24th May, 2025

What am I doing here?

What am I doing in a cafe?

I was waiting by the school's front gate for Siberite to come after she finishes her work, then what am I doing here?

There's also Jinny here with me. So, it has to do with her

Ah. Remembered. She pulled me from the gate to here, wanting to talk about something. But what does she want to talk about? I didn't say anything for her interest to pique but what am I getting so full of myself for? What if the topic of the talk is her and not me?

"Jiiii" She's staring at me with very intense eyes.

is the talk really about me then?

"Jiiiiiiiiiii" but I could be just getting conceited

So should I start talking? but it feels strange to break this atmosphere. Her staring is quite interesting but what is interesting about it? Why am I finding this staring competition interesting?

"JJJJJJJJJJiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!"

Ok, enough of this bullshit

"Jinny, what is it?"

"hmmm, I w.o.n.d.e.r    what. it. is. what could it be? what coul—BITCH! you have feelings for your sister!!"

Oh, it seems like I have told her about this. But when did I?

So it was today at school, huh. But she's misunderstanding something very vital

"I don't know what you are getting so mad for? it's only natural to have feelings for your sister of the same age" there's nothing wrong with it, everyone has them. I'm sure Siberite also has these feelings for me, after all, it's only natural.

Ouch, Ouch, you are holding my hand too tightly Jinny. Also, that vein doesn't look good on your forehead.

"Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about"

No one's playing dumb here

"I don't know what you are talking about"

Eto, your nails are digging into my flesh.

"..."

"..."

say something

"You want to fuck your sister?"

"*PPPhhhhhuuuuuu* *cough* *cough* N-N-No I-I-I *cough* D-do-don't" that was an unexpected play from her part but at least the coke streamed out of my mouth landed on her face and school uniform. So, at least I won something

"Just Disgusting" she says while wiping the drips of coke from her face which is filled with a smirk from having won.

That smirk is somewhat irritating.

Also, my hand is now starting to hurt because of the nail she dug before.

She aggressively sighs a breath of victory and straightens her sitting posture, her hands joined in front, it makes me feel like I'm going to get interviewed.

"So! Miss S.I.L.I.C.A    when did it start?" you don't have to say my name like that.

But I guess there is no running away from this now. I really want to feed my past self to rats for spilling important information like this by getting overcome with emotions. Really, being emotional brings forth no good but at least I don't show these emotions on my face. Also what is done is not going to revert back. So, better just get on with it

"I don't know"

"..."

"..."

"What?...I think I misheard"

"I don't know"

"What do you mean you don't know!!!!???? You can't forget something so important!!!"

Now, now, there is no need for getting so upset about it.

"I can't remember"

"haaaaahhhhh, you really are hopeless. What would you do without me"

"Sleeping in my room"

ah! another vein popped

"Not funny. So you don't know when it started. That's alright, it's alright, so! are you really, really, reallllyyyy!! sure this is that type of love?"

"I don't know" even I'm confused about it.

No, I am not, I just don't wanna face it.

Shut up.

"What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know" 

I wanna kiss her right? the way my heart beats when seeing that slender neck.

No, it doesn't, that's just attraction, puberty at work here.

"What the hell!!*Thump* Then what do you know???!!!!!" ok, now, you don't have to punch the poor table

"I don't know"

I know everything.

No, I don't.

"WHA-?!! yo-you, ok, ok, calm down Jinny, just fucking calm down, Fuuuuu...haaaahhhhh, Fuuuuu.Hahhhhh. Alright, let's start simple"

The veins are starting to disappear

"Do-you wanna, you know, that, kiss her?"

"No"

Yes

"Do you feel jealous when seeing her with others?"

"Never"

Every time

"Stop lying"

"huh? what?" how did she know?

"Your face is burning red, I can even see the literal steam coming out of your head"

Fuck

"So, why are your trying to hide it from me?"

