«Leah»  

February 14, 20XX

 

Aah, it’s that day today, isn’t it? Nothing but misery, well I am thankful to still be alive. But what am I supposed to do? I… I don’t even have friends, I have absolutely no one, I suppose I simply had to do what I did every day...

 

I sighed as I leaned and looked out the window, the sun was still rising, buildings were casting their shadows over the sidewalks and streets, and well for me ⁠— the view was peaceful and quite breathtaking. Seeing the sunrise was something magical, unfortunately, I couldn't see the sunset... But well, I can only ask for so much The place was quiet, my department was quiet. It was nice to have privacy, even if it was just a nursing home. 

 

I already had my injection for today, but well… It was simply better to look out of the window from a wheelchair. It was hard to move around too much. Couldn't be bothered to go anywhere, I had no one to bring me around either. 

 

Beep! 

 

The electronic lock was opened, I couldn’t help but focus my attention to the door.

 

Click!

 

A familiar figure peeked through it. 

 

“Surprise!” 

“Ah… It’s you, Lily.” 

 

I turned away and continued to monotonously look out the window as my lips curled. Why was she here? What about her boyfriend? Anyone? Why me? Ahh… I get it… She just feels pity, why must I do this to her? Why must it be like this… Why must I take away her life like that? This was a special day and well... she was supposed to be enjoying it, I couldn't give her that enjoyment. I was taking it away for that matter...

 

I used to try to treat her like a younger sister. Gesturing her to hug me or to lean on me and yet, it never happened. She often seemed fearful, it was saddening. That’s when I understood… I was useless… She simply should go away and live her life. Is what I thought. 

 

Her porcelain arms wrapped around my neck, I could feel her gentle breathing around my ear. 

 

“Looking out the window again?” 

“Yeah…” I replied to her whisper. “Shouldn’t you be somewhere else, I mean I⁠— 

“Shh… I am here because I want to. Don’t get the wrong idea, okay?” That was a lie… 

 

I didn’t even look at her, I couldn’t bring myself to do so. It was my fault after all. The sun continued to slowly rise and breathe life into the beautiful city that I called my home. I sighed seeing how I wasn't enjoying it, it was normally different but... why did she have to be here. 

 

“Hey.”  

“Hmm?” 

 

“Look for a second.” Her hand unwrapped. “Please…” A-aah. I guess it can’t be helped. 

“What is it this ti—” Plomf A chocolate was pressed against my lips. 

“Just eat it.” With confusion I started to chew— it was sweet and milky, soft and it melted with the warmth of my mouth. 

 

“Lily?” I was confused, the chocolate was good, but… 

“Shh…” She pressed her finger on my mouth. She was smiling. 

“Wh⁠— 

“I told you to shh.” She sighed. “Hey. Do you hate me?” Her eyes seemed teary. 

 

What… what was this all of the sudden? Hate? HATE? Why would I hate her? My sister out of all people— the one that cares for me, who looks after me; who I want to look after; who I want to be an idol for. Hating is... unforgivable... If there was someone I hated for this, then it had to be... myself. 

 

“I… hate myself…” I sighed. “You could be somewhere else, and yet… you are here.” I truthfully spoke out loud as I continued to vacantly look outside the window. A few seconds of silence went by, did I say something I shouldn’t have? 

 

I turned to look at her, she was looking on the ground. A glint of light streamed down her cheek and fell ⁠— wetting the ground. Another one… and another one. Her face was red. 

 

“Lily…” Why was she crying? Aah… it must be my fault. It always was.

“You… are... not supposed to answer that! “ She screamed. “Why can’t you be happy just for one day! I am here, I want to see you happy!” I… “Illness, this… illness that… Hating, hating... Why can't things be different today?!”

“I…⁠— “ What could I even say? She was right, I did nothing but make excuses… I could try to do something even in spite of all the problems and yet… I didn’t… I was mediocre. I never said something positive about myself either... pathetic.

