87 – If Only
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And so, Kana decided to stay the night. I made sure to tell Hatsumi, and she was fine with it as long as I cooked dinner tonight since she would be running late. Something about her tone didn't sound like someone excited about scoring an interview with a big company. Knowing Hatsumi, it was probably just nerves, but I couldn't help but feel a little worried.

Sitting around the table, my house suddenly more crowded than usual, was myself, Mio, Selene, Kana, and…

"Why haven't you gone home yet?" I turned to Hana, the pink-haired trickster scarfing down alfredo chicken pasta without an ounce of table manners.

"I thought we were having a sleepover?" The pasta slipped from her fork as it paused halfway into her mouth.

"No, no. This house is crowded enough as it is without you here," I said.

"Don't worry about me. I'll hunker down with Selene. It's like you won't even notice I'm here!" she slapped Selene's shoulder like they were the best of pals

Selene tried to pay Hana no mind while eating her dinner, but even greater succubus can have their patience run dry. 

"As if anyone can pretend not to notice you, especially if we're in the same room together. However, if it is Saeko's wish for me to…" She gritted her teeth as she picked her next words carefully. "share a room with you, then I'll do it."

While a part of me was amused to see how a Selene and Hana combination would turn out, I feared the consequences of what that would bring. Mio would revel in seeing Selene suffer, but keeping Hana in the house any longer than she needed to be was a death knell to peace for the night.

"Sorry, Hana. For the sake of mine and Selene's sanity, you're going home as soon as you're done with dinner," I said.

"Fine. Fine! Time to stuff myself full of pasta until then!" she exclaimed, vacuuming her plate for seconds.

After dinner, everyone retired to their rooms. Even Mio uncharacteristically left me and Kana to our own privacy. Something told me dinner wasn't the last I was going to see of her, but at least without Hana around, no one was going to play the echo chamber of bad intentions and pranks.

Kana was studying at my desk, while I was reading manga on the bed. When he was buried in his books and studies, the circumstances of having been turned into a girl didn't faze him one bit. It seemed to help that his mind was occupied with other things.

"You know, the last time we had a sleepover was back in elementary school," I said, peeking over my manga.

Without lifting his head from the textbook he said, "We used to all the time between mine and your house. I liked your place more since your sister was such a great cook. Though… it was kind of weird that she was always sleeping with us— rather, you in particular."

"Aha…" I scratched my cheek in embarrassment. "I guess it wasn't really a sleepover if Hatsumi kept invading my room."

We used to play video games and read manga all day, talk about the latest chapters and volumes, watched sentai anime wishing to grow up like a certain colored hero, and snuck out to parks or convenience stores at night to buy junk food. I missed being a kid. School used to be an afterthought, homework barely required any effort to finish, and the worst I had to worry about was a scolding from my parents if I did poorly in academics— which wasn't often.

Now we had high school exams to worry about, college entrance exams, and what careers to pursue that would set the pace for the rest of our lives. Kana took everything so seriously and gave every ounce of effort he had. Meanwhile, I was reading illustrated fight scenes in a magazine.

"Hey, you want to sneak out like old times?" I asked him.

"Like right now? It's 10PM, aren't we going to bed soon?" He glanced over his shoulders to me, hesitant to leave the desk while the textbook was open.

I flew over to him, put a bookmark on the page he was on, and slammed the book shut.

"With all the studying you do, stopping for an hour or two isn't going to hurt."

Both of us bundled up and took care not to alert the others on our way out.

Summer was behind us now. It might still be warm during the day, but temperatures dropped as quickly as night fell. Japan, for all that it was surrounded on all sides by the sea, no amount of humidity could stop the changing seasons.

Tsukiji City got pretty cold during the winter. Unfortunately, the only snow we would get were light trickles but not enough for a white Christmas. I wondered if Hatsumi would let us go on a snow trip during winter vacation. Visiting an onsen sounded nice.

A whole week at an onsen with friends sounded really nice.

It was a slow day at the konbini. Even late at night when the second wave of afternoon salarymen ended work at this time, few cars or patrons came by. Most went straight home to get some shut eye in preparation for another long day. 

Kana and I hit up the convenience store that was along the path to school at the corner of the street. An old employee at the counter rested his chin in his hand, reading a newspaper. He came to life to welcome us as we entered, then returned to reading when we passed him.

As kids, the konbini was like a dungeon at night, and the snacks and manga were treasures waiting to be picked up. We were practically adults now, and I couldn't see the place as any more than a quick stop for salary workers to buy their bentos.

I didn't want high school to end. I didn't want to go to college. I certainly didn't want to face my parents' inevitable return. Being able to spend time with Mio and Kana, as well as my friends at school, was all I really wanted. 

