Once again, Atau had been forced to play the role of a diplomat. However, this time he felt much more comfortable with his responsibilities. This time, he didn't have to negotiate some fragile alliance between lords; and he didn't have to pick between any number of Villca heirs either. This time, the negotiations were about war, and he was here to intimidate people.
“Official Atau, what great fortune to meet once again.” Across from Atau sat Lord Vareo, who looked smug as he pretended politeness. What a great feeling it must have been for Port Ulta's ruler to lord it over the man who had slighted him in the past. Even more so now that he would feel safe. After all, they had met within the salon of Vareo's private mansion inside his own city; and while Atau had come alone, Vareo was backed by a host of guards and guests who stood at attention behind his seat.
“Yes, it sure has been a while, Lord Vareo.” Atau narrowed his eyes as he ignored the known and unknown faces meant to intimidate him. “You don't have the guts to meet with the representative of your king in even a neutral location, is that how it is? We had to meet in your own little town?”
“King Corcopaca might be a great military leader, but he is no great ruler. At the very least, he is not fit to be this lord's king and holds no power here.”
“What, you want to switch sides to the north just because one of those foreign mercenaries did something stupid on his own?”
Rather than angry, Atau looked sour at the lord's flat rejection of Corco's influence. When they had first arrived in the south, Mason had used cannons to force Vareo into giving them supplies for their journey across the country. The little solo adventure had caused them nothing but trouble since. As far as excuses to betray the southern kingdom for a more lucrative offer went, it was indeed a good one. However, to Atau's surprise, the lord didn't rely on Mason's attack to justify his actions.
“No need to shift blame onto a dead man, Official Atau. This lord has heard that the man you have made responsible for the incident has already received his just deserts. Though whether or not he truly was the one who launched the cowardly attack on this lord's estate remains uncleared, it matters little, as this lord is magnanimous. Such a minor incident would not force this lord to become disappointed with the southern kingdom. Starvation, however, would.”
So this is the angle he wants to play, huh?
“You're exaggerating.” Atau tried to play down the difficulties of Port Ulta during the war. Although he had come to pick a fight, he would feel much more comfortable if he could appear righteous.
“Sure, you didn't get to buy grain from Saniya for a bit, but we were already working hard to solve the problem at that point, and we told you as much. You only needed to be a bit more patient and your magnanimous king would have given you all the wheat and rice you needed.”
“And how was this lord supposed to know that Official's mission was to be a success?” Bemused, the lord raised his cup and drank some wine, time enough to order his thoughts. No matter what, he was a traitor by all rights. He needed good excuses if he wanted to avoid exclusion from the other lords in the future.
“For that matter, how was this lord to know that there was a mission in the first place? Could the entire search for new trade routes not have been an excuse to make the lords endure throughout the winter? All the people of Port Ulta knew for certain was the color of our grain silo's floor, and that the king's own greed and dealings with craftsmen had caused needless friction with the central kingdom. Thus, the lords of the center were not willing to sell us the grain we needed to live. When even our own king had denied us support even though he sold to others, what else were we to do than turn towards those who were still willing to supply us?”
Since he knew that their side was in the wrong, Atau was unwilling to discuss the point further. No matter what excuses he brought up, it was true: Corco had prioritized other regions over Port Ulta and sold their limited grain to areas he could exert some control over. However, that was still no excuse for Vareo to work with foreigners.
“Fine, Saniya won't hold this matter against you. Still, now that the grain of the southern kingdom is secured and the war is about to come to an end, Lord Vareo can once more swear his fealty to King Corcopaca. No one will judge you, and you will be treated like all the other lords within the kingdom. We will just forget about the entire incident. All you will have to do in return is to hand over Epunamo Villca.”
Again, Atau looked at all the faces standing behind the lord. Unfortunately, he didn't find the face he was looking for, the oldest Villca heir who had hidden inside the besieged Cashan all these months and had since escaped.
“This lord has never sworn his fealty to King Corcopaca, so there is no reason to do so 'once more'.” Vareo laughed and sipped some more wine. The longer their conversation lasted, the more comfortable he seemed to be in his role as a rebel. “Further, this lord does not know Lord Villca's location.”
