{ Monday, November 12th, 1800. Planet Spirit, Kingdom of Latwelia, Grimhorn Plateau. }

As the sun rises in the horizon, Ben Higgs walks closer to the edge of a precipice. He sees, below a thin veil of clouds, a sea like green forest very far down. Furthermore, to his side, he sees the continuation of the precipice of this immense tableland.

“Grimhorn… I ended up closer than I expected.”

‘I hoped it would be closer to the Myriac’s Ruins. Like this, I would have to travel through the whole Latwelia and a good part of Slet to arrive there. Besides, the worst part is still to cross the Myriac Range.’

Before the teleport, Ben held a bit of hope to appear closer to the place that interested him. While he could indeed travel through the whole continent eventually, he finds it too mentally tiring because of the danger involved. Such long travel would entail Ben passing through bigger cities or regions ruled by dangerous and mighty people, what he would rather avoid. For Ben, staying in some small town and mixing himself in it is much easier and within his comfort zone.

[sigh] as he breathes, a cold fog appears from his mouth. Next, he sees the smoke being carried by the wind flow.

In addition to the warmth from the rising sun, Ben feels the sharp cold wind in his slightly bald scalp.

“Cold morning dew, the sight is so beautiful. The ground wants to erode you. The plants want to eat you. The wind wants to cut you. The air wants to suffocate you. No animals anywhere, and all one can find around is a type of silence that doesn’t seem to care… about life. Indeed, so beautiful.”

Due to the peculiar geo-formation, Ben quickly recognized his surroundings. He couldn’t find such an enormous plateau anywhere else but in Grimhorn within the Kingdom of Latwelia.

Ben stands 10000 meters high in a plateau around 2000 km wide. The place is very flat and covered in its unique ecosystem. However, due to the altitude and nature of this ground, living here is impossible for ordinary people and even very difficult for cultivators. And because of its historical instability, the plateau never was used by people for long periods.

Ben thinks this area is beautiful. He couldn’t find many places so unique and untouched by humans. Unfortunately, it is extremely painful to live in such a thin atmosphere, as even the spirit energy is scarce. Ben isn’t an exception either, so he never lived here and only stayed some time researching the area.

‘Finding a cavern while going down shouldn’t be too difficult. Yeah, I need to go into seclusion. First, memory maintenance. Second, I need to decide how to proceed with my fellow earthling. And third, I should make some long term plans since I got some extra time without needing to sleep too deeply.

Due to the tragic recurrence of sudden amnesia, Ben developed a few countermeasures. Besides, the systematic way he deals with memory, he also fortifies his neural network often and has isolated a portion of crucial memories.

What he created in his mind follows the same logic seed banks did on Earth. To avoid the catastrophic reality of forgetting everything overnight, Ben separated a few scattered meaningful memories and isolated it from the rest of his brain. While he usually can’t access it, he tested it and concluded that such a system should also result in minimizing the risk of erasure.

Over time, Ben pinpointed that every event of sudden amnesia involves triggering the memory in an unusually powerful way, thus burning the related neurons. As a result, he believes that disabling the ability to trigger should inhibit the crisis as well. So far, his conclusion is still valid, as he is yet to lose something from his bank.

Everything has worked quite well so far, at least when considering the means he has in his hands. However, due to the isolation, Ben tends to avoid making critical long-term decisions while the seal is active. It just feels wrong, like the one making the decision isn’t fully him.

Unfortunately, despite his advance on mind and energy manipulation, Ben still has no way to avoid the corrosion from time. As he lives on, his mind wears down. Old memories are gone, new ones appear, and this cycle seems to want to continue. However, Ben doesn’t want to embrace such a life, as he finds it the same as reincarnation, equivalent to dying.

His abilities and the limitation he confronts everyday shaped the Ben that exists today. Someone obsessed with memories.

While thinking about the maintenance to come, Ben looks around, searching for a reliable way down. Unfortunately, he finds nothing within sight.

‘I don’t think anyone is keeping some way up and down… I heard no news of something happening up here lately either.’

Ben looks into his ring, searching for something despite not knowing exactly what.

“So be it.” having found something, he jumps down without hesitation.

The feeling of the cold in his skin intensifies, his clothes wiggle to the wind, and he closes his eyes using his spiritual sense to feel the surroundings.

After free-falling for a dozen seconds, a white fluffy material appears around Ben. After using a small amount of energy, the material folds and comes very closer to him.

A bit less than a minute after jumping, when Ben was a few dozen meters above the ground, the material expands into a big sphere-like shape with a diameter of four meters.

[bang]

Despite the cushioning, quite a few of his bones break from the impact.

Ben has shut off most of his nervous system to avoid the intense pain, and, the moment he hits the ground, a considerable wave of energy flows from his dual-energy core intending to heal his body.

A few minutes later, Ben stands up. The white material retreats into the ring but now covered in dirt and with some blood on it.

Ben looks up and takes a big breath. Following, he cleans up the surrounding impacted area, eliminating any traces left.

After finishing, Ben stretches his body. Then, he looks up again. ‘I am becoming crazier by the day.’

