Faun’s POV
I did not wish for the tears that were threatening to fill my eyes. I could not stay in that room any longer and watch Michael and Leafia flirt. It was painful. Was it even a week ago that I was thinking of making Michael my companion? I know that our relationship is broken and will not be able to go back to what it was, but that does not make it hurt any less.
Sometimes I wish I was more like a deer. Emotions had very little to do with mating for them. They did need to get along with the stag but the only thing that really mattered was how fit and strong he was. Would he be able to make strong babies that could carry on the family line. And next season if he was no longer the best stag you would just go choose another.
But humans wanted a longer commitment and part of me deep down longed for that too. But it was something that I would never truly be able to achieve. Human’s and even elves’ lives are so short. How would it be any different for me than a doe choosing a different stag the next spring? I felt like a hypocrite wanting something long term and significant and then wanting to settle with a human for the next 20 or 30 years.
I do have Laurel. But she is a plant. Romance is not a thing for them. Their only focus is on how to trick some animal to do the hard part of the reproductive work for them, lazy plants. Laurel’s form is human so it should be possible for her to feel attraction. But I guess she had never had that spark stir inside her for anyone. Emily is proof that Dryads are capable of feeling attraction. It is just Laurel does not understand.
Also, I am an animal spirit. Children are an important part in finding a mate to be with. I don’t know if I could be happy with a mate that I knew would never be able to give me a child.
Not wanting any of the villagers to see me at the brink of tears I quickly found my way into the barn and sat down in the back between a few cows I figured the inn kept for their own use. It was clear that they had been milked for the last time today. I should be free from any interruptions here. Sensing my desire to be left alone the cows shifted slightly, blocking my seat from being able to be seen from the entrance.
I wanted to wallow in my own misery some more but I could not think of anything to complain about. I was not about to start thinking about anything older than last week. I don’t know if I would ever be able to calmly think about these eight months.
I did not get to run repeat on my self pity for long before I heard the door open. And I knew it was one of the few people that I would not be able to hide from if she wanted to find me. Trying to play hide and seek with a plant had never ended well for me. There were just too many plants.
I had to let out a little laugh despite myself at Laurel, as she tried to pass through the cows. Every time she thought that she had found a way to approach me they shifted a little blocking her path. After a few tries I thought that Laurel might be getting the wrong impression so I said, “It is ok to let her through.” I did not have to say it out loud and Laurel was more than sensitive enough to feel my power even if I did not put it into words to hear. But the human habit of talking to animals under their care was something I found endearing. I used to love watching Michael take care of the animals. The only sour note to me was the fate that I knew awaited them. And even despite that fate they would only try to protect me.
I remembered the jay that escaped and could have flown to freedom diving at Maximus. I do not know if my cry for it to flee did not come in time or if it was never going to listen, but it was a pointless death. There was no way that a single jay would be enough to stop Maximus.
Once again tears filled my eyes as I tried to cast these thoughts out of my mind. It was not until I felt Laurel’s arm around me that I really remembered where I was and that I was safe. We just sat there leaning against each other into the night as the inn behind us began to quiet.
“I am not sure I want to learn about romance if it hurts that much,” Laurel said out of the blue, startling me slightly with the first noise outside of animal grunts in hours.
“You already know how it hurts.” I sighed. Did she think that romantic love was something completely different than the love she has for her friends? There was a reason that they were both called love after all.
“I do? But I have never been in love.” As I thought, she clearly was not getting it.
“Don’t you love Mist?” I supplied. Doing my best to suppress the eye roll I really want to give her.
“Of course I do.” She sounded almost affronted that I would even ask that. “But that is different. If anything I would have to say that I see her as my daughter. That can’t be the same thing!... At least I don’t think it is?”
“You are right they are different, but they are not as different as I think you are imagining,” I stated calmly. I found it a little funny that she seemed to be getting worked up about this. “How did it feel when you saw Mist was hurting and there was nothing you could do for her?”
After a moment's pause Laurel said, “It was awful. I have not had the chance to tell you yet but it was the second time that Mist almost collapsed in these last two months. I never want to feel that way again. It hurts so much. Like something broke inside.”
“That is what it feels like when you lose someone romantically too.”
“Why would anyone ever choose to get romantically involved then? It just sounds horrendous.” Laurel was in clear disbelief. “I am thinking even more that plants have the right idea when making the next generation.”
“Would you go back and choose not to care about Mist if you knew how much it was going to hurt in the future?”
“Never.” Again she was almost affronted that I would ask the question. But she was still not getting the point.
“All relationships with love end up hurting at some point. It will hurt when Leafia dies of old age. But I at least think all the joy that comes from that love is more than a match for the hurt you feel.” Silence fell after I said those words. It was clear Laurel was trying hard to process what I had told her. Part of me was wondering how much I believed my own words. Was getting involved with a mortal even going to give us enough time to make the hurt worth it.
“I was so scared I lost you, I was starting to worry that I would need to search the whole world to find you. I am glad you are back with me. I have missed you so much” Laurel said, cuddling closer to me. The only thing I wished for right now was that Laurel created her own body heat. It was a cold night.