Even calling him Lord Villca as if he's already the master of Cashan, huh? Looks like there is no point in playing nice anymore.
“You know,your two friends also never swore fealty before. Those great lords also thought they could escape the influence of the southern kingdom and stab us in the back at the crucial moment of the war. But once Corco won his battle with Pacha and came back south to hand them their reckoning, they got smart pretty quick. By the time I reached their fancy mansions with my offer, they had already changed their tune and buried me in treasures and excuses. Do you want to do the same, or do you want to see the southern army at your doorstep before you are convinced?”
At this point, Atau really had no interest in any more nonsense. Before Corco had to release the warriors of the southern estates and thus dismiss the southern army, at least they could still have some fun with it and make up for previous mistakes. However, Vareo only laughed in the face of the threat, his languid body sprawled over his lounge chair.
“Unlike my former allies, this lord does not fear death and would rather fight than live under control of a tyrant with no sense of justice.” Atau wanted to explode at the self-important attitude already, but Vareo raised his hand just before the captain was about to jump up. “Before Official offers any more empty threats to Port Ulta: The Port is not weak like the other estates in the east. We are one of the great estates of the south, no less than Cashan, and do not fear your armies. Not to mention, we have made some valuable friends in our search for grain, and this lord is convinced they will support us in times of need, even in the face of an unjust invasion.”
For the first time since he had sat down, Atau looked out of the large, east-facing windows of the salon, towards the Arcavian ships moored in the distant harbor. Just the number of vessels here was comparable to Atau's fleet on the east coast, and from experience he knew that their cannons were even more potent than his own. Worse yet, there were many more ships like these across the Weltalic Sea, ready to get involved should a real war ever break out. Meanwhile, Atau had no way to get any more reinforcements. Although their new shipyard would soon produce its first galleons, it was built on the wrong side of the Isles and would only ever release ships into the western sea.
At last, the view of the distant fleet made Atau understand an uncomfortable truth: Whether or not Lord Vareo really was willing to work with his new masters from Arcavia, he didn't have much of a choice either way. Not with all those cannons aimed right at his head at all times. His position was different from the other lords, whose estates were situated inland. With these ships, the Arcavians had complete control over the Port, and Atau doubted they would just leave if Vareo asked them nicely.
After some strategic talks with Corco and Fadelio, he understood quite well what the Arcavians had tried to achieve with their surprise attack on Cashan. If they controlled Port Ulta and the two estates to its west, they would only need Cashan to control a complete strip of land leading from the Weltalic Sea all the way to the Narrow Sea, and eventually into the Verduic Sea and Chutwa. All this time, the Arcavians had tried to establish their own trade route to the distant west, and here was the chance to establish one they could control themselves. Better yet, it was the shortest possible land route across Yakuallpa.
This far south, even the Sallqata Mountains were much lower in altitude and thus much easier to cross. After they used the grain sales to gain control of the three crucial estates during the war, all the Arcavians had to do in order to complete their trade route was to win Cashan. Why else would they have taken Epunamo, the nominal heir to the dead Lord Villca's seat, as well as his mother and entourage?
However, Corco's swift victory had ruined their entire plans, By now, two of the three lords allied to the Arcavians had already switched sides again. Backed by their seaborne cannons, they could only hold onto Port Ulta, the final bridgehead they had managed to create within Medala.
As such, Atau understood that Vareo, just like Epunamo, was little more than a puppet for them. The important people were standing behind him, quite literally. Again Atau looked past his negotiation partner's seat, where he found two old-familiar faces stand among the crowd of observers. Unlike all the guards and servants, they didn't look in awe of the local lord whose guests they played.
“Devaerter, Margrave Hakon of Padrava. Long time no see.” Both of them were old acquaintances of Corco's group. Back during their time in Arcavia, Margrave Hakon had helped them fleece Duke Herak before they left for Medala. Their relationship with Devaerter was even closer. During their days as the Fastgrade Merchants, they had been allies with the merchant from Etra for years and had shared both hardship and profits.