 

“You are right…” I sighed in disappointment with myself and simply turned away to continue looking out the window. I was pathetically miserable, Lily had no business here. She could live her life and allow me to do my own things ⁠— the last thing I wanted was for her was to stick by me. Which is why I won’t say anything. It might be hard, but I am sure she is already used to it, it was normal after all...

A few minutes passed as I watched the growing sunrise. I heard some fidgeting behind me. 

 

Sigh. “Hey…” Her hands wrapped around me. “Let’s forget I ever said anything.” Why did she… Why didn’t she leave? Why? She could have left⁠— she should have left… “Leah…” Her whispers continued. “Come with me.” 

 

“To where?” My words were hollow and helpless as always. She needed to leave. 

“Don’t you want to go somewhere?” Her cheerful voice was melodious. “Let us go somewhere…” 

“I⁠— Plomf. I had yet another chocolate shoved into my mouth. 

“You need to stop being so bitter and simply say yes…” I was hurting her… I could tell. I wanted to keep going and yet...

 

Gulp… “Yes…” I had no other choice, I wanted to protect her… But, I suppose at least this once, it would be fine… 

 

She didn’t answer, to me, she simply smiled and pulled the wheelchair away from the window. 

 

“Why look outside when you can go outside?” I didn’t answer. She was carrying her purse and that was it. I had nothing left to do for the day, maybe read a thing or two, but that was it. 

“Maybe you are right…” I finally gave in. “Let’s go outside then…” 

“Hmhm!” She was happy, I could tell when I heard her harmonic humming as we exited the apartment. 

 

The atmosphere was quiet, the carpeted floor dampened her footsteps. It was peaceful, and yet I still felt unsure. Was I really not ruining her day? I understood going to such lengths for someone, but why me? I was never there for her, and yet… 

 

“Hey Leah, did I tell you? I got accepted into the college of Neurosciences.” 

“Eh?” When did… No, that wasn’t it. I knew she had a dream, and yet… I never knew what it was. “I am happy…” I wanted to be happy, but the overwhelming feeling of disappointment was immeasurable… All I did was do nothing all day, and I couldn’t tell what her dream was, what was wrong with me. 

 

◇ ◇ ◇ 

 

Ting! 

 

The elevator tone resonated, I could see my miserable self on the reflective walls and almost mirror-like marble floor. Overgrown dark hair and seemingly lost blue eyes. I hadn’t looked at a mirror in a few months already, I never took care of my appearance. Seeing something like that simply… solidified my thoughts. I was just a drawback for her. 

 

“Is there anywhere you want to go?” 

“No, not really…” I internally sighed seeing my hollow reply, I should at least... “Is there anywhere you would like to show me?” 

 

“Yes!” Her voice was cheerful. I guess I made the right decision. If I could make her happy at least once, that was enough at this current point in time. 

 

We continued walking along the sidewalk— namely her pushing me around. A lot of people looked at us, some hints of pity, some carried curiosity and others had happiness. It was normal, Lily was beautiful and meanwhile… I looked like someone that had just come out of some type of clinic, which wasn’t totally inaccurate, but it was still saddening. 

 

Thankfully the street was peaceful, maybe a few early runners or some elderly couples here and there. People that went to work were already there, which left us within the elderly’s stares. It kind of made me feel awkward, the occasional runner or biker would wave at us, but that was about it. The traffic was calm since it was past rush hour. 

 

Crossing the street wasn’t an issue thankfully. I couldn’t fathom making my sister take me around during rush-hour. It would be too much and yet… She was smiling, her black hair carried a brown tinge due to the sunlight’s reflection. 

 

She was beautiful. Seemingly noticing my gaze she smiled and tilted her head. 

 

“Everything okay?” 

“Ah… yes…” It was awkward.

 

 The first place we went to was the museum of ancient history and modern arts. For some reason they were mixed together ⁠— they maybe ran out of budget or something. I wasn't aware of the things going outside truth be told, most I did was look out the window from time to time. 

* * *

 

“Hey, Leah look!” She pointed at a rifle. It was old and had a helmet alongside it. The entirety of the frame being made out of wood and a rather chunky backside where the iron scope was. 

