Lexyna

Emotions, emotions, emotions! I'm really excited about this chapter, so let me know what you think and as always, thanks to Zea for the editing!

Elinora

A soft tap on my shoulder woke me to my mom announcing that we arrived to Alos at last. Trying to shrug the drowsiness off off me, I noticed Arine was still fast asleep, with her body against mine. My attempts at getting up were all in vain, as every time I tried to move or push Arine’s arm away, she would just drag me back into bed and tighten her grip on me. This got a chuckle out of mom and for maybe the first time in a while, I could forget what Jenna did to me and just enjoy the moment.

Of course, this feeling couldn’t last. As soon as we stepped foot into the city, I couldn't decide what I found more gross, the way my body felt and moved, or the feeling of having slept for hours in street clothes. Not to mention that fact I wore them for over twenty-four hours now, and don't get me started on all the people I noticed starring. Rationally my mind was telling me their stares weren’t directed at me, we looked like we just left a battlefield after all, but I couldn’t help it. It was like all eyes were fixated on me.

I wasn’t the only one to be distracted by my emotions however, as I noticed Arine became very quiet, even quieter than usual once we left the ship. I couldn't blame her, I still remember vividly how Kate told me what happened to her and the whole mess afterwards. I wondered if I even had a right to complain about my situation compared to her. Sure, it felt like shit, but at least I had my family still. The same couldn’t be said for Arine and it was still unclear if she would see them ever again.

The closer we got to the academy, the harder it became for me to keep up with the others. At some point, I even lost track of them and Lyn had to rush back to get me. It was then that I knew I couldn’t go back into the dorm. Sure, my friends probably wouldn’t mind, maybe even some of the other girls would understand but I wasn't comfortable with that. No matter how well they might take it, I wouldn't want them to see me like this. It was already torture enough that Kate, Lyn, Riley, Emily, and most of all Arine had to see me like this. But if the whole academy knew? Yeah, that’d kill me.

Lyn informed mom about my current emotional state and she agreed that I could stay with her for a while. Hearing that I wasn’t going back to the academy, at least for now, Arine insisted on staying by my side. She played it really well but I knew her well enough to know that she also wasn’t ready to face that place again.

Back in mom’s house, she made us three a pot of tea and began asking Arine questions about what had happened. Not only about Jenna and Jared but also on campus. She wasn’t quite comfortable to talk about it but was able to tell mom what she needed to hear nonetheless. 

Afterward, Mom showed Arine the guest room while I would sleep in mom’s bedroom again. She excused herself, there was still stuff she had to discuss with Mr. Sirus and Olaf and Arine vanished in the kitchen again.

I hadn’t had the energy to follow her and I know it sounds mean but I really didn't want to talk to her right now. I wouldn’t even know what to talk about, all I was capable of at the moment was basking in my own misery. Upon entering mom’s bedroom there was a sight that instantly crushed my soul. It was the portrait of mom, of that happy girl that looked so much like me, I couldn't take it. The first thing I did was take the portrait down and put it in a small storeroom where it hopefully wouldn't remind me of all the things that hurt so much.

With that out the way, I put my clothes away and crawled into bed, hoping to never wake up again. I contemplated putting on a pajama for a moment but discarded the thought immediately, nothing that fit me as Eli would fit me now…

I awoke later to someone putting something soft and plushy next to me. I waited for them to leave again and after hearing the clicking sound I opened my eyes, scanning the room to be sure I was alone again. Looking at what was next to me, I instantly knew what Arine was doing in the kitchen and I couldn't hold back the tears. She had cleaned her shallofin plush which was currently securely tucked next to me, begging me to hug it. Knowing how much this meant for Arine, it was the first time I realized it. The special connection I felt with her was more than that. I loved her, more than I had loved anyone ever before and I spent the rest of the day bawling my eyes out until exhaustion drifted me to sleep because I knew she would never be able to love me the way I was now. 

The next few days reminded me of my old life. I spent most of time in bed and reading some of the books mom had lying around, trying to escape the reality I was a prisoner in again. I also tried to avoid Arine as much as possible. Not only my own feelings made it hard to look at her, but I also got extremely jealous. She got to keep her magic and her body while I was here just rotting away. But thinking like that was wrong and I knew that well enough. Arine didn’t choose this and it wasn't her fault that my stupidity brought me in this situation, still, I couldn't help the way I felt and so we only exchanged a few spare words each day.

After the second day she also attended class again, she wasn't sure if she could handle it at first, but since Lyn and the others made sure to keep Arine safe, she was able to overcome herself and returned to a mostly normal schedule. Which turned out to be one more thing I was jealous of. Why couldn’t I be as strong as Arine? She was here tackling all her problems and staying by my side, making sure I wasn't doing anything stupid and all I did was laying around in bed, hoping some kind of cosmic might would relieve me from my pain.

So my mood wasn’t the best and it started to affect the people around me. When I heard Arine enter, a look at her face told me all I needed to know. She was finally sick of my self-pity and would end our friendship if it could even be described as that anymore.

“Eli, we need to talk.” There wasn’t much to talk about, I knew where this was going. Staring at the ground I waited for her to break my heart already.

“I know you’re not feeling well and you won’t probably agree to this, but this evening the spirit fest is held, and I wanted to ask you if you’d like to go together?”

It took me some time to realize what had happened. The terrible heartache I was expecting never came, instead, I could just look at her baffled. Did this really just happen?

“You know, you’re pretty cute with this dumb look on your face. You still look a hell lot like your mom.” I was still speechless, my brain wouldn't process what just happened.

“You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I thought something to take your mind off this, ” she gestured to my body, “would maybe help your mood a little?”