Thus, while Hakon only had a dry “Captain Atau, what a fortunate meeting,” to offer, Devaerter looked much more uncomfortable. Only for a second though, until the merchant hid his weakness and played friends.
“Captain Atau, I would never have expected that we would find ourselves on opposite sides of the table. How truly regrettable. I hope this will not reflect poorly on our future relations.”
“Yeah, truly regrettable,” Atau sneered. He wasn't dumb enough to believe the merchant had no idea he would be going up against his old allies when he had taken on the job as the official merchant of the Arcavian expedition. “You remember the last time Herak tried to go up against Corco, don't you? You remember that showdown during the auction? That was Corco without an army, and we still crippled him so bad he had to travel half the world to redeem himself. You really think you will fare better this time, now that we are backed by an entire country?”
Like a true merchant, Devaerter smiled through the threats and pretended to be troubled.
“Captain, I really did not have much of a choice. Since both sides could not decide on a merchant to oversee the economic operations in the far west from within their ranks, the two kingdoms needed a neutral merchant of high repute instead. As the richest merchant in the entire south-west and a native of Etra, I was the most obvious choice for them. However, please believe me that it was never my intention to stand against Master Corco. With the power of Cahlia and Borna behind them, I had no choice but to take their offer. Really, what could a single merchant do when pressured by the two great kingdoms?”
“Yeah, sounds like you had a hard time. Though I guess the pay isn't bad.” Atau smiled at his old friend and grasped the giant mace he had picked up on one of Devaerter's ships back in the day.
“If nothing else, I should at least be compensated for my troubles, should I not?” Even now, the merchant still held that unreadable smile.
“You've always been too greedy for your own good, even back then. I'll give you some friendly advice, for old time's sake: Don't think we are pushovers just because we were nice to you when we were allies. You best crawl back to Etra as soon as you can, because you sure as death don't want to meet us as enemies.”
With a heavy thud, the mace landed on the table between Atau and Vareo and smashed apart the plates of dried fruit. While almost everyone in the room jumped in shock, the merchant, lord and margrave remained calm. It was obvious they considered themselves untouchable.
“I will keep the warning in mind,” Devaerter answered with a smile that implied he wouldn't. By now, Atau understood that neither offers nor threats would lead anywhere. No matter what, the Arcavians were determined to cling onto Port Ulta, and Vareo was determined to help them.
What a waste of time, he thought as he stood up and shouldered his mace.
“Treasure your time in your little port town,” Atau said to the three as he turned to leave, “it won't be around much longer.”
Hermit's Notes: I guess this might end up serving as the epilogue to book 4, maybe. It wraps things up better and leaves fewer open questions while retaining tension. The two 'new' characters are from Book 1 by the way. I make special reference to the auction towards the end of that book.
Yay! Internal development!... Or not. And here I was hoping to hear about an epic upgrade in domestic matters...
Nice chapter, looking forward to how things play out.
You'll get domestic upgrades all throughout book 5, so look forward to that.
Hi there SociableHermit.
First of all, thank you for 206 chapters, 4 books of story. And congratulations on writing so much and for so long, despite all the things that life brings - I salute you, author, on your journey.
Few points for you - feel free to take them or discard them... or take them and then discard them. :-) I honestly won't mind.
If I were to rate your novel, it would be 6/10. That's NPS and it means I'm a detractor. If a friend would ask, I would not recommend.
To keep (this is what earned you 6, and not for instance, a 3).
1. Incredible amount of work that you put into this so far. I can't NOT respect that.
2. The world that you created. Medala's fresh. There are Mayan/Aztecian/Olmecian/Incan (I know too little to be more precise here) influences mixed in with a bit of Oriental Asia (honor and castes and this lord / this mortal) and with your own flair. Other places, like Verdant Isles (as little as we saw of them) and Chutwa-China are also interesting, Medala though is most (and best) fleshed out. Effective and rare, so fresh. Well done, you!
3. You took rather boring and anti-story tropes like reincarnation or cultivation and made them bearable. Also, you don't explain the magic which is good. Don't.
4. Setting up the conflict so far. Be it the one in Arcavia, with duke Herak, or the succession politics and Viribus or the split of Medala into Triumvirate. Gives plenty of angles to the story and allows to weave many threads. That's nifty.