“It’s an M1 Garand.” At least I thought so anyway, I was simply eyeballing it. 

“Eh…” She paused and looked at me strangely. “I didn’t think you would know…” She seemed genuinely impressed but well...

 

I shrugged. “I have too much time in my hands…” Albeit it wasn’t totally accurate, more like I read novels all day and saw a picture of it in one of them. I had a war stories period… 

 

We continued strolling around the place. 

 

“Hey, Leah, what’s that one?” It was a blade this time. “It looks like one of those of the movies! You know, the ones that were full of jewels and things, and were held like knuckles…” She became a bit shy from her poor explanation, but I still recognized the short gamery-like blade. At least some people would recognize it from assassin games. 

 

“It’s a katar…” I awkwardly told her. 

“Wow, then what about this one! The pole thing!” 

“A guandao…” Why was a guandao next to a Persian/Indian weapon?! One of them is a polearm and the other one is a short-sword/dagger… Not to mention...

 

“But that one is Chinese… and the other one is from India…” I let her know my growing confusion.

 

“Eh… that doesn’t make sense…”

“It doesn’t…” I completely agreed with Lily. “I mean… they are totally different. For example, the katar is a type of short punching sword; native to the Indian subcontinent, as opposed to the guandao, which for starters is a two-handed weapon. Both of them have a lengthy history, for example. The guandao is a weapon of ancient history and in terms of shape can be compared to the Japanese naginata — another pole type weapon with a thinner and slightly longer blade, and it can also be compared to the European glaive, although those ones have hooks as opposed to the guandao. The guandao was invented at around 3AD by a Chinese general named Guan Yu… 

 

* * * 

 

One is fisted and the other one is two-handed. It simply doesn’t make sense! Even ignoring the regional differences it doesn't make sense...” 

“Ahahah… I see…” She gave me an awkward smile, did I...

 

At that moment I realized… I literally info-dumped my sister for one hour straight about two different weapons simply because I spent too much time reading blacksmithing novels… I… made a mistake, didn’t I?

 

“Sorry…”

“Hm?” She tilted her head clumsily. “About?” 

“For… talking so much…” I know it can be annoying, especially if you have no interest in the subject whatsoever and the person in front of you rambles about it for hours on end. 

 

She shook her head. “I am happy, that’s the first time I hear you talk so much after all.” 

“Eh…” Was it really? “Well then… I suppose it’s fine…” 

“Yeah…” She was looking at the ground with a faint smile.

“Then, let us go…” This was the right thing… I think… 

 

◇ ◇ ◇ 

 

“Hey, Leah…” She quietly called out for me as we exited the museum. 

“What is it?” She seemed to be thinking about something with a faint smile on her face.

 

“When did you learn so much about weapons?” 

“Eh well… I spend most of my time reading after all…” Reading light novels as a proper weeb should… But, she didn’t need to know that. Let me have my moment for once. 

 

“That’s amazing! Maybe you can teach me a thing or two someday.”

“Someday.” When would that be? That was the question. I absentmindedly faced the sky as I pondered about things. 

 

If only I could… do something for her. I wanted to do something for her, anything. I wanted to make her happy. I would do anything⁠— I'd still do anything… No⁠— that’s not the right way to think about it, Leah… You have your chance today, don’t be an inconvenience for once, and simply treat her like your sister… even if it might be awkward. Try to be the big brother for once...

 

“Want to get some ice cream?” Success… 

“Yes!” I still saw her as childish despite her being already an adult. I loved her, as my little sister, she would always be little for me. In spite of how much she did for me, in spite of how much she grew. I… I was sad, I wanted to be able to do more for her. 

 

Somewhere along the lines of wanting to protect her and not bothering her got mixed up… Not bothering her became the same as protecting her— Protecting her from me. I saw myself as doing her a favor, for simply avoiding her. I was saving her life from having to see me in such misery⁠— I was saving her from seeing me in such a state, making her feel pity for me. I was avoiding that and yet… I don’t even think she feels pity… 

 

“Can I have a mint one, and… Leah what do you want.”

