Prologue: The Bestowal
They illuminate themselves within the darkness of the world, leading the lost ones with their shining glory. They represent the hopes and dreams of many and they are at the centre of countless topics of conversation. They are the stars that seamlessly stand out within the dark universe, illuminating it with their light and giving us the piece of art that is the lustrous night sky.
Each star differs from the next. Unique in their own way, differing in size, differing in their light and differing in power. What power might a star have? Powers beyond the capabilities of a human being, powers that might as well belong to the gods, powers that can bring in a new life as well as take it away.
Normally, these powers might not impact the daily life of the humankind. However, there’s a twist and if there wasn’t a twist, it would be too mundane. The twist, the event that changed everything, the turning point in history that ushered the new era was now collectively known as... The Bestowal.
On the day of The Bestowal, every single sentient creature on Atera felt a rumble. Large cracks and craters appeared out of nowhere all over the world. Out of the cracks, a bright light shone through as strange creatures emerged. It wasn’t just mysterious creatures that appeared. Temples with an ominous aura arose along with the creatures. Their oppressive air quickly covered the world within mere seconds, and no one understood what had happened to their world, their beloved home, their sacred planet.
These profound creatures had markings all over them and similarly, the temples themselves had engravings matching with the creatures’. Everyone was awestruck by what had happened. No one had an answer to what had transpired, nor did anyone fathom that their beloved home would go through the most perilous time. The Bestowal brought what we now know as the Cataclysmic Era, successfully ending the Prosperous Era of humanity. Once the Cataclysmic Era came into existence - the kings of the land, the human race, no longer resided on top of the food chain.
These creatures launched a global attack on villages, towns and cities, leaving nothing in their path of destruction. Thus sending the world into an upheaval. In which the fall of the once glorious race known as humanity ensued. Countries fell and cities were no more, yet the will to live, the will to dominate and the will to once again stand at the top of the world was never extinguished from the people. Despite facing absolute despair and losing their home, these people never lost the sight of their goal, the revival of humanity. One hundred days into the Cataclysm Era, the temples rumbled once more, but this time it seemed like the temples were the saviours for humanity instead of their end. Light once again emitted from the temples, covering the world and what was left of humanity underwent a massive change.
The light was the birth of humanity’s hope in what was now a world of despair. The light changed the physique of all people around the world. They first felt the warmth spreading all over their body and soon came the sensation of ecstasy as the unknown power nourished their body. Suddenly, silky threads wrapped around them, forming cocoons and they experienced a mystifying change within it.
From the tips of their toes to the hairs on their head, nothing left unchanged as they underwent one of the biggest evolutions in the history of the Human Kind. One of the most noticeable changes to the naked eyes were the hair colours of the people. Black was no longer the most common colour. In fact, black had completely disappeared in both hair colour and eye colour of humans. In its disappearance, a myriad of colours came as its replacement: crimson, azure, violet, jade, amber and many more.
Within the impenetrable cocoons, the people fell into a deep slumber without a clue how long the transformation would last, nor what would be the outcome of their changes. In the end, they slept for hundreds of years inside the cocoons. Upon waking up, what they saw was a brand-new world. Lost were the metropolitan cities, replaced by a world where nature and beast had taken over.
Even ruins of cities and towns were a rare sight with most of humanity’s history reduced down to nothing. They lost their history, nothing remained to represent the humans of the past. Their bodies were no longer the same, their creations were no longer here, and their homes - gone forever. The only thing left for them was the new profound changes that gave them limitless potential in this new cruel world.
A miracle was that in their century of slumber, not even one of them had aged. Instead, the old have regained their youth while the youths have gained power beyond comprehension. Impossible things were now possible.
In return of losing a century in slumber, they were genetically changed forever to adapt to this new world. What brought all this change, who was behind of it all and where would the future of Atera lies? No one had an answer. The beasts continued to roam Atera, wreaking havoc in their path while the humans faced an unknown world with their new promising powers.
The birth of the vicious creatures, the appearance of the mystical temples and the evolution of the human kind. This was the Bestowal. From this moment forward, Atera was forever altered.
Disclaimer: These are all suggestions, I'm not trying to correct your writing. Apologies if I seem rude.
"From the tips of their toes to the hairs on their head, nothing left unchanged as they underwent one of the biggest evolutions in the history of the Human Kind."
I think a "was" between "nothing" and "left" would make this sentence better.
"One of the most noticeable changes to the naked eyes were the hair colours of the people, black was no longer the most common colour."
I feel like a period would work better than a comma here.
"what they saw was a brand-new world, lost were the metropolitan cities and instead was a world where nature and beast had taken over."
to:
"what they saw was a brand-new world. Lost were the metropolitan cities, replaced by a world where nature and beast had taken over."
"Even ruins of cities and town were"
town to towns
"They lost their history, nothing remained to represent the humans of the past."
Period instead of comma.
Thank you for the feedback. I'll amend it when I have the time.
Stars… it reminds me a lot of the stars of destiny from Suikoden. Interesting…
I like the opening. It kind of ushers you like the start of a legend.
“What power might a star have, I hear you ask?” This line was a bit jarring for me. It kind of broke the immersion since it suddenly shifted POV. I’d make it like, “What power might a star have, one might wonder?” That’s just personal taste though.
…Darn it, you switched to first person. I preferred the previous part where it was like a high-pan narration.
“Everyone was awestruck by what had happened, no one had an answer for what had transpired, nor did anyone fathom that their beloved home would go through the most perilous time.” -> I think this would flow better like “Everyone was awestruck by what happened. No one had an answer for what had transpired, nor did anyone fathom that their beloved home would go through the most perilous time.”
“…the human race was no more top of the food chain…” -> Do you mean something like “the human race was no longer top of the food chain”
“…the will to once again stand at the top of the world never distinguished from the people.” -> Do you mean something like “the will to once again stand at the top of the world was never extinguished from the people?”
…There are a bit more than that, but they basically just a few mistaken word choices and slightly improper comma placement. Sentence structure is a bit awkward at times with a few words mixed up, but overall I really like it.
Your writing gives off a very… poetic? I suppose, feel to it. It’s not concrete, but it gives off a high-sweeping view like someone telling a legend. Kind of like old JRPG openings? It’s neat.
Keep up the good work!
This mystical unexplained events thing doesn't sit well with me ever.
Everything must have an explanation or if it doesn't then you can't în good conscience put it in the story.
Plus if humanity ruled the earth even after hundreds of years of decay there should still be enough remains of the old technology to piece it back together if someone is willing.
And there will always be a few historically minded people who think recovering the old to build the new is faster than starting fron zero.
Past wisdom can help future progress after all.
Everything will be explained as the story continue and unfolds.
And during their slumber, everything was destroyed
This sentence “Once the kings of the land, the human race, was no longer top of the food chain once the Cataclysmic Era came into existence.” Might be better written as “The beginning of the Cataclysmic Era signalled a fall from grace, once kings of the land, the human race no longer presided at the top of the food chain.”
I hope this suggestion is helpful but, if not, please feel free to ignore it.
I ended up changing it to "Once the Cataclysmic Era came into existence - the kings of the land, the human race, no longer resided on top of the food chain." Thank you for your suggestion though, it definitely helped
These creatures launched a global attack on villages, towns and cities. Leaving nothing in their path of destruction and sending the world into an upheaval. In which the fall of the once glorious race known as humanity ensued.
I think this would work better as:
These creatures launched a global attack on villages, towns, and cities, leaving nothing in their path but destruction and sending the world into an upheaval. The fall of the once glorious race known as humanity ensued.
A good job!
Oh no... forest beat me