"For the record, I really think I'm not entirely to blame here." I said as I walked down the road, putting Evergreen behind us. I finally remembered the name of the city now that I was never going to see it again. 

"I would agree." Said Otto, walking behind me. "But I would like to remark upon the fact that you are one of the people that caused this."

"I..." Said Ms. Gullible, walking beside us with vacant eyes. "I didn't do it. This can't be happening. This is a dream. Ha. Haha. I'll wake up soon. Yes."

"MPH!" Said Agatha, trying to speak through the makeshift gag I shoved in her mouth before we left. She was hanging off a stick that Otto and I were carrying together, gagged and bound, intensely struggling to break free. It wasn't happening.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that." I said to Agatha, enjoying her struggle. "You should speak more clearly." I waited for her to continue, but she stayed quiet this time. "That's what I thought."

Now, this seems like an odd group to travel with. A crazy hero, a moral robot, a naive adventurer, and a tied up criminal.

Yep. A bunch of weirdos.

But, 

Traveling with any other people does not seem like a good option right now.

As the four of us wander down the road to who knows where, I think back on the complete carnage we accidentally brought forth on the city only a few hours ago.

* * *

So, when Otto and I arrived at the guild I woke up from my nap. Really, Otto can be just as much of an ass as me. 

How?

He woke me up by depositing me on the ground in front of the Adventurer's Guild.

That was not fun for my already in pain body.

"AAAAAFAC!" I shouted in pain as I hit the ground.

All I feel is pain. Pain and depression. I can move a little bit now, but it isn't enough for me to actually do anything. More like, my fingers aren't murdering me.

"Okay, Otto." I said, my face pressed against the ground. "You go in, carrying me, and we ask nicely for our IDs, but if Mr. Receptionist doesn't hand them over, we beat the shit out of him."

Otto did his not sigh that was somehow a sigh and said, "Unfortunately, that was my plan as well. Except I'm not going to carry you. You'll be a burden on me if the receptionist turns hostile."

"But then who's going to do the talking?" I question. I imagine he'll still be doing his silent treatment for everyone other than me. His voice sounds really robotic and jerky, despite sounding somewhat sophisticated.

And, it looks like Otto agrees with me. "... I'll carry you in, but I will drop you at the first sign of anything amiss."

"Just don't abandon me to face my mortal enemy alone." I said as Otto swung me over his shoulder. I'm still in intense pain, be gentle.

I notice that he had switched out his burned clothes for others. Guess he didn't want people to see his secret robo-visage. 

I just don't know where he got the clothes from.

Item box?

Maybe he's actually hollow and filled with items?

...

He robbed someone when I wasn't looking?

I had to stop that line of thought when Otto pushed open the door and walked in and I was forced to watch his back from where I hung off his shoulder. I got you, buddy. No one is sneaking up on Simon. 

There was a palpable silence that hung in the air. Otto paused in the doorway.

"Psst... Otto... What's going on?" I asked.

I my words met only with silence. I guess Otto is back in "Mute Mode."

I couldn't turn myself around to check what was happening, but I could feel something was wrong, given how Otto had paused once he entered the room.

He the turned around to leave, and I realized why he was silent, after having been turned around myself. 

The receptionist table was being manned by the most evil man in the world, but he wasn't the problem.

Oh no.

Standing next to him, facing us, was my least favorite woman in the world.

Not the gullible one. She's mostly fine.

Agatha. Grater girl. I remembered her name. 

What the fuck was she doing here?

"Ah, shit." I said, as Otto walked out. "I don't suppose you brought muffins?"

Then the door slammed shut, and Otto booked it. She seemed to recognize Otto. I guess they must have had their own meeting in the mansion.

"You know her?" I asked Otto. "She's kind of a dumbass, isn't she?"

Behind us, the small wooden door that was the entrance to the Adventurer's Guild was launched from its hinges. Following that, Agatha stepped out of the now empty doorway dual wielding crossbows. 

She was long ranged.

Fuck.

I had expected her to be a muscle-brain, wielding a club or a sword, considering her violent personality. I guess not.

"Yes, I encountered her when she came by my cell and I pretended to be a mute." He said. "She fell for the ploy."

Seems legit.

Otto rushed down the street as arrows came flying after us. As I saw Agatha coming after us, I realized she had an item box or something similar. She was using something to take make her arrows appear on her crossbow, and then they would automatically draw back, most likely with magic. In other words, she was going to keep shooting at us with very little reload time. 

Now watching arrows shoot at you while being completely unable to move your body is not very fun. It's not very fun at all. It's about as fun as watching someone try and shoot you with arrows.

What a coincidence!

So, I did the only thing I could. I braced myself for the possible arrows that were going to be hitting me very soon.

Oh, and they were definitely going to be hitting me soon. She was not a terrible shot, even if she was bad at shooting and running.

Case in point, one of the arrows hit Otto in the back. One problem for her, is that Otto is made of metal. It just stuck itself into his cloak and he kept running.

Motherfucker, my life flashed before my eyes.

She was shouting something, that may or may not have been vicious profanities, but I couldn't hear her very well from where I hung off Otto's shoulder, and I was trying very desperately to deal with being shaken around by Otto. It was more pain.

Nothing went according to plan.

Shit.

So...

What could I do to stop this?

I can't move.

I can't use magic.

Wait I can move one thing.

My mouth.

Maybe if I piss her off enough, she'll do something stupid.

Actually, that's my best chance here.

