3 – Man, Video Games Teach You So Much About Life
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And, now I'm in a forest. FUCK. He didn't give me chance to ask any questions. I don't even know if there's a town nearby. GODDAMNIT. Now how am I supposed to go fight the demon king if I don't even know what direction he's in?

[This is a pre-recorded message. If you wish to open your status, say status, or will it to open.]

Pre-recorded? Isn't this pajama girl's voice? Oh my gosh, she's trying so hard to sound elegant, but I can't help but think of how much she was panicking and how confused she looked the entire time I talked with Glasses. Well, she was the one that was supposed to talk to me, so it does make sense that things would be explained by her instead of glasses. I guess you finally got the chance you deserved, pajama girl.

Okay then. Status?

Name: Simon Harmes Vitality 40 Mana Capacity 68
Race: Human Strength 40 Intellect 48
Age: 16 Agility 44 Wisdom 48
Level: 1 Constitution 40 Perception 56
Titles: Affinities:
Blessed By God (L) Water
Hated By An Archangel (U) Light
  Darkness
  Poison
  Lightning
  Space-Time

Holy shit, life is an RPG. I always knew my countless hours of playing video games would save me. I just hope this isn't turn based combat, because I'm more of a fan of Legend of Zelda myself. Wait, why don't I have skills? I need my magic powers, damnit.

Skills: Level:
The Chaos of a Joker (U) NA
Instant Cast (U)  NA
Language Comprehension (R)  NA
Item Box (S)  5
 Stealth (C)  3
   

Okay, I do have skills. Nice. Separate menu. 

I need to make sense of this. Stuff like strength and levels make sense to me, but I don't understand the affinities or the skill section at all. What is "The Chaos of a Joker"? I mean, I like the sound of that, but I don't get it. Pre-recorded message, please do your job.

[If you have looked at your status, you will have noticed that it lists personal information about you and your abilities. Your name, race, and age should be explanatory, but everything else shall be explained.]

She went on to explain everything. But it was long and boring, so I'll sum it up real quick.

Level represents how much you have developed your ability. It can be raised by killing things, completing challenges, or doing your job.

The numbers on the right each represent different qualities of my body. Apparently, they normally would be at ten for a level one of my age, but since god loves me so, so much, he decided multiply my base abilities times four. Thanks god, you lazy bastard.

Looking at my stats, I'm happy to see my how high they all are. After dividing them by four, most of them are a little above average and my mana capacity is way the hell up there. I should be a wizard or something.

The skills section is for abilities I can use. Skills have rankings from Common, Special, Rare, Unique, Legendary, Mythical, and Godly, and the letter next to the skill name denotes it. The ranking means that the skill is more powerful than lesser ranked skills, but it doesn't mean it can overpower all lesser skills. How they're used is important. They have levels which can rise if you become more proficient at using them, either through repetitive practice or through teaching. When they hit level ten, they can rank up to a higher level version of the skill. Once it reaches the Unique rating, it will develop itself into your own special technique. Those that don't have skill levels are usually static, but they can evolve under rare conditions.

So I've got two unique skills that are static. No idea how to improve those. One of them, "Instant Cast" is apparently the skill given to me by god, which allows me to cast magic without chants or gestures. Normally, it will take a couple seconds, to a full minute to cast a spell, so this pretty powerful, if I can cast a strong spell instantly. The other one, I have no clue about. I'm sure it's gonna be great, I just wish I knew what it did. 

The Item Box and Language Comprehension are more gifts from god. The item box creates a hole in space for me to store my stuff in, and the language comprehension allows me to understand all currently spoken languages. I have been given some food, money, and basic gear in the item box, so I'll need to fish that out soon. 

I also have a stealth skill, which is something that I learned in my life on Earth. It's important to be sneaky when you want to prank someone.

Titles are hard to earn. They sometimes affect your abilities and sometimes they don't. They also have rankings. Because I've been sent here by god, I've been given a blessing by him, and it increases my level up speed for myself and my skills. Score. The message didn't say anything about the "Hated by an Archangel" one, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out where I got it from. And I hoped me and glasses were gonna be the best of friends. Guess I'm forever alone again.

The affinities section tells you what types of spells you can cast. The different basic types are water, earth, air, fire, light, and darkness. The rarer types are ice, lightning, poison, and space-time. There are other magics people can learn that don't fall into these categories, but they don't have affinities, so anyone can technically learn them. It's really difficult to gain an affinity for a magic type, so these are mostly static. Most people will have two or three, so me having six must mean I'm super talented. Wizardry, here I come. 

[Currently, you are located in the Evergreen Forest, to the south of the city of Evergreen. I would recommend you travel there in order to begin your journey. I wish you good fortune, my champion.]

"PFFFT--"

'My champion?' Holy shit, isn't that laying it on a little thick there? That's one of the most fake things I've heard in my entire life. And I've seen episodes of soap operas. 

Side note: Evergreen? I thought fantasy worlds would have a better naming sense than this. Or maybe this is just a really shitty fantasy. I don't know at this point.

Well, we've got a bit of a problem. She said that this place is to the south of a city, and that I should travel to there. However,

"Which way is north?"

I don't have a compass or map. I could probably figure it out in a couple hours using the sun, but it's directly above me right now. 

"Wait a sec."

I forgot my gear. Gotta put that shit on first. Wait, how do I use my item box. Do I just say it?

"Item box?"

Nope. Nothing happened. Maybe I just have to 'use the power of imagination.' I tried willing a hole in space to appear.

'Hmmm... Oh, I got it, I think. Let me just reach in there, and...'

I pulled out a shirt. I guess this qualifies as basic gear. I quickly pulled everything out of there that I could find, and took inventory. I had, 

1 shirt

1 leather vest

1 pair of pants

1 belt

1 pair of socks

1 pair of shoes

1 full set of leather armor, minus a helmet

2 daggers/knives

1 short sword

1 spear

3 loaves of bread

5 pieces of jerky

1 water skin (Empty. What the hell am I supposed to drink, muddy water? If you have coffee in heaven, you'd think that they'd have water, but NOOOOO, I have to get that shit myself.)

A small sack containing 10 copper coins, 10 large copper coins, 5 silver coins, and a large silver coin. 

Might as well get changed. If someone sees me wearing my clothes from Earth, I don't know what they'll say about it. I put my sword on my waist, slid one dagger in my belt, and strapped one dagger to my ankle, because whenever you see someone sporting a dagger on their leg, you know they're ready for some serious shit. And I need to be ready for some serious shit. 

I looked back up at the sky, to see that the sun hadn't really moved by much, but it was enough to make a rough estimate.

'On Earth, the sun rises in the east, and sets in the west. Since it moved a bit that way, that way must be west. So, turning clockwise ninety degrees from that, and I've found my north. City, get ready for Simon!'

I began my trek through the woods. 

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