So here's how it is.

I'm sitting in my room. I'm on my computer, doing what my parents believe to be homework, which is in fact, watching one of the worst memes I've ever seen. You don't just fucking distort video clips so that everyone is talking strangely to make it funny. Memes take more creativity than that shit. This is pretty much the original video, but some asshole keeps swerving the camera and changing the voice tones. The original video is terrible to begin with. Why am I watching this? Because I hate doing anything productive or remotely useful for myself. I ain't gonna do shit with my life later on, so I might as well get started not doing shit now.

'Onto the next one.'

As I was sitting in my chair, I began to lean back, but as I kept leaning, I tipped over backwards. I suddenly found myself standing in a dark space, surrounded by people bustling around. 

'Excuse me, but what the fuck.'

I stood completely still, afraid of what were to happen if I were to move. The people rushing around were all wearing white robes onesies and fake looking wings on their backs, while setting up white bright lights around where I was standing. After about two minutes of standing around, I came to a simple conclusion.

I mean, I'm surrounded by literal angels in some weird place. I'm either dead or hallucinating. Let's hope with the hallucinating idea. I pinched my arm. It hurt.

'Welp, I'm dead.'

So much for hoping. I gave up on that pretty much instantly, huh. As I looked around, I noticed a coffee machine on a table off to the side.

'Gimme some of that shit. I need some caffeine. It's part of the mourning process. Wait, isn't that alcohol? Fuck it, I'll grab some anyways. '

I walked over to the table, humming Monty Python's "Bright Side of Life", and grabbed a paper cup next to the machine. None of the angels were paying attention to me, too enraptured by their work to pay attention. I got the feeling something was off, considering how much they were rushing around, trying to finish their spotlight project. As I started pouring the coffee, I heard someone shouting behind me.

"Alright, we got ten minutes until the target shows! If we don't get this done fast, I'll give you more work like this to do, so we better get this done fast! Also, someone find god, and get her the hell over here!"

I turned around, to see the speaker. He was wearing the same white robes as everyone else, but he was holding a clipboard, wearing glasses, and looking flustered as hell over his light project. He had straight black hair, which he slicked back, and a pale face. I couldn't see his eyes from behind his glasses, as there seemed to be some eternal fog or sheen covering them up. He looked like he was having a rough day.

'Whatever it is, I'll worry over it after my coffee.'

I had already gotten over my own death, and instead started enjoying everyone scurrying around to finish their work. I was the only one by the table, just standing around, so I think these guys might be a bit too absorbed in their work. No one has even spared me a glance. I brought the cup filled with a brown liquid up to my lips, only to grimace. I forgot that I hated coffee. Fuck, that would have been cool, to have them notice me, as I was casually drinking coffee. 'You looked like you were having fun over there, so I waited for you to finish.' DAMNIT. That settled it. This isn't heaven. Otherwise, I would have enjoyed that coffee. I think. Or, I guess this isn't biblical heaven.

I tossed the cup, still full of liquid behind me. Someone would take care of that. That someone, probably not being me. OOOOH, cookies.

I still had no idea what they were making, but I was sure I would find out in the next few minutes. Oh, looks like they finished. Shiny glasses had something to say too.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS GOD!?"

Or he had something to shout. He was looking hella pissed. I heard a door open, and looked to the side, only to finally notice that there was a door in this place that was disguised to look like nothing. I mean nothingness. Like, a door was there, but it was painted really black, too black for me to notice normally. Looking over, I saw a girl wearing a pajamas running away from the door and up to Mr. Glasses. 

"I'm sorry I'm late!" She stopped right in front of him, gasping for breath. "I overslept!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!?" The glasses guy is still set in rage mode.

She looked down at herself, visibly paling before screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" 

I don't know what the two of them are worried about. Pink pajamas with polka dots are exactly what we need right now. I feel like my presence here already means something has gone wrong, but...

"Fuck it, we don't have time! You'll have to wear a robe or something!"

"No, those things are so ugly!"

'Yeah, I'ma just gonna be over here. Have fun, kids.'

She ended up relenting, and putting on a robe, before going to stand in a spot surrounded by the lights. Looks like the angels are done now, because they've started to get away from the lights.

"This is it, we've got thirty seconds." Said glasses guy. "We just about made it. Nice job everyone. Now, 10... 9... 8..."

Lights I didn't know existed started to turn off. Where was the light coming from? The angels had backed off to the side, and now I couldn't see anyone through the darkness. 

"3... 2 and QUIET!" Glasses guy finished. I stood still, eating a cookie, and waited for the show that was about to start. 

There was a long pause. It continued. And continued. I think I was standing in the dark for a good ten minutes before I heard some frantic whispering to my right, before hearing some shushing. I finished my cookie, and groped around in the dark for another few. This was going to be fun. Or stupid. Probably both.

"Someone turn on the lights!" I could hear the glasses loud whispering at someone. I decided to sneak over to where I heard the voice. A few seconds later, two spotlights turned on. One above the girl, and one targeted on nothing. You could see the confusion on her face. I then realized that the spotlight was where I had stood before when I got here. 

Oh.

Yeah, I'm not supposed to be eating cookies.

Well, that's fine.

Everything is fine.

'FUCK.'

"Ummm..." Pajama girl looked confused. Everything is not going according to plan.

"Where the hell is he?" Glasses guy, who was next to me, was sounding just as confused.

I leaned over to where I had just heard the voice. Things were already going to shit, I might as well speed it up a little. I reached out and stroked what I thought was the guy's face before quickly retracting my hand and backing up a step.

...Strange, I was expecting-

"WHAT THE FUCK!? WHO THE FUCK JUST TOUCHED ME!?"

There it is. I could hear the air (Is this air? Is this anything? What the fuck am I breathing? Do dead people need to breathe?) swishing in front of me as what I assumed was glasses guy reaching out to try and find me. It was now time for the final phase of operation: Cookie Monster in The Dark. I took a half eaten cookie and threw it directly at him. I heard it hit him.

"..."

I think it got his face. 

"Turn the lights on."

This isn't stupid enough yet. We're changing this genre to horror. I put on my elegant monster disguise and stepped back in front of him, when the lights turned on. I think. The disguise got in the way of my vision. 

"..."

I wasn't sure what he looked like right now, but I knew how I looked. I had taken two smaller cookies and placed them over my eyes, while putting a partly eaten cookie into my mouth to get my cookie grin. Operation success. 

"..."

I waited for him to react.

"...Fuck you."

I felt something hit me hard in the stomach, and I bent over. I started coughing and spitting cookie out of my mouth, I think partially onto glasses, while the others fell off my eyes. What a waste of good cookie. 

'Mission failed. We'll get him next time.'

I looked up and saw glasses looking what I assumed to be angry, confused, and probably upset about the cookie on the floor and on him. I'm upset too, bro. I get you. 

Totally worth it.

I am probably not sane.