Denial: refusal to recognize or acknowledge one's immortal existence or reality.
A vampire who is said to be in 'denial' is one who's human heart still cries out for mortality. He who wishes for eternal solace has never tasted the blood of their maker. They reach a point in life when they cannot continue to dwell.
– Book of the Elders, Page CXXII
***
Denial. There was something strange and conflicting about that word. I'd known it true for many decades, though at first I didn't know exactly what it meant.
This was my life... a vampire's. Though, not the greatest as it seemed to be from the movies. Those picture shows never showed this side of it—from the eyes of a half-vampire who'd never known their maker.
There were nights I'd sit and wonder about my eternal being, wishing for something more than just the endless cycle of death which surrounded me. Who was my creator? No, what exactly happened that night my mortal self died?
Those memories dare not flash before my eyes simply because I'd lost them when I awoke with this gift.
I often found myself alone in my apartment, staring out the window to the street. I'd watch as hordes of people drifted in and out of local businesses like wandering zombies. Was I like that in my mortal life?Nothing but a single name and number in the throng?
Other nights I wandered out alone and searched for nourishment. I did need to feed after all though I still felt a stabbing sensation in my still beating heart each time I did so. In a way, I guess I grew scared of death although I was simply quite used to it already. And though I never shed a tear for those who crossed my path anymore,there was always a relentless sense of terror each time I drained them of their life. This was my denial, the strange and conflicting state I'd come to know so well.
All was well and the same until one day when I came home after such an outing.
***
I stepped up into the hallway leading to my efficiency apartment,licking the flavor of blood off my lips. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary until I grew closer to my door. A strange sense, like there was someone else there. Someone waiting quietly for me.
Another vampire, no doubt.
When I opened my door, I found him laying poised on the bed as if he lived there. His skin was pale—unlike mine as I considered myself still part-human, there remained color in my cheeks—and his hair a silvery white just like his large eyes. He wore a long, white trench coat and long, black boots that went over his jean cuffs up to his calves. At least, he had style.
"Get out!" I huffed, not used to being invaded by strangers.
The creature smiled. "Mikael Krauss, a lovely evening, is it not?"
"To you," I answered, not caring how he knew my name and my home."Now, get out!"
He sat unmoving. Instead, I was shocked by how dominant and beautiful this vampire was. If there were such a thing who could possess the perfect display of elegance, this being would be absolutely wealthy in power.
I swallowed my fervor down. Should he be able to read my mind like some vampire's could, he'd certainly know my passions.
"Don't be so rude, Mikael. I've come to offer you a present."
"First, your name?" I wondered as I crossed my arms.
"A name is worthless. I am your vampire of light, Mikael,"he drawled as he sat back on the bed. "I am here to help you with your conflict and bring you immortal freedom."
"My d-denial." I shuttered. "I'm not sure if there is help for me now."
The vampire sighed and then with another smile said, "Of course there is. You have been living with denial for much too long."
I stood there negotiating the thought in my head. If there was more to this life...."Then, tell me how."
The vampire rolled off the bed and stood near the wall.
"First, come," he said, "and take my hand."
I strode across to where he stood and with little hesitation, I grasped his hand. He pulled me close and embraced me from behind.
"Create with me a blood bond," he whispered huskily. "Let me drink from you and you will be in my possession."
A blood bond?
I had never heard of such a connection between two vampire's yet my curiosity ran away with me. I closed my eyes and he held me closer until I felt the piercing touch of his fangs slowly sink into my neck. He hadn't given me the chance to answer when I felt my own blood soak into my shirt sleeve and run down my chest.
I soon felt as if all the fears I had before were escaping from my mind. The depression, the contradiction, everything was disappearing as he indulged himself. The pain seeped out from my body... perhaps it was something so simple as sucking it straight from my core. Maybe he'd taken all the pain for himself...
From that moment on, he stayed with me every day in that damp, dark apartment. Eventually, it struck me that I had not even gotten his name when I asked before, but for an odd reason, I didn't care.Possibly it was the mysterious atmosphere which surrounded us. He never told me a thing about himself, hence the way it was supposed to be.
In fact, he never told me anything.
However, every night he would disappear for hours and leave me alone in the room. I stayed there waiting for him despite my growing hunger, but never questioned him when he came back.
One night after an outing, he brought back a woman from the tavern downstairs.
"I brought you a present," he said as he brought her inside. She reeked of alcohol but I only wanted one thing—to feed.
He remained quiet while I ran my fingers across her soft neck. She was beautiful; I'd give him that. He certainly knew how to seduce fine prey. I could pick up gorgeous women, but not often enough. If only I hadn't grown so uncomfortable with my hunger tonight, I could play with her longer.
I leaned in and pierced her neck with my fangs.
After my feeding, I stared at the woman as she lay limp on the bed.
I turned my attention to him as he lay peacefully relaxed on the bed beside me and the dead woman. Is this his lesson? I asked myself. If this is all there is then nothing has changed.
I walked over to the window and sat down on the chair to ponder as I had many times before. I needed a cigarette, something I hadn't done since first becoming a vampire, and reached for my pack atop the dresser.
One puff... I blew out the smoke slowly, letting it ease from my lungs.
"Those things will kill you, my friend."
"What does it matter as I'm already dead?"
I put out the cigarette and stood up. Should he see my distress, he'd criticize me even more, so I flipped the chair around to face away from the window and tried to smile. Rolling off the bed, he approached from behind, placing his arms around my shoulders like something of a hug.
Maybe he still saw the concern in my face?
I stared at the floor, when suddenly the blankets rustled.
"You didn't kill her?" he whispered.
It was true. The woman who should have been dead was now propped upon the bed like a cat with a grin on her face. She bounced up and down on the bed making the springs squeak. "What are your names?"
Names? It dawned on me.
"Lucious," he said quickly and quietly.
I paused, struggling to make sure I'd heard it right.
"Mikael," I said.
"Well, Lucious and Mikael, what do we do next?"
Lucious quickly pounced on the bed and grasped the woman around her neck.
"We need to kill her before the transformation begins."
"Do as you please," I said relighting the cigarette I had before.
Did I just give him permission to kill her?
I didn't care to observe them as he laid her back on the bed and began to strangle her. But I had a million niggling thoughts all at once. Lucious, is this what there is to our bond? Is this all there is to my eternity—death and defeat once again... only this time at your command?
