself and those closest to him. It was as if he were a human, and THEY were humans. It was just that, separating them into two groups, and as such things became more acceptable to him, making him take most everything in stride.

Katie was one of the few that accepted him despite his trait of being ok with more villainous deeds. That’s why he cared about her, she cared about him dearly.

He tried self-deprecation by calling himself an edge lord. Katie laughed, at least. Still, he couldn’t seem to find the humor in it. Perhaps it wasn’t his, as they say, 'cup of tea'.

But most importantly of all, he simply lost the ability to be actually happy. 

He looked up at the rain again. The clouds took a deeper hue through the discoloring of the see-through material. The world seemed to shun people who stood out, and even though more things were readily accepted, it wouldn’t change the fact that some things unconsciously weren’t.

But that’s okay, he’s a good actor.

He slipped his phone out of the pocket of his suit. The bus was five minutes late. As normal, it would be ten more minutes before it got to him.

It wasn’t like he was particularly intelligent, a decent chunk above average, sure, but only that. It was just that he fleshed out things a bit more than people. Charisma could fill in the gaps, and though others might have said otherwise, he isn’t as handsome as people make him out to be. The forbidden fruit behavior just draws them in, Darren supposed.

On and on the train went, until it ended up in the same direction as he was used to. The same question with no answer.

...It smelled weird.

It didn’t smell like the normal fresh, earthy smell of a storm. It smelled… different. Not like the acidity of acid rain, nor the unique chill of hale, but something new altogether.

He closed his eyes and basked in the scent a bit. It was quite soft, and even softed out by the already soft scent of rain. It was almost as if he could feel the cars going by on the road, hear the sight of the bird’s nest on the tree, taste the touch of the hollow trash drum. It felt nostalgic, in a way. Perhaps he needed to stop thinking so much.

To distract himself from his own self, he pulled out earphones and slid them into his ears. With a few taps of habit, he pulled himself into a world of music.

He thought for just a bit before the chorus hit. He thought not about things, but Katie. Slowly, he clutched his heart in sad resignment.

It’s not like I can’t feel, it’s just that... I don’t express myself well. I’m a person too, the feeling tightened, so why do I have to change?

Not even the people closest to me think I matter. To them, Darren Lareth is sick in the head. But I’m Darren, why can’t they just allow that? Don’t they know it hurts to be treated as a monster when you aren’t even trying to be one?

...It might just be that I’m apathetic.

Out of all the other kids who went to that philosophy/morals/ethics class, he was the only one to like it besides the kid in the vest. It made him think, it made him ponder, it made him act. It made him feel normal, both the lessons and Mr. Rutherford, the old retired veteran. He’ll miss it.

He closed his eyes and looked to the sky.

The smell changed again, the not-acidic not-earthy not-chill smell. His constant confliction and alternative 80’s were drowned out by the sudden, subtle change.

His eyes that looked so ever calm changed. They opened wider than they had ever before, his face spouting a grin at the sheer ridiculousness of it.

“H-hey, this is a joke, right?”

Everyone who was asked by media explain they can’t remember what happened that day. No differing accounts, no small details, nothing. There was one thing, however, that everyone agreed on that day.

That day, the sky fell.