Otto and I began to chill in the bushes. Time to begin operation: Fleshy Frenemy. How does it work? Let me explain.

Otto is hiding in the bushes a ways away from the fleshy lump. I'm hiding further away down the road. When someone goes up to the putrid mass of whatever the fuck to fight it, Otto will signal me with a note strum, and I'll come out of the bushes. I start walking down the road, and what do I see here? Oh look, it's a group of people that are in trouble. As a noble citizen, aiming to be an adventurer, I'll have to destroy the monster to rescue the caravan. And if they're thankful, they'll give me money. If they're not thankful, then we can just go on our way, knowing we did a good deed. 

Yeah, right.

I'll intimidate the shit out of them, and get them to give me their gold. Boom, problem solved. I mean, if they can't handle the flesh monster, and they see me handling it, they'll know that I'm pretty strong. What's that about morals? I am not a roadside bandit, I am a caring citizen, thank you. 

So, now I'm waiting in the bushes. 

...

Still waiting in the bushes.

...

I really thought they would get here faster didn't I?

I mean, I guess someone might have told someone that the flesh lump was here already and now people aren't coming down this road. That could be it. Damn. I really need more information. 

So, I could just kill it now, or wait ten fucking hours for someone to arrive. 

I'm going with the muscle brain option. Fuck yeah for being ADHD. 

I got out of the bushes, and started walking towards the flesh lump. Goodbye, money. I'll miss you.

Now that I'm closer, I can see this thing fucking pulsing. Ugh, god, why is it so gross? Fuck sake, hopefully it doesn't squirt blood all over me when I stab it.

Actually, let's do this from a range then. First, I'll throw a dagger at it. If nothing happens, I'll go in for more. I quickly put on concealment, and got ready.

I aimed carefully at what literally took up half my vision. This is an easy target, what am I worrying about? I gripped my dagger by the blade, and I threw it at the monster.

It gracefully flew through the air, until it finally bounced off the monster. It landed hilt first. Fuck.

I waited to see if the monster would do anything. Nothing happened. I walked up to the monster slowly. I don't know when this thing might lash out. 

I slowly picked up the dagger. Still nothing. Okay then. Time to go ham and cheese on this fucker.

Why was I worrying about this thing? It's not even doing anything. Man, why am I so stupid?

I took out my sword and stabbed straight into it.

Nothing happened.

I started cutting into it now. Smooth as butter.

Still nothing.

I cut off a huge lump.

And that's a nada from Mr. Ball-O-Flesh over here. 

Hey, hey, hey. Isn't this a bit too easy? No reaction? This thing is definitely alive, so why isn't moving? 

I started cutting deeper into it, and then leaving hunks of flesh behind me. Big chunks. Blergh, I wanna barf. This is so fucking gross. 

And this is taking so long. I'm digging further and further in here, and now I have to step inside if I want to keep tunneling. Oh god, it stinks like nothing I've ever smelled before. This had better give me a shit ton of experience. 

I kept tunneling for a good ten minutes. Eventually, I found a part that seemed like a core. I say that because it was at the center, and it was glowing and red. It was about a six inches in diameter. I decided to cut it out of the bastard. I put my sword to the side of the thing, and cut around it, before yanking the core hard. It came out into my hands. Then I felt the bastard finally giving a reaction. Time to pull the "Strategic Retreat."

I quickly ran the fuck out of the monster, before turning around. The monster was trembling and shaking around. What, you mad? Come and get it, flesh face! What you gonna do, fucking die? Got you.

The flesh lump began to turn around. Oh no.

I saw its face.

I thought I had seen the worst of it. I hadn't.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT, GOD!? AM I LIVING IN A HORROR MOVIE!?'

The flesh lump didn't really have eyes, just these large sunken indents. I just felt like they were eyes. The thing didn't have a nose either. But its mouth...

It was this ten foot wide gap, filled with way too many teeth. They weren't at all uniform. I am creeped out as hell.

It's looking around now.

Wait, it doesn't see me?

I mean, I do have my concealment on right now. Is its perception that shit?

Seriously?

Oh, it stopped moving. Its body began to decay. 

And, it's dead. Wow.

I was not expecting this. 

Alright, here's my hypothesis. My concealment disguised me from its senses. It doesn't actually have any nerves, so it couldn't feel itself being hollowed out. Once I got the core of the fucker out, it couldn't handle that shit, and died. 

I'm a genius. Fuck yeah for me. Problem solver extraordinaire. 

Wait a sec, where the hell is Otto? Dude, where was my back up?

I looked around for a bit, before hearing some music. No fucking way.

I walked through the bushes towards the noise. I swear to god, that lazy bastard, I'm going to make you into a toaster if you're doing what I think you are, Otto.

I found him sitting in a clearing, playing his lute. 

You know what? Fuck it, you can just sit here. I picked up a pebble and aimed. Right in the back of the head. Sounded like a goddamn bell. Probably because that head of his is fucking empty. 

He looked over at me. Yeah, you knew exactly what was happening. And you disapprove of me being a scammer, but you're just going to sit over here and wait it out? Fuck you, man. 

I picked up a second pebble, to display my annoyance. He didn't try to block it. Shit, at least pretend like I'm annoying you. 

"Let's just go."

After he and I went around the corpse, we headed off towards the west again. Shit. I hope I can sell this core at least. I will never do this again. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER, EVER, EVER, THE FUCK AGAIN. DON'T MAKE THIS A FUCKING FLAG, OTTO CAN DO IT NEXT TIME, WITH HIS FANTASTIC LUTE FIGHTING SKILLS. 

Seriously god, I'll quit my job. 

Here's my status.

Name:	Simon Harmes	Vitality	190	Mana Capacity	246
Race:	Human	Strength	190	Intellect	208
Age:	16	Agility	199	Wisdom	208
Level:	26	Constitution	190	Perception	226
Titles:			Affinities:
Blessed By God (L)			Water
Hated By An Archangel (U)			Light
Automaton's Friend (R)			Darkness
			Poison
			Lightning
			Space-Time

 

Skills: Level: The Chaos of a Joker (U) NA Language Comprehension (R)  NA Concealment (S)  3 Dagger Technique (C) 8 Dismantling (C) 7 Cooking (C) 6 Poison Resistance (C) 3 Short Sword Technique (C) 3 Dual Wielding (C) 2

Magic: Level: Instant Cast (U)  NA Item Storage (R)  1 Moisture Magic (C) 7 Shine Magic (C) 3 Shadow Magic (C) 3 Electric Magic (C) 3 Mana Sense (C) 2 Appraisal (C) 1