At this moment, he quickly turns around, looking at the line of trees not far from the cliff. His fast movement seems to scare a dear-like animal, making it jump back and run into the bushes.

[chirping sounds]

“The contrast is too big.”

Ben ignores the lively atmosphere and the few animals that seem to have been attracted by his blood.

Walking along the cliff, he searches for a cavern. Around him, hiding in the forest, Ben can feel quite a feel presences. [slap] Ben kills a big mosquito which landed at his left shoulder.

After walking for a few dozens of minutes, he finally finds an empty cavern. Stopping at the entrance, he takes a bottle with some powder in it and draws a line in the ground with it. Then, he enters. The animals left behind show signs of annoyance, some run away, while others only retreat slightly. However, none seem inclined to follow Ben inside the cavern now.

‘The shock attracted more than I expected. Luckily, nothing too troubling that could ignore the wariness from my blood appeared.’

Inside, Ben takes incense burners and light them up. Following, he places a low marble chair and a small table on the floor. Lighting, on it, a stone-like candle.

Ben then takes his bloodied shirt off before cleaning himself with a wet cloth.

After finalizing the preparations, he sits down and removes from his chest a book. Following, he continues to read [“Insights”] from where he stopped. He finishes reading it in one go, only stopping somewhere in the middle of his reading section to take off some alcohol to drown his emotions.

As he arrives at the end of the book, Ben can clearly sense that the words have no energy, no extra insight. Those few closing words were only what they look like: words.

[…]

Now that I am dying. Having more time made it no less valuable. Having more strength made it no less needed. Having more insights never satiated me. I have answers to questions I would rather never ask, and I have several questions to which I will never get an answer.

I can only finish this book as it all started.

Once I was watching. One was raging, the other so calm. I asked my self: What if? Then I interrogated them and everyone else. I sought answers to all kinds of questions.

Later, surprisingly, both my brothers inquired me the same thing in their death bed: “If you could go back in time, what insight would you give to me back then?”

Maybe they were curious about my achievements, or maybe they were trying to handle their doubts and regrets. However, on both days, I didn’t have an answer, and I couldn’t give one, even if I had. I was crying.

For them, I wrote this book, but they are long dead, and I am dying, so does it even matter? Yet, I still wrote it, trying to answer the last question they asked me since they answered so many dumb questions I asked them.

I would like to answer them: One can either rage brightly against the river of time or sit tight on a fragile raft and wait for the current to erode everything. Not much difference, as both try so hard to reach slightly farther, searching for something, and simultaneously hoping to have something to search for.

But if I truly went back to the moment of their death bed, I would still give them the same thing: a shower of tears. I loved them.

Goodbye.

By Chloe.

[SIGH]

[CLAP] the book closes, and Ben throws it on the table.

Ben takes another bottle from his ring. Ignoring the glass at the table, he gulps down the whole bottle in one go.

The bottle leaves his hand next and rolls on the ground.

Ben lays his head at the table, closing his eyes. There he stays, forcefully emptying his mind, so he doesn’t lose control.

From the first time he touched a copy of [“Insights”], Ben thought that something would be in that closing section. As she went on talking about her conclusion, she would also have left in between the lines her impressions and maybe some kind of last insight. However, to Ben’s surprise, as the book got closer to its end, he found less and less energy.

After spending hours in that position, Ben finally raises his head again. Opening his eyes, they are red.

‘Acceptance or giving up? Should I be disappointed? Indeed, what would I find in the end? Eternal silence? Nothing? Everything? What do I even want?’

In the past, Ben always thought that reading the book in its deeper form would bring with it another level of insight. However, the experience he found was rather depressing.

‘Am I overly sensitive? I never heard that others had this kind of experience. People tend to love this book, finding it inspirational.’

However, for Ben, it felt depressing. It saddened him when he compared what was written to the mark left by Chloe. Above all, it was distressing to see less and less insight given as the pages went by, culminating at the end where he found no energy at all.

[sigh]

“It feels more like a depressed diary. So insightful~…”

Ben decides to act on what he planned before. So, he stores the book and everything else useless away in the ring, and from it, he removes a bunch of material for Array Drawing.

He works making engravings on papers. Then, some stones. Then, his own body. His work, soon, pile up. By the end, his exposed skin is covered with marks, and then glued to it is some paper and stones. The sight overall is quite comedic.

Once his preparations are complete, Ben stores everything else away, which includes the two marble furniture. As a result, he ends up standing up alone in a dark cave. Slowly, he finds his way to a flat wall a bit deeper inside and puts both his hand in it.

After touching the wall around, Ben’s ridiculous figure, dressed in paper from his feet to the top of his head, stands closer to the wall after turning around. His back against it, he slowly sinks into the rock.

Eventually, Ben disappears completely. After hiding inside the wall, his body slowly descends, only stopping hundreds of meters down below. Then, his breathing stops, his body slows down, almost pausing, but his mind begins to work at an unusually high degree.

Ben goes into deep seclusion, focusing wholly on his memories this time.