If only my days could just go on like this, I thought to myself.

Kana was squatting down in an aisle, scanning the wide selection of instant ramen.

"What are you getting?" I asked him, more to make small talk to get my mind off the earlier thoughts than anything else.

"I kind of want to eat something big, with lots of topping," he said, tapping on his chin.

"Was my alfredo pasta not good enough for you?" I crossed my arms, and Kana looked up to see an angry and pouting succubus.

"No, it was good! In fact, I loved it so much, I could go for some more— another time. Right now, I'm just feeling some instant ramen." He managed to save himself now, but I couldn't help but tease him just to see the flustered expression.

The selection was overwhelming. So many different choices to mull over. All of this stuff had so much sodium it would kill an average American, but boy do they taste good.

Kana reached halfway for one, thought against it, and retracted his hand. He scratched his head trying to figure out which he really wanted like it would be his last meal.

"What about you?" he asked, hoping that my decision would give him an idea.

"How about… this one?" I pointed to a family-sized cheese curry ramen, topped with peas, carrots, potatoes, shrimp, and a whole lot of cheese. In its entirety, the container was as big as my head. Kana choked on his spit when he saw it. "Just so you know, I was thinking we share it because you aren't coming to a decision anytime soon."

Kana acquiesced to my decision. The employee filled the noodle container with hot water and microwaved it for a minute. We also bought baked sweet potatoes to go, just to make sure our stomachs would be sufficiently full.

Kana and I sat on the curb between the store and parking lot. We ate the ramen shoulder to shoulder, watching a line of ants make a wide berth around a puddle of water. The cheesy goodness lit up my taste buds and tempted me to take bigger bites, but I didn't want to eat more than my fair share.

"This is bliss. The only bad thing is that we're out of cheese curry." I came back after tossing the empty container into the trash, then cupped the baked potato between my hands for warmth.

"You know, we can do this everyday if we went to the same college together," he remarked.

I punched his arm a little too hard and almost knocked the baked potato from his hands.

"We'd only be a train ride away anyway. It's not like I'll be gone for good," I reminded him.

Kana bit into the potato too soon and burned his tongue. He did the whole gasping routine to blow the heat from his mouth before being able to swallow.

"You and Mio will be at another college for four years. A lot can happen in that time. Just look what happened to us in less than six months," he said, gesturing to our changed genders. "I mean… you'll be making new friends, and… I'll be off in my own world…"

A lot could happen.

Nothing I had to say would comfort Kana. My sister would probably feel the same way. I just knew she was agonizing about me going to college and living alone. It wasn't too big of a deal since my target was Tsukiji University. Hatsumi and I could visit each other on a whim given how close it was, and she would have another year before graduating. Kana was another matter entirely.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to sour the mood. Thanks for bringing me out here. I needed the break," Kana said, getting to his feet and brushing the dirt from his butt.

I grabbed his hand while I was still seated and asked, "You want to take a detour?"

Both of us made our way to the park a block away from my house. It was one of those smaller amenities with a slide and swings, so there wasn't much for kids to do if they didn't have an imagination. Kana and I used to play there all the time.

"Ugh. I really can't get used to being a girl. I know my boobs aren't as big as yours, but it's weird having a chest that sticks out… and to not have something stick out between my legs," Kana said.

"Have you started… masturbating yet?" I asked, bumping lightly into his shoulder.

"No! Why would you ask that? Of course, I haven't." He turned his red face away from me. "The faster you can turn me back to a boy, the better."

I remembered when I was just like that, telling Mio off about changing my gender back. In the back of my mind, I didn't mind whichever sex Kana became. Both were equally delicious. Both were still him. But I'd be damned if I didn't get a taste of Kana as a girl before he returned to being a boy.

"Eventually, yeah. But in the meantime, you should at least try to live as a girl. Don't you want to know how it feels to wear a one-piece dress? Try on make-up and high heels? Or walk around without a bra or underwear—" I shut my mouth, not intending to say the quiet part out loud.

Kana glared. "You're totally a flaming exhibitionist now, aren't you?"

It was my turn to look away from him.

"I… I guess I could try on more women's clothing… but I'm not so sure about your style. Mio's style is closer to my taste," he said.

"You mean like the slingshot bikini?" I asked.

"AS IF!" he screamed. "But man, you really got used to being a girl fast. I guess all those times Hatsumi put you in a skirt and grew out your hair got you used to it."

"It's not funny! I think that's part of what messed with my head. I'm used to it now, but from here on out it's all been my choice." I pouted.

Kana fiddled his thumbs while he held a steaming red bean can with both hands. "I thought you looked cute back then."