5. Inventions, or rather re-inventions. There are several that were nicely introduced and used. There are couple aspects to each of the points I'm making, so obviously to this one as well. Let's take the recent invention: the purple dye. The fact that alchemist doesn't get it at first and how it allows Corco to explain things was really well done. The fact how you keep mentioning it now and then, how it impresses the Chutwa who are so condescending and self-absorbed, etc. etc. Really, well done. But also something like a one-shot pistols with extra power, done in book 1 by Elgidius - these were a nice touch too, though for other reasons. You used them to further the plot and show-off your characters. We see how master Elgidius is unhappy - he's a perfectionist and a proud master craftsman. We see how Dedrick highlights his solitary nature by NOT accepting the pistol (which later allows Corco to have one more card in his sleeve). And we learn about problems with this gunpowder-heavy barrel. Another example would be the spyglasses and how they helped with naval affairs or warfare. You have plenty of research backing you here and you choose the breakthroughs carefully and deliberately. You weave them into the story and use them every now and then, inoffensively, steadily, regularly. Rest assured, you have tackled this aspect of modernizing world much better than your contemporaries, including Release that witch. And you made it a more interesting read than many.
6. The occasional change of pace. Like with the priestly lord who worried about his next steps. It was an interesting chapter (and I thank you for your choice of music there, I didn't know of it before <bows>). You have introduced the Pacha faith in greater details, the pilgrimages, the solstice oracles, foreshadowed the problems with Emperor's last journey and allowed the MC a moment of respite and clarity. Good writing. Another piece was when Fadelio is visiting his family while Corco learns of his father's troubles. The switches of perspective you did there were timely and well executed.
I hope that by now it's clear how much work you put in your novel and what are the strenghts. You deserve praises for that work SociableHermit. You truly do.
If you would like to ask me what IMO the novel should have to be a 10, here goes: characters and railroading. TBH, there's more, like better passages between scenes or themes but these two gripes are by far the main two.
In your introduction you said that kingdom building suffers from weak characters. I do agree. Unfortunately, I can't say characters here help. You did well with giving them SOME traits. Tama is secretive, mistrustful and reserved and on the pretty side. Atau likes seafaring and has a large build. Corco is a humanitarian and prefers bluntness to subtlety. Bryn is portly and learns fast. That's not bad at all... but years ago, my friend used a system like that to quickly randomize NPCs in our WFRP plays: one mental trait, one physical trait and current mood. He did that to NOT have to think about useless, throw-away, random characters.
Now it needs to be said, that obviously what you have so far, works to some extent. It also gives you certain freedom - a character may do things your story requires to happen (ties with railroading).
But these ain't characters I care about. If Brym were to die, I'd easily accept it. Heck, I wouldn't even expect others to brood over it much. If Atau were to not return from a sea voyage that would be kinda all right - many sailors didn't. Dedrick dying to an illness? Sure. He fell from the wall? OK. Was offed between the chapters and we learn of it as a mention two books later? I'm fine with it. Heck, I don't think I particularly care about anyone in the book. That's rare, but I can (and am going to) put off reading because of how I don't care about anybody.
Pacha is worth more then they are, because Pacha pushes the story through his experiences in it, because he changes (let's put the execution of those changes aside for a moment here).
Corco is a plot device more than he is a character. As a MC, he will live and express the story through his actions etc.
Sumaci exists to tease us with a romance plot and annoy us and Corco with her "look at me" attitude. Heck, even Corco's sister and her Chutwan-bred high-noble husband have more personality than Sumaci.
If we look at the problem closer, it's in the writing. Dialogues and descriptions. Consider:
“I will keep the warning in mind,” Devaerter answered with a smile that implied he wouldn't. By now, Atau understood that neither offers nor threats would lead anywhere. No matter what, the Arcavians were determined to cling onto Port Ulta, and Vareo was determined to help them.