“Ah… Vanilla chocolate please…” We were already in front of an ice cream stand, I guess it goes to show… How much I relied on her. 

 

“That’d be fifty.” 

“Ah, sure, give me a second…” I forgot my wallet… At that moment my sister handed him a bill and gave me my ice cream cone. “I am sorry… I⁠— Plomf. I was interrupted by yet another chocolate in my mouth. 

“It’s fine. I am just happy to be with you.” She kindly smiled at me. But I still felt bad…

 

I didn’t know what to say, if I tried to apologize again she would probably simply ignore it and interrupt me with another chocolate. That’s how she was… She didn't want me to say things she disliked... 

 

I continued to eat my ice cream in silence, she paid for it after all. We stopped below a tree to rest, of course, it was next to a bench. It’s not like my wheelchair could handle rough terrain. We were underneath the tree's shadow, I silently ate as Lily sat there and absentmindedly observed me with a smile on her face. 

 

“What is it?” I asked with confusion. She silently stood up and wiped my cheek with her finger, bringing it close to her mouth and putting her finger inside, licking it…

 

“Wa…” Why? 

“I have to say, this ice cream is really good!” She was still smiling as if nothing happened, meanwhile, I blushed. Why was she doing so much for me? Why did she stay so friendly? Especially with my mom expecting her to take care of me when she died… Aren't I just nothing but a simple burden? I am literally bound to ruin her life and yet... why? 

 

As I bitterly ate my ice cream she finally stood up. 

 

“Ready to go?” 

“Yeah…” I still couldn’t get the question out of my head. 

 

◇ ◇ ◇ 

 

 

“Leah, it’s a photo booth!” She looked at me with excitement. “Want to go?” 

“Sure…” I didn’t want to, but just for her… anything. 

 

The booth looked silly and was full of pictures with funky glasses, animal ears, makeup, among other things. As soon as we got close we could see why. 

 

“Would you like to use accessories?” It was a young lady that held a cardboard box. She was wearing a color-coded uniform that went along the booth itself. Probably part of the same company, although it was awkward.

 

“Yes please!” As my sister entertained herself with that, I was kind of uncomfortable. The number of stares I was getting was insane…

 

Why were we in a shopping mall out of all things… Ah right, I simply said yes because she said she wanted me to see things. Well… I kind of regret that⁠— 

 

“Let's go!” Eh… She pushed me along with her in the booth and placed something on my head, she also placed something on hers' some type of tiara. Eh… cat ears?!

 

3…  Wait… Are those...

            2…        What are you doing?! Why is she hugging me so tightly?!

                       1…   “I love youuuu!” Ehhh?! Was she rubbing her cheek on my hair?!

 

FLASH!

 

“Wasn’t that fun?” What was that? My sister pocketed the photos and never showed them to me. She simply threw herself at me as soon as the photo was about to be taken… I am… confused, it was all so sudden… 

 

“Lily…” I had to know. 

“What?” She tilted her head. 

 

“What happened there.” 

“Hm? The photos?” 

“Yeah.” Please tell me…

 

“Nothing.” She just pretended as if nothing happened... Maybe nothing happened? Her expression didn’t even flinch! She simply turned pensive. Maybe it was just my imagination... as far as the photos go, well... they were for her. And if something did happen, I guess it wasn't so bad...

 

“Well, want to go anywhere specific?” Um…What? Ah, whatever...

“Anywhere you want to go.” Honestly. I didn’t care. 

 

◇ ◇ ◇ 

 

I got a glimpse of where we were going. Although I had no idea, I just knew we were going to the more uptown part of the city. But it had been so long since I was outside— the streets changed, the buildings changed… Since nothing was the same, I could barely recognize a general area, let alone specific streets. Albeit, even during that time, it wasn’t like I was outside much… Hospital this, injection that... Freedom was limited. 

 

Lily continued to push the wheelchair uphill. 

 

“Where are we going?”

“Ah, just you wait… It’s a surprise!”