"I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. That something, I don't know"

I know that something, I just don't wanna ruin the pure image I have of Siberite. Also, make Jinny, dislike me. I don't wanna ruin her life like mine, I don't wanna add to her burdens by getting her involved in this. But at the same time, I just wanna mess Siberite up so badly, my desires, my wishes, my heart, my brain, they are just all over the place and not one of them coincides.

No, I'm wrong. Just even thinking about stuff like this is wrong

Why?

Because...

because it's just wrong.

I don't care about ruining my parent's reputation, then why should I care about something like this?

because.. I

"Hmm, it's more complicated than I thought. Sorry, If I went a little overboard, clearly you are thinking a lot about this"

Now, she shows her sweet side. But, what was I thinking just now? Hmm, probably nothing serious.

"You don't have to be with me now that you know how dirty I am" like anyone would feel disgusted having a friend like me, I mean even I feel disgusted towards myself for thinking about atrocious stuff like this.

"What did you say?"

huh? several veins have bulged on her head. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, stop twisting my arm, your smile is very scary right now

"I mean normally you would, don't you?"

"Bitch, then who's going to be my partner in crime as I taste every little pleasure this world has to provide?"

"Who?"

"What do you mean, 'Who?'. You!"

"I see" so I have keep her company for a very long time, that's a tough task

"and in the future, my child and probably your adopted child are going to marry each other. We made a promise"

did we? I seem to have forgotten like everything else

"But they can't marry if both are girls" lesbian marriage is not allowed in this world.

"Fucker! read the feeling!! not the words!!! and that nonchalant, emotionless way you talk, really ruins the moment"

Jinny.....

"You really are an idiot"

"Huh!? what did you say you Siscon!!!"

"Nothing" being with me even after this.

I should lock her away

Yes, that would be perfe—bad! bad! that would be bad! I didn't think that I didn't, I didn't

I didn't.

Pizza! yeah, Pizza, should eat it before it gets cold

...........

.......

...

Hahhhh, this house still looks the same. Just like a devil's den. The same door, the same garden, the same cars, the same fountain, the same brick pathway, the same gardener, the same everything. Nothing's changed, when will it change? probably never

This suffocating atmosphere and poisonous air will remain the same, enveloping everyone who dares to live here. Do I have enough strength to cure this? I don't think so

Do I have enough courage to save Siberite from this place? probably no, but I have to try.

"Good evening Miss Silica, you are late today"

this gardener with his fake smile, fake face, face expressions, fave voice, and disgusting hand grinding. Trying to act weak and submissive in front of the family but I know his truth. This filthy old man

But I also have to play this game by my way, I can't allow myself to follow their rules

Let's ignore him and walk past him.

don't give me that confused and sad look you filthy old man, you can't act forever like this, someday that mask is going to break away. You are probably laughing at me from inside, mocking me, but in the end, I will be the one to laugh and in the open too.

Stop giving me those sad looks, how much do you have to act? isn't this enough?

How can you make such a genuine expression? how can you act so well?

Because he isn't acting

No, wrong. I'm wrong, this is acting, this is definitely acting, no one can remain pure within this house, he's just tricking my mind, he's trying to mess with my brain, he just wants to hurt me.

Only Siberite and Jinny have a genuine care for me, everyone else is just a fake

Someday that mask will definitely crumble away, just you watch

Good, I walked past him.

He's probably making a face full of contempt right now

No, he isn't

Shut up!! he is!

ah! I'm already standing in front of the entry door. I have to open it, I have to

*Creak*

Even the insides are the same, same chandelier hanging from the ceiling, same carpets, same marble floor, the same maid cleaning the floor.

Where are they? where are the masters of this house? They haven't done anything to Siberite, right?

I can hear their voice, though faintly. It's coming from the dining room.

"Silica, what time is it?" the father spoke, that mustache looks hideous on you.

How can I think like that?

