98. The Point Is, Death
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"Bye Lindent!"

Waving my entire arm into a huge goodbye to his brief nod, he jogged off into the streets, and I regarded the cup in my hand thoughtfully.

"Cup of Secrecy? Like the Pot of Secrecy, but smaller?"

He nodded, looking proud, then gestured at it, as if to get me to start talking to it.

I blinked at the thing in my hand, the beginnings of a laugh starting to bubble up my throat, when I heard a sharp intake of breath. In the time it took me to look up, Lindent had snatched the cup back from me and raced to the kitchen, which, what now?!

In a few bewildering moments, he was back, the cup freshly washed from the kitchen sink. He still looked very proud of himself, though maybe a little more hesitant. This time, he offered it to me a lot slower, his head tilted in silent question.

Laughing, I took it from him. "Should I share my secrets with this cup this time?" I joked, grinning.

I expected him to nod with that seriousness of his, but Lindent seemed to consider the question carefully. He shook his head. "This cup is for courage."

My eyebrows rose up. "So... a Cup of Courage?" I asked, befuddled. "Courage for what?"

He turned, and I followed his gaze to the storage room. He then looked back at me. We stared at each other before his expressionless face cracked into a small smile. "To share your secrets with someone else."

That had happened an hour ago, and Cook and the others came in shortly after that, breaking up the relative silence and bringing a bustle of work to do. I'd pocketed the cup in my apron and didn't really have time to, well, do anything really, until we were pretty much done with the clean-up. Then Lindent had looked at the time and bolted out the door almost immediately, save for a quick hand on my shoulder and a meaningful look.

I'd just barely been able to say my goodbye before he left. Seeing him go had reminded me of the cup, though, and I'd brought it out again.

...Okay, that was a lie. All throughout the busy work, I'd been thinking about this cup and what Lindent had said about it the entire time. Him leaving didn't remind me: I took it out because I finally had some time to myself to really organize my thoughts.

Because first, how had Lindent realized my worries had something to do with Rosa? I considered myself pretty good at hiding anything I didn't want to show on my face-- I mean, I didn't survive in customer service for years for nothing-- and I thought I'd been the perfect picture of light, happy, and 'everything's great!' whenever I even mentioned Rosa to him. Sure, today I had sighed myself to oblivion, but he shouldn't have been able to, oh, decipher them or anything.

Maybe it was the fact he saw me get a bit visibly frustrated at Rosa when he'd first come in..? Or he had some insanely good ability to read the room... which I couldn't deny straight out, seeing how quiet he always was. Who knew what he was thinking all the time?? 

But more importantly, why did Lindent think I should confide in Rosa? If anything, I had expected him to offer himself as....

As....

Wait, in retrospect, didn't that sound super arrogant??? Wow, was I really expecting him to offer himself as my confidante?!?? Goodness gracious, Filian! We were friends now, but we weren't like that close!

I pressed my lips together in embarrassment. It was still true that I kind of had, though, since he'd been the confidante last time. Hah, the way I'd been so ready to say aw thanks, Lindent, but it's really alright, too-- the words were practically on the tip of my tongue.

Weeell, I guess he hadn't really offered himself then either, since he had offered the Pot of Secrecy. He'd just overheard everything, since I took that Pot and practically screamed to the world how I... how I hated........ Rosa..........

Ah.

Maybe that was why he knew. Haha.

Sighing, I turned the cup in my hand as I headed back inside. "Guh," I said out loud, blowing on my bangs. "He's probably right."

"Who's probably right?" echoed Rosa, popping up from who-knows-where next to me. I yelped, but she stayed, her eyes sparkling. "Hihoo?"

"What?" Was that a new greeting or something?? "Hihoo?"

Rosa rolled her eyes. "No, he who?"

"Oh. Um, just Lindent. Gah, Rosa!" I yelled, throwing up my arms to shield my eyes. Why did she suddenly get super sparkly??? "What's up with your sparkles??"