 

I could see her sweat running down her forehead and yet she didn't stop smiling. Why would she go to such lengths for a surprise? 

What kind of surprise could be? Is it worth it for her to go to such lengths? This entire day was a surprise, I did not think anything would or could happen today. I prayed for her not to come and she still showed up. I tried to shove her away and she won… Was she having a good time with me? I didn’t believe it. But I felt oddly happy, somehow. It was a nice break of things, a new experience… and yet, she kept on trying for more...

 

Maybe things weren’t as bad as I thought they were.  

 

I used to be a lot more capable years back, but… well… things take unexpected turns at times. Perhaps it was fate or destiny, as some people would call it. Perhaps it really was that, and yet… I still couldn’t help but regret it… Not being able to do more for her… I… simply wished I could do more for her, seeing me deteriorate like that ⁠— slowly like poison... I couldn't do that to her. 

 

I had to distance her before the time came. 

 

“We are here.” 

“Eh…”

 

It was a playground, the games were rusty and one of the swings was missing. There was not much vegetation left; simply the eroded dirt and a single tree remained. 

The swings and the tree were next to each other, and they were still in much better condition in comparison to the nonexistent grass and eroded dirt. But why this place? There was a myriad of better playgrounds, why this one specifically? 

Lily wordlessly pushed me along with her and set me beneath the perching leaves and branches. She sat on the swing and looked at me. I was feeling uncomfortable.

 

“Leah… Do you remember this place?” She was looking at the ground. 

“No…” I was fearful to answer, but I felt like I had to. 

 

“Right… I figured…” She bit her lip. “Hey, do you remember... our promise? ”

“No…” I spoke a lot when I was a kid… too much… I was unreserved about how much I loved her as well… I probably said something. 

 

“Do you know why I chose neurosciences?” 

“No…” Why was I so useless… not being able to answer her questions…

 

“I thought so as well…” She lifted her face up, with tears running down her cheeks and directly looking at me with a soft, yet strong smile. 

 

“You said let’s be together, till the end of time! I thought you were strong. I admired you…” I... “Which is why I want to help you. I want to fix you! I want to live a life with you! And yet…” She bit her lip. “All you do is distance me away from you! All you seem to care about is to be left alone, is that what you want?! Do you hate me that much!? Do I make you that miserable?!” I had hurt my sister.  

 

“I…” What the hell was I even saying? This was my last chance... to fix things... “I… Lily, I love you!” I sighed. “I don’t know when it all started. I wanted you to be successful, I wanted to see you do well… I-I… Perhaps it was the wrong choice, I wanted to be your hero and yet… Look at me.” 

I clenched my fist. “Slowly degrading, not being able to walk anymore… Utterly useless… I… am simply bothering you ⁠— getting in your way. Often times I thought it’d be better if you hated me and yet…” I turned to her, she was crying with flushed cheeks. “Here we are…” 

 

“Leah… you… are not a bother! I… I wa⁠— I am… I am glad… That you care about me that much, so much worrying for nothing...” She wiped her cheeks and smiled.

Lily came closer to me and pointed me towards the horizon, the sun was setting. I felt a warm sensation running across my neck and shoulders. She was hugging me and leaning on me.

 

“I… always wanted to do this, but I was afraid… of hurting you…” 

I made a bitter smile. “Yeah… I figured as much… But,” There is no point in turning things sour… “we are here now, aren’t we?” I gripped her hand with a smile.

“Hmhm!” She continued hugging me for a few minutes, it felt like an eternity. 

 

“Hey Leah…”

“Hmm?”

“I love you…” 

“I love you too.” 

 

She continued to hug me as we watched the sunset on the horizon.

“Hey Leah…” 

“Hm?”

“Thank you… you are my hero.” 

 

?! “I-I⁠— Plomf.” The sweet taste of chocolate filled my mouth. 

“Sometimes, you are not supposed to answer. Sometimes you should watch the sunset instead of the sunrise...” 

 

My vision started to become blurry as I saw the sun disappear behind the horizon. 

Thank you, Lily. You’re the best sister I could ever ask for.