When he called me cute, my face went red. I thought I was used to this already. After all, plenty of people compliment me during sex. Just words to fill the silence between the moans and panting.

My mind wandered back to when we were much younger and Kana had come over for a sleepover. It was the one time Hatsumi didn't invade the room because she had junior high exams to worry about the next day. Kana and I slept in a futon bed together. I was barely conscious and falling asleep, but before I did, I vaguely recalled him calling me cute and something soft touching my lips.

Wait… 

Did… Did at that time… Kana kissed me…?

Kana's plump lips were currently pressed against the opening in the can. Puffs of white cloud from steam and his breath billowed into the night sky.

My face turned hot.

I wanted to ask to confirm but was too embarrassed to. I thought Kana's interest in me was surface level at first when I turned into a girl, but it might be deeper and extended further into the past than I thought. We were both boys back then, I didn't think he liked me in that way.

But since my sister kept dressing me up as a girl back then, it was possible Kana started seeing me as one. In a way, we were almost fated to be together. Mio, Kana, and myself.

Well… Until Mio decided to start recruiting more people into my relationship...

"Did you want a taste?" Kana suddenly asked, tilting the canned red bean in my direction. His lips were slightly moistened from the drink. I knew he meant the can, but my mind immediately went elsewhere.

"That's a brave thing to ask a succubus," I said.

"I clearly meant the drink!" he retorted in protest. "But… if that's what you want instead…"

Instead of reaching for the can, I grabbed his face and planted my lips on him.

I awoke the next morning to find Mio in bed, hogging Kana all to herself. She got her arms and legs around him like he was a body pillow. Meanwhile, Kana looked troubled in his sleep, struggling in her grasp. Mio was probably messing with him in his dreams. The temptation to dive in and join the fun was great, but I didn't want to waste the start of my weekend.

I went downstairs to get a drink of water. Hatsumi was already up, her head buried in her arms at the dinner table. Normally, she would be flying across the kitchen and humming to herself. A warm smile and hot breakfast would be waiting for me whenever I came down. Today, nothing. Not so much as a cup of coffee.

"Hatsumi?" I called to her as I entered the living room.

My sister gasped and shot up from her seat, but quickly became disoriented from rising too fast. Red eyes indicated that she had been either crying or didn't get enough sleep. It was a look that I'd never seen before, even when she was having relationship troubles with Kotaro.

"Sorry. I'll get started on breakfast right away," she said.

I pushed her back into her seat. This time, she was the one powerless to stop me.

"No, you won't. If anything, you should go back to bed. What happened? College? Parents?" I listed off everything I could think of, but she shook her head to all of it.

My gaze fell to her phone on the table, left face up to reveal a contact of a tech company I recognized. It took all but one second for me to put the pieces together that she had just been rejected. Just the other day, she was so excited about it. Now…

"It turned out I didn't even get this interview on my own. Mom and dad pulled some strings to set it up for me. I don't want to think about the call they're going to give me later." Hatsumi gripped her shoulders and shuddered.

I could only imagine what she was going through. My upstanding, incredible sister whom I looked up to for her hardwork and determination was more defeated than I'd ever seen her. If only there was more that I could do. I was a succubus with incredible magic powers, but right now I was powerless.

How did I know this was bad? When I gave her a hug to cheer her up, she didn't squeeze back. Her arms were limp at the side.

"No use moping, right? The least I can do is cook breakfast for everyone." Hatsumi pulled eggs and salmon, along with ingredients to make miso soup from scratch from the fridge But once she placed everything on the counter, her trembling hands almost let slip an egg, I couldn't stand it anymore.

I pulled Hatsumi away from the counters and sat her back down at the dinner table.

"You're always cooking for us. It's my turn to cook for you," I said.

"But—"

"Just let me handle things around the house every once in a while. Put a little trust in me. You raised me after all." When I went to start cooking, a weight pressed against my back. I felt the outlines of my sister's eyes and nose on my shoulder blade.

"I won't be too much of a bother. I want to stay like this for a little bit," she said.

"You're not a bother at all…" I mumbled to myself.

Everyone worried about their future. Hatsumi wasn't any different. Seeing this vulnerable side of her made me want to do more.

A strange sensation pricked at my aura. Not from sensing danger. I sensed Mio and Selene upstairs, but it wasn't them who triggered it. Before I could focus on it, the sensation disappeared as quickly as it came and left me wondering what it was.

"Saeko~ the eggs will burn," Hatsumi said, peeking over my shoulder.

"Oh, damn it!"

It's a new month, get the most out of your patreon subscription now! Up to 10 advanced chapters available to read NOW on https://www.patreon.com/jamminrabbit at Tier 2 sub

Updates every week on Monday PST!

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