Vacation to Helheim
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“So do you know how to get to Helheim?” Anthony asked Emelia, who heard about their destination from her mother.

“Yup, mom brought me here last time to see Satan get his but kicked,” she said cheerfully, skipping through the fog without any hesitation. As they followed her deeper into the freezing fog, they heard the sound of metal clanging together as if a hundred bells were ringing at once. As they walked further through the mist the sound grew louder and louder until the fog started to clear up, and they could see the source of the noise: a river of flowing weapons.

“This is cool, do you think we could get one installed?” Lilith asked carefully picking up a shortsword form the river. After examining the shortsword for a few seconds, Lilith held the sword and poked Anthony on his side. 

“Hey!” Anthony said swatting the blade away from him, “Stop stabbing me with sharp objects. You’re going to hurt someone.”

Lilith just shrugged and replied while continuing to poke him, “It’s not like it’s hurting you. Look, the sword tip broke while I was jabbing you anyway.”

"Yeah, but normally I scan the future for immediate threats, so when it doesn't show anything and I still get stabbed, I get startled," Anthony said with an awkward smile.

Lilith asked, “Wait a second, when did you learn how to see the future?"

"I just learned to see the future, since Vassago gave made a Pocket Guide to Seeing the Past, Present, and to Come. Didn’t she give one to you too?” he replied.

“Hmm, wait a second, was it the package that was in my mailbox the day before we even met,” Lilith said coming to a realization, “How was I supposed to know that’s what it was. Whatever, if you can see the future, why didn’t you just stop yourself from getting poked in the first place?”

Anthony furrowed his brows in annoyance and replied, “It’s because we figured out how to obscure our futures from Emelia so that what happened with Vassago wouldn’t be repeated a bunch of times. That also, why we’re looking for Belial, right? Since he’s powerful enough to obscure his way we can’t just force him back here.”

“Wait that’s why we’re following him. I thought it was just an excuse to take a vacation after doing all of those interviews,” said Lilith surprised at the reason for their departure to Helheim.

"I thought it was a vacation too,” Emelia chimed in with a confused smile.

"We're still on the clock. We don't have time to take a vacation, don't you remember what happened last time?" he said holding a hand to his forehead.

“Okay,” Emelia said despondently, she had a downcast look and tears were forming in the corners of her eyes as she walked towards the side of the river.

Seeing the dejected figure of Emelia, Anthony said, “Fine, we can take a vacation, but I’m not responsible for the mountain of work waiting for us.”

“Yay! Vacation time!” Emelia shouted with a sunny smile, “Vreau să merg în România, să-l întâlnesc pe unchiul Dracula.” (I want to go to Romania, to meet uncle Dracula.) (AN: I don't speak Romania please correct me in the comments if I'm wrong)

“Nu (No),” Anthony said, “Dracula was real, really? Who would’ve guessed, next you’re going to tell me Bigfoot is real too.”

Emelia gave him an agitated look and said, “Of course he’s real. He’s just misunderstood, okay! I’ll invite him for lunch, okay!”

“Is his name Richard?” asked Lilith, “It means strength.”

“No, just no, Richard doesn’t really mean strength anyways,” Anthony said in frustration at a 1970’s TV show about an Egyptian goddess, “We’re going to Helheim remember, we can take pictures of Yggdrasil or something.”

As they flew to the other side of the river of weapons. Lilith picked up a backsword from the river and noticing Anthony’s unamused gaze said, “What? It’s a souvenir,”

“Just don’t stab or cut someone with it please,” Anthony responded, giving up trying to prevent her strange antics. They landed on the other side of the river and continued walking until they reached a large wall made of bones of everything from whales to humans. Anthony asked Emelia, “Is this like the Underworld’s equivalent of a concrete wall or is this normally creepy?”

“I don’t think it’s weird, “ Emelia replied cutely tilting her head as she thought about her experiences, “Before mom had rivers of blood flowing through the villa, and Satan hung up the heads of dead goats everywhere. Also, this was here last time too, so I think it’s normal, probably, maybe?”

Holding his head after the indecisive explanation Anthony said, “That doesn’t give me much confidence about the sanity of the ruler of this Afterlife, but screw it, let’s just fly over the wall and meet them.”

Thye flew over the wall of corpses and landed on the other side when darkness started to surround them. A disembodied voice came from within the darkness, it was haunting like the sonorous bellows of an organ and inspired primordial fear and from its harsh coldness, “Well look at what we have here. A few ignorant kids have decided to invade my realm. I hope you’re ready to pay the price.”

From the darkness, a small blue flame materialized revealing the face of Hel.


Interview #68 Belial

“Wait, the next one is Belial,” Lilith said in confusion after reading the next interview they had, “Didn’t he fly off into the north and say that we’re not cool.’

“Who?” Anthony said when trying to remember, “Oh he’s the dude that’s two.”

“Anthony I don’t get what that riddle means at all.”

“No he’s literally two people,” he said pointing to two figures inside the flaming chariot that was flying towards them. The figures landed with the one on the left side of the chariot waving its left arm towards them. Emelia waved back as they landed, with the one on the right creating a screen behind him and started presenting.

“Here are all the reasons you shouldn’t fire us, by Belial,” The right one said with a voice like a flowing river.

“Why are there hearts all over the screen, did you put them here?” the right one asked the left who nodded enthusiastically.

“Whatever, but first, pay up.”

“What?” The three people sitting at the table said in unison. 

“You heard me pay up. It doesn’t really matter what it is, just make it good, and make it quick.”

Confused Emelia held out her dip bowl filled with chocolate sauce, which she had been dipping macarons and mandarin slices into, “Um, I have this chocolate sauce if you want it.”

The left one took the chocolate sauce and drank it all in one gulp. “That hits the spot. Okay continuing, I can give and make very good presentations, as you can see here, as well as Senatorships. I can also give good familiar.”

Suddenly Lilith pulled out a piece of paper shouting, “Okay, here is another list of familiars.”

Taking the piece of paper from Lilith the right one said, “Unicorns. Why are there so many types of unicorns there are like ten pages of this thing? Yeah, I’m not doing it.” Then he threw away the paper letting it float off into the breeze before the other one picked it up, skimmed it and started shaking his shoulders. The right one said, “What, you want me to do it. It’s stimulating your creative juices. Fine, I’ll do it, just stop shaking my shoulders.” 

Then he skimmed the list and started conjuring various types of unicorns, pegasi, and alicorns.

“Well, it looks like my job here is done. I’ll get going,” Belial said with the one on the right waving his left hand and the one on the left waving his right hand in farewell.

After they left Lilith came to an epiphany and slammed down on the table saying, “Wait, I forgot to ask him why he came back, dang it.”

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