"What sparkles?" Rosa asked, but I had no time to answer: I heard a thump from behind me. I turned back just in time to see someone rushing to help one of the newer temp cooks who'd fainted onto the floor.  Poor guy-- may he have fallen onto one of the cleaner parts of the floor today.

With probably the hundredth sigh of the day, I turned back to Rosa, squinting. "Rosa, do you have some time before you leave for the Academy again?"

Was it just me, or did Rosa's sparkles intensify even more? "Yeah? Why?" she practically chirped.

I managed to give her a weary smile. Lindent was right. I needed to explain myself properly; it did neither of us any good for me to keep refusing her with other excuses.

"Just to talk for a while."


Seated on some of the empty crates lying around in the nearby alley, I stared hard at the Cup of Courage.

If you're the Cup of Courage, I told it in my head, ya better work well.

"So?" Rosa asked first, lounging on a nearby crate across from me. She was leaning back onto a stack with her legs crossed, looking mildly cheerful in the dimming light of the evening. "What's up?"

Clutching the cup in my hand, I took a deep breath, let it all out, then faced Rosa resolutely. "Ro, I'm going to be honest with you."

"I'm listening," she nodded, her golden eyes glistening under strands of brown hair.

"You see, the truth is...."

My gaze dropped back to the cup, mindlessly rubbing its surface with my fingers. Now, how was I supposed to word this? Rosa, I can't help you and I want you to stop because I'm afraid we're going to die? That would be too...

Actually, that would be fine, wouldn't it?

I began speaking hesitantly. "Rosa, about your plans to stop the war. I can't help you, and a part of me wants you to stop. I'm scared of dying." I paused, my shoulders tense. "I'm also scared of you dying, of anyone else in our families dying, of anything bad happening to any of us because of this. What if it doesn't work out? What if we end up dying because of it? The entire goal feels so huge, and I don't know how this could work out. Ro, there are too many things that could go wrong-- and I'm scared of, well, of death. That's why I don't think I can help you, even though I promised. I'm sorry."

When I looked up again, Rosa was quiet, her face unreadable.

The silence lingered between us, neither looking away. When she spoke, she straightened herself, a new seriousness set in her mouth. "That's exactly why I'm doing this."

I blinked, my voice soft. "What do you mean?"

"I know what you're feeling, Filian. I've lived with that fear for too many years." Uncrossing her legs, she leaned forward, her eyes never leaving mine. "Once you live with that fear for a long time, you come to loathe it. Detest it. And that's why I'm going to stop the war."

"But--"

"Every single one of the soldiers that die in the war will be one who came from somewhere. Who knows how many of us are out there fearing for death? Filian, when the war begins, it won't be an if anymore. The question won't be a what if someone dies from this. It will be how many."

I stayed quiet, struck speechless by the intensity of the emotions boiling inside Rosa's pupils, the lines of her face, the furrow of her brows.

She took a deep, shuddering breath, her head dipping down. Her brown hair-- the sparkly brown, silky smooth locks that I knew so well-- masked most of her face from me. "I don't blame you for wanting me to stop. I don't blame you for not wanting to help me, either. But Filly, Filly, I can't live knowing that I could've saved one more family from the pain of that disgusting, horrible separation, but didn't even try." She chuckled bitterly. "Besides, I'm the heroine. That should count for something, shouldn't it?"

Cautiously, slowly, as if not to scare her off, I rose from my crate and re-seated myself nearer to Rosa.

"I'm sorry," I told her quietly, swallowing down a lump in my throat. Giving her soft pats on her shoulder as she slumped down, I looked out the alley into the street, at all the individual lives that were passing me at this very moment.

So many people. So many lives.

I glanced down at the cup, still in my other hand. Maybe I'd needed this courage not for myself, but for both of us. I thanked Lindent silently in my heart, a small, grim smile barely surfacing onto my face.

Thank you, Lindent. I thought I was the only one who needed this cup. I think Rosa needed it more than I did.


A/N: To make up for being a little late on this update, the next chapter will be coming tomorrow. Thank you for waiting!

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