Their eyes opened, knowledge blossomed, and with it, their purpose awakened...

They had to prove their superiority to the being before them, no matter the cost.

The goal?

The Official™ Best Mentor Of The Year™.

The criteria?

One broccoli-haired sinnamon roll.

"You're a serial killer-"

The skeletal blond man spoke before raising his nose haughtily in the air, blue eyes kind yet mocking.

"I need not say much else."

All Might flashed his signature smile towards the crowd, winking.

The peanut gallery roared out with calls of 'BURRNNN' and 'OOOOHHHH'. A few swooned.

(Let us not judge their tastes, no? Skeleton is in fashion this season.)

A black-haired man with icy eyes of sapphire was barely suppressing a grimace, hands suspiciously hanging by his side in an unconscious squeeze. A real coincidence that their general shape matched that of the blond man's neck to a T, amirite?

"A hard hitter, right off the bat, no doubt about that, ladies and gentleman! But the night hasn't been won just yet! No no, the contestants are just getting started!" The announcer yelled into the mic, spit flying everywhere.

"Hah, Jimmy, Jimmy, I'm afraid I've got it in the bag. I look forward to my medal. My 'competition' hasn't even said anything yet."

But it was the icy man's turn to smirk now.

"Idiot."

"What did you say-"

"Children learn a profession from a mentor. Does it have anything to do with that stupid morality code of honor thing that you tote around? He's just following in my footsteps, the good little boy. Being a killer is rather lucrative, you know! He'll never have to worry about putting food on the table!"

A gasp rolled through the crowd, but the skeletal man wasn't dismayed.

"Hmph. What about job security, you rapscallion?!" He scoffed again. "You lot die in droves all the time in dark, grimy alleyways! Really, really grimy alleyways! You alone make the dead's hygiene standards drop more than 200%! Be ashamed of yourself, you unclean fools!"

"Like you Heroes don't die either! And why are you discriminating against alleyways?! They're a perfectly fine place to die, thank you very much! You get a lot dirtier from decomposing and maggots, for Pete's sake! Your numbers are fake! Hehe. I don't think that's gonna look good for you. If you're gonna pull out random statistics, then I think we know which one of us is a better mentor, Toshinori."

"They aren't fake, you imbecile! Maggots are just the mean standard, but alleyways, oh alleyways, they make everything so much worse-"

"Pssh, yeah right-"

The two's voices grew louder and louder as they fought to clamor over the other's, a crescendo of pure, unadulterated arguing filling the stadium below. The Announcer, no, Jimmy (he actually got a name, nice job mob character) dabbed the sweat on his brow with a handsewn handkerchief given to him by his dearly beloved. The contestants this time really were rowdy. He doubted he could speak over them even with his mic.

Jimmy sighed, twiddling his thumbs at the thought of actually working, but then he remembered the little reward his wife mentioned if he did a good job.

(Yes, a mob character is a real man and has more of a relationship than you can ever dream of, you sad little lonely virgin.)

Jimmy gulped.

"HEY, YOU TWO!" They stopped, dead-still at the sudden guttural roar. "Please refrain from deviating from the topic of the debate and squabbling over each other like children! If this repeats itself a second time, you two will face immediate disqualification! With that said, we've wasted enough time on your meaningless arguments, so we'll move to the final conclusion right now! The crowd will decide based on your reasoning!"

The two quietly backed away from each other and meekly went back to the corners they had started out in at the beginning.

"Ahem, anyway, Toshinori-san, please start us off," Jimmy exclaimed.

"I am the Top Number 1 Hero in the country of Japan, if not the world. I work as a teacher in the famed school of U.A., where youths are cultivated into truly fine heroes. Unlike Mr. Serial Killer over there, I'm a good influence, and undoubtedly, with enough time, I can prove to be a good influence on Young Midoriya and cultivate that goodness that deserves to blossom, if not for others, than his own sake."

The crowd cheered, reaching a fervor pitch.

The man with eyes of frost grew even colder.

"Wonderful, wonderful, Mr. Toshinori— now will Contestant Number Two step up to give his rebuttal at this time, if he has any?"

"Oh, I most certainly have one, Jimmy-"

He laughed, condescending and sad all at once.

"He already had that chance once. Yet still, with his own hands, he threw it away, and now, there's nothing left to fix. It's all broken."

His eyes gleamed as All Might shook.

"Young Midoriya doesn't exist anymore, Yagi-chan! Only Deku is left."

"Deku-"

And so All Might awoke.

AN: So yeah, uhh, surprise?

The idea came to me and wouldn't let me go. Notice how the name 'Zero' never comes up a single time? Notice how the contestant knew All Might's real name? This was all just a fervor dream of guilt~

(because All Might doesn't know Zero's name or about Zero, even, but his mind can guess what Deku's role model is.)

Plus, I wanted to treat you guys to something half-way funny for once, even if I did end up making the end somber.