"8:30 PM" but I have to answer

"Is this any time to come home? You are an unfilial child but we still pay for your needs and now you have even started coming home this late?"

I must not apologize, I shouldn't apologize, "Sorry"

why did I apologize! my mouth just moved on its own. Why do I still fear them? I thought I got over it.

"It's fine, don't come home so late from now on. Come, eat"

Then I will come home late tomorrow also, don't think you can control me forever.

Where's Siberite? Ah! there she is. She's looking at me. She's looking into my eyes with that innocent and guilty face of hers. She's probably thinking it's her fault that father gets mad at me, I don't want her to have this way of thinking but she just doesn't listen.

But she's looking so beautiful today as well, she's looking so wonderful even though it's night time. This dark purple hair, she must have bathed recently, the strands of thair hair sticking erotically to her neck, going all the way down to her waist, these adorable arms

*Dhuk, Dhuk**Dhuk, Dhuk*Dhuk, Dhuk*

just looking at her is making my heart go crazy, I just wanna rip her clothes apart right here, right now. I want to eat her instead of this food

and finally show these two that their precious daughter is not pure

No! No! I don't wanna mess her up to show these two, my feelings for her has nothing to do with them, they are completely unrelated to this. They have nothing to do with this. They have nothing to do with my feelings for her.

But there faces seeing their treasured daughter getting corrupted because of the daughter they despise

That would be wonderfu—Stop! Stop thinking! Stop thinking!

Brain shut up! shut up! shut up!

I just wanna use her to get back to these two

No! wrong, wrong, wrong. No thinking, No thinking, No thinking

I don't love her, I just confuse hate with love

Stop it!!!!

*DUMMMM*!!!

"eeeeepppppp!"  "Aghhhhhh" "huh!?"

*Crash* *Crash*

The plate fell down, they broke, why did I hit the dining table?

"Silica! Just how much are you going to sink down!! Do you know how expensive these plates are!! Why can't you be like your Sister?? She's properly eating her food right?!! How can you be so different!! Is it that hard to be like your Sister"

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Every fucking time just

Siberite, Siberite, Siberite!!!

Siberite can go fuck herse—

ah! what am I thinking? what am I thinking? I need to get away from here, I need to go back to my room, this place is messing with my mind, these are messing my thoughts.

I love Siberite, I love Siberite, I love Siberite

My heart beats for her because of love

it's love, it's love, it's love

Room, room, my room, I need to go there

"Oi! Silica, come back here! Where are you running off too??"

My room, my room, my room.

...

Ahhhh, finally some peace

I need to forget about earlier

I'm right. I need to wipe that from my memory, I thought of some weird things, I can't think about them, I need to forget, I need to forget

Web, I need to browse the internet, I need to forget, I need to forget

Elizabeth, Elizabeth, Elizabeth Bathory

Ah! here she is. Really, what a charming person. She's so interesting, so cool, they ways she tortured those girls, I wonder how she felt? What tools did she use

I wonder what are some interesting tools. hmm, this is Pear of anguish. This looks very interesting, the shape and everything, hmm? it's also called choke pear. It's used to prevent people from speaking, interesting. It also appears to be one of the lost arts. I wonder where I can get something like this or more likely whom can I ask to make something like this?

huh? why did I start seeing these messed up things? I don't...remember.

meh, probably nothing special

but looking at these sort of things, kinda make me feel strong and peaceful

It seems like you place the front of this thing inside someone's mouth and turns the key, the small spikes inside the front pear-shaped thing then burst out and pierce the mouth from inside...very fascinating.

Maybe one day I will be able to talk to Siberite about things like this

mmm, just thinking about her is making my heart beat so violently.

This love is proving very hard for me.

But I need to take action, just helplessly thinking about her won't do anything. I also need to talk to her.

She looked somewhat troubled at school, also those two yelled at her during dinner downstairs. She's probably feeling down, maybe this is the chance I have been waiting for.

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