Have you ever stood with nothing but pride holding you up? Breath only because of your inherent stubbornness? Fight solely due to the thought of dying without one pissing you off more than the fear of pain?
I did not know how powerful a motivation pettiness could be until today.
It’s a shame I will soon die. I could have used my pettiness to further myself now that I knew how to wield it… So much I could have done.
There’s so much blood.
Damn…
It’s less painful than I’d thought it’d be… It’s numb. Everything's spinning.
That annoying ringing noise is fading… but so is everything else.
I barely felt the thud as I hit the ground…
The pavement was like sandpaper against my cheek.
Dammit, I want to face the sky, not the road…
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit…
...
Ah…
I went cold.
…
I went blind…
…
I went deaf.
…
I went...
…
Really… A darn shame…
…
… Dammit.
…
...
...
I am proud of my pettiness, my stubbornness, my pride. It got me killed, yes, but I think the alternatives in that situation were fates worse than death. I do not think I would be able to live with the guilt of killing a child for another’s amusement.
In order to preserve ourselves, us humans would go a long way, but that was a line I was unwilling to cross.
Thus I lashed out.
Spectacularly.
My rebellion was short lived, but intense, or at least I believe it was. I only wish the child and that other woman who was cradling her had the sense to flee while I was under the red haze.
I do not know how successful said action would have been, but at least they could try.
… That situation was quite hopeless though...
It’s a cruel world.
What comes after is also quite strange it would seem. I did not think the otherworld would allow such… coherent thought. Nor did I expect to find myself so alone either.
As an art college student, repetitive existential crises are par for the course… well, that and gender-identity issues, discovering sexual preferences, pondering religion, and regretting all the cringe one committed during secondary school, but mainly it was existential crises and thoughts of death.
I had a rather clear picture of it actually, death that is.
I expected to be stripped of my ego, all that makes me me, in a great, crushing void and simply pass on as a soul, pure and unblemished. I believe in the cycle of reincarnation, in Samsara, in karma.
I did not expect self-reflection.
… Or maybe this is the great void? I can’t really tell, no body nor eyes, and I can’t sense anything, so heck, maybe this is the void?
Am I, my ego, to be ground to dust in the passage of time? Am I to destroy myself perhaps? Am I to seek to wipe myself clean out of sheer madness after trillions upon trillions of years in an empty, solitary, torturous existence of non-feeling?
That’s a rather terrifying thought.
My mind can get quite emo when left alone for extended periods of time.
I’ve already died… but I don’t want to die.
Wait, why am I immediately jumping to the conclusion I’ve died? I could be in a coma? Weren't there reports from those who woke up saying they were fully conscious throughout their.. “term”.
Well that’s not too bad. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and I can tell everyone what a lovely time I had in lala land. Maybe thank some god or something. Y'know, say something nice, give the people something to believe in.
Even though I’m a pretty staunch atheist.
… Well that’s not entirely true, I rather like Buddhism, but that’s not the point.
… What is the point?
How long have I been here?
Who am I- nope, not going there.
Aii~ Guess I’ll just float around or someth- squeeze.
Huh? Squeeze. Oro, oro? Squeeze. Aya, aya? Squeeze. Am I-? Squeeze. Huh, I am- Squeeze.
Oh, would you look at that, I’m being crushed by the great void.
Aiyaa~
Honestly, I’ve resigned myself.
I’ve died, I don’t want to die again, but I guess… there’s nothing I can do about it huh?
What a shame. Really… what a gosh darn shame.
Then the floor disappeared.
*Pop*
And that’s how I was reborn.
...
AN: Can you call this character development? Maybe? A bit? Well, whatever. MC can get pretty serious if you get him into a cornered rat mentality, but I think anyone can get pretty if you get them into a cornered rat mentality.
Point is, MC knows how to bite back when pushed too far.
This experience will serve him well in this new world.