"Seriously, what a fucking shot!" I shouted at her. "You could have spent more time actually learning how to kill, rather than how to cheese grate someone."

She didn't react to that. Honestly, not my best job at pissing someone off. Actions speak louder than words, and I can't fucking move to do the actions.

Let's try a different route.

"BITCH!" I shouted. While that may be a rude thing to call a woman, I don't particularly care when they're a criminal trying to kill me, who once threatened my manhood. If I didn't care about that, I would be a fucking saint. And that ain't happening anytime soon.

"FUCKING WHORE! I'VE SEEN A BLIND MAN WITH PARKINSON'S AIM BETTER!" 

That was a mean thing to say, but it certainly did the job. She looked more madder than a bull that found out you stole its wallet. Her aim got worse as a result, but she started speeding up.

It also caught the attention of the people around us as Otto dashed past them. 

Otto rushed down the streets as Agatha screamed while trying to kill us. Yeah, I really pissed her off. Otto is fast, but he's carrying me. Agatha is fast, but she's wielding two crossbows. And, she's only human. Otto isn't. 

So it wasn't a surprise for me when the two of us managed to escape her after Otto ran around a corner and hid in the doorway. Unfortunately for me, he had his back to the door, so I had my head squished between Otto and a door. Not fun.

Once we made sure she had ran off, Otto darted out of the doorframe and booked it in a different direction.

Yay. We did it.

Except we didn't.

We don't have our fucking IDs, and the Adventurer's Guild guy isn't going to be handing over our IDs anytime soon. In fact, they're more likely to use them as toilet paper and burn them rather than to hand them over.

"Otto, I have a suggestion for you." 

"Please tell me, what do you have in mind?"

"We need to silence that adventurer's Guild receptionist, or else he'll spread or face and name around through legal channels."

"..." Otto paused. He does that a lot. "I do not believe that would be wise. He will have most likely fled already, or prepared for our return. The guards have seen us already, and there is little doubt that at least one of them has used appraisal on us."

"..." Yeah, we be fucked. So much for being a hero. Not that I would have made a very good one anyways.

How the fuck am I supposed to retire now?

"So, if we aren't grabbing our IDs, all we have to do now is figure out how to return the stuff, right?"

"Yes. I have an idea for that actually." Otto said.

"... Really?" I thought Otto was a bit more... Passive than that. Not to say he doesn't think things. He just never suggested anything.

Except, he didn't say anything. Don't fault me for thinking that when he literally wouldn't suggest anything.

Fucker, thinking about how he hid that makes me angry.

"Yes. We drop them off at the guard station, and then we leave."

...

Okay, that makes sense. I'm not dropping this shit off into the fire. I'm vying continual existence of my hair and eyebrows. Don't make me Lex Luthor. The guards should take care of that stuff.

Should.

One problem.

"How do we make sure the guards actually return them?" I asked. 

"... We hope that the people that have been given the job of protecting this city will have a certain amount of integrity."

"The guard we met at the gate didn't have shit for integrity."

There was a long pause between us.

"Do you have any better suggestions?" Otto asked me.

"We leave it at a different guard house and hope they aren't as shit."

"That would probably be a better option."

It's still a shit option, but I'm hoping for the best here. 

* * *

So, Otto and I found another exit. We went to the northern side of the city and found a guard post by the city gate.

But, for some reason, they had closed the gate. 

Maybe it was the fire, general panic, and the random monster that has appeared in the middle of town.

At this time, I was finally able to move around a bit without feeling like I was going to die. Only a bit, though. I couldn't walk on my own, but being able to move your arms a little bit is a pretty great feeling when you're not suffering from it.

But the worst part of not being able to move was the fact that Otto just wouldn't fucking turn me around to see what was in front of him. He gave some excuse like he wanted me to guard his back, but I'm pretty sure the asshole just doesn't want me to speak to anyone. Fucker.

I'm a mature adult (Teenager. I'm still 16. I'm not old yet, It's an expression.). I can talk like a normal person when my life depends on it. Right now, my life fucking depends on it.

So, Otto...

"Please, just fucking turn me around." I'm already past the whole shouty-angry phase. Otto examines the guard house, while I stew in the exasperation phase.

"Please be silent." Otto is sneaking a peak around a corner while he talks. I wonder if he has a stealth skill? Maybe. 

"Otto, please just fucking go, or turn me around." I said. "I'm tired of this bullshit, and I want us to just fucking get it done already, fucks sake."

"Would you please stop swearing. I need to confirm the number of guards and whether or not we can get past them."

We can get past them alright.

"There. I used Presence Erasure, so we should be fine." I said. I did actually use the skill. No idea if it will work for Otto, but here's hoping. 

"... You have that skill?" Otto asked.

"Yes. Yes I do. Now, just get us in there so I can dump the shit, and we can figure out how to leave the city."

"... Then, let us go."

Otto came out from around the corner and began to walk towards the guard's post. The fucker didn't even turn me around. Asshole.

Wait a sec.

Can't I just use mana scanning and sense the place behind me without moving?

That should work.

So, I start doing it.

Well, we've got a couple people at the post, about six people in the post, and two outside of it.

Otto walks up to the side of the building, staying slightly out of sight by the guards, until--

"Hey, come out from over there."

Well, shit. Otto, you let me down. Or I let us down with Presence Erasure. Either way, someone saw us, and I have no fucking clue what to do.

Once again,

Well, shit.