Vs:
- I will keep the warning in mind - answered Devaerter smoothly, too smoothly. His voice never wavered nor did it crack. Atau didn't need their long years of acquaintance to tell that merchant not only didn't take his threats seriously, he considered them empty and himself only saying them as a minor villain would - to save his face. This got the warrior turned sea-farer turned diplomat worried. In his three professions he met many stupid people, who wouldn't recognize a threat or would disregard it due to their ignorance. But Devaerter wasn't a fool. He liked to posed as one, but wasn't one. Furthermore, Devaerter was a merchant and a former ally, who witnessed both their revival of the name Fastgrade as well as his, Atau's sea-faring career - heck, the man himself helped fostering it! He knew who he was going against. He knew Atau didn't make empty threats. Was he blinded by greed so much? Was he forced to disregard things? Was it again the death of captain Robert? No, that thought sea-farer eliminated as soon as he had it. Crossing the sea for it? Unthinkable. Yet here was Devaerter, head of Merchant's Union of Etra, chosen - as he himself claimed - by two nations, assuring that he will heed the warning with an insincere smile that implied he wouldn't. By now, Atau had verified that neither offers nor threats would lead anywhere. No matter what, the Arcavians were determined to cling onto Port Ulta, and Vareo was determined to help them.
Characters need to think, reason, react, smile. Corco was supposed to read expressions and introducing cold reading back then helped with some exchanges, but often, when I read how people talk here, I am turned off.
Which may well be due to railroading. You have a plan for the story - which is not just good, it's necessary and crucial. But as I read the book I frequently spotted things that were sacrificed for that plan. Few examples:
We need to end the war, so Pacha won't chase Corco. He won't, even though he has an entire army of cultivators, even though the grin infuriated him, even though he has just rushed to battle to fight Corco, even though he dismantled the defenses of Corco's army, even though he started the war to get rid of a humiliation, even though he recently tossed his pride and asked his uncle for reinforcements, even though he HAD his enemy IN HIS REACH.
But he won't, because the story needs it.
Atau is a diplomat, who travelled the entire south, talking with various lords from Corco's domain... what am I saying, the entire world. Or at least half of it's ports and oceans. And he visits the port town to demand Vareo's surrender and DURING the negotiations he realizes that a large fleet stations there? And is able to threaten Vareo into submission? He clearly was blindsided, despite:
1. having a problem in his first trip due to Mason using fleet's cannons to extort Vareo
2. being an experienced sailor
3. being an experienced diplomat
4. coming here prepared (he did come prepared, right? he's a diplomat, he should know the situation to do negotiations...)
Or the story needed it.
Fadelio is the most intelligent person in the novel, able to fool everyone, able to right the course even of Corco himself, despite himself. He engineers the split, engineers the death of Villca, gets more out of Chaupic than everybody else in the novel (except for Viribus) and even back in Arcavia he clears out Reverer spies easily along with their allied bornish scouts in a trap of his own making. A cunning schemer.
King Pacha wouldn't be unreasonable to track down our little convoy with the craftsmen. They are free people.
What? He does that? OMG! So unexpected! What do we do?
Clearly, the shock was great enough to rob him of his cunning for next several chapters, where even a trivial papermaker kept troubling him. A person who was able to devise a trap for both Reverer's rats and bornish scouts (having few days or less, due to urgency), was unable to come up for preventative measures against craftsmen dissatisfaction and Rimaq's being their leader.
But there's a simple reason for it: the story needed it. To 'increase the odds'.
I'm certain you could offer a defense, or a rebuttal. I could, in turn, offer counter-rebuttal, etc. But examples are just to illustrate the point. The point is that story's - or perhaps plot's - needs trump character's agenda or consistency. This propels the plot forward as - and where - you want it so it's not all bad. But the novel becomes rushed and some things happen out of thin air, just for the sake of plot advancement.
Welp, there you go. I wanted you to read something longer for a change than 'thanks chappy' or 'great chapter' or 'where's the chapter'. :-) Of course, it's all subjective. Take what you want, discard what you want and most importantly - thank you and good luck.
Wow, this was a nice wrap up. After the wars almost blue balled conclusion, (nice touch btw) this nicely frames the next major arc. Great chapter.
Mwahahahaha! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ML86JjEyKiA