“Uhm, okay.” The way she smiled at me once I agreed made my heart hurt even more. How could I have ever thought she would abandon me like that? Arine wasn’t like that and I should have known better. I was a bad friend and someday, I would make it up to Arine.

After her invitation, I felt a lot better about myself. Not great, but I wasn’t hiding like a hermit anymore and I could tell it also raised Arine’s spirit too. Together we waited for mom to return and in the meantime, Arine told me all I need to know about the spirit fest.

Apparently, it was a big event that happened once every three years. Spirits from all over the world would lay their eggs down onto the spirit meadow, a special place that was also one of the sources for magic in this world, where all new spirits would be born on the same day. While it was mostly impossible for people to see spirits, with the exception of summoners like I once was, the spirit meadow contained so much condensed magic that even ordinary people could see them. That might have also been the reason this event was so big, it wasn’t every day you saw a spirit, not even for mages. 

To be honest, it really sounded like something amazing that I had to watch, but at the same time, I was very worried about it. I used to have a connection to the spirit world after all and still vividly remember how amazing it felt to have a connection with them. I worried what it would do to my mind, knowing I was surrounded by hundreds of spirits only to feel nothing, only to be reminded again of the things Jenna took away from me.

With my mom returning that evening, we all started to get ready for the trip. Well mom, Ida, and Arine did. I just took something that seemed to fit and wouldn't look too bad on me. It turned out to be quite challenging but, ultimately I found jeans and a simple t-shirt that would do the trick.

Back in the kitchen, mom, Ida and Arine waited for me, we would meet the others later at the port but once my eyes fell on Arine, my heart skipped a beat. Arine was wearing a knee-length black dress covered in red rose petals with matching black shoes and a small heel. Upon seeing me, she did a quick twist, “What do you say, how do I look?”

Thinking about it, it had to be the first time I saw her in anything other than the school uniform and it took my all to not break down weeping. How could I love her so much and simultaneously want to be so far away from her? “I asked your mom if she had anything I could wear and well,” she gestured down to her dress, “what do you think?”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” I managed to get out before storming back up and locking myself in the bathroom. It didn’t take long until a knock on the door alerted me to someone else’s presence.

“Can I come in?” There was a short pause before she spoke again, “Can we talk?”

The turmoil inside me became unbearable. I wanted nothing more than for her to hold me, to hug like I was the most important person in the world and yet, another part of me screamed at me to run, to never look back and get as far away from her as possible. But running away wouldn't fix any of my problems and so I forced myself to open the door before sliding down the bathroom wall again.

She set herself next to me on the cold bathroom floor and gave me the most intense hug I had ever received. It felt so nice being close to her but I wasn't sure how much longer I could live like this. It wasn’t the first time in the last couple days that I felt like this but after seeing Arine, being happy and herself only amped my emotions up by a lot. “Eli… I’m so so sorry. I should have known better how it would make you feel.”

Of course, she instantly knew what was up. She wasn't stupid after all and admittedly, I did a pretty terrible job at hiding my emotions. “I can change if you want, we c..” she was about to stand up when I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down into a hug.

“No.” There was a heavenly pause between us. No one said a word, I felt her breath in my neck and I wished this moment could have lasted forever. “You shouldn’t have to deal with my stupid problems.”

“Your problems aren’t stupid, don’t say that.” The way she whispered into my ear, it drove tears to my eyes, “I know how hard it can be, maybe more than anyone else.” She broke the hug and made me look up into her eyes, “I hate seeing you like this and if it makes you feel better, I will change into something you're more comfortable with.” Why did her stupid heterochromatic eyes have to be so beautiful? It became so hard to look at her and impossible to ignore the aching in my heart.

“No, I think you’re really pretty, and...” and there were so many more things that I wanted to tell you but I am never able to, “please don’t go.”

“I won’t.” She took my hand and I rested my head on her shoulder. When I calmed down enough, we barely had time left before our ship would depart.

“Hurry up you two, we’re already late.” Ida urged us.

By the time we arrived at the port, the others were already impatiently waiting for us and Kat greeted us with a raised eyebrow but didn't say anything. At noticing my discomfort, Arine squeezed my hand, “Don’t let her teasing get to you.” Yeah, teasing…

The flight(?) I guess, took us about three hours and Arine didn't once let go of my hand. I knew she cared, but I didn’t think she was that serious when I asked her to not leave my side. It was honestly kind of cute and made me fall even harder for her. We arrived shortly before midnight and the spirit meadow was filled to the brim with people. In fact, there were so many people it was hard to see the meadows at all.

“So how are we going to see anything if there are that many people?” Lyn asked from behind us to which Arine only shook her head.

“Oh don’t worry, ” Ida chimed in, “once the event begins, you’ll see.”

Everywhere, people were happily chatting away, many booths were set up and I even saw a few couples who were obviously on a date. I stole a quick glance at Arine who was currently occupied checking out all the different goods that were offered and discarded when they thought again. It would never work.

Our group split up and Arine dragged me to a booth that sold certain kinds of plush sharks. She definitely had developed an infatuation about those things, but after I experienced first hand how good it felt to cuddle them, I couldn't hold it against her.

A stiff breeze and the sky changing into a dark purple was our sign to meet with the others again. Besides mom and Ida, who wouldn’t tell us anything, no one really knew what to expect. All around us were people. It was hard to believe we would see anything from this magical event. I was starting to lose hope when the first people started to ‘Ohh’ in awe and we still couldn’t see anything, when a giant road into the sky started to form. 

As soon as we saw it, all our eyes were fixated on it. The road was covered with thousands of small eggs, all glowing in different colors and slowly the first few cracked. Soon, dozens of spirits were flying down onto the meadow, plant spirits, fish spirits, cat spirits and many, many more started to dance around the people before disappearing into the sky, in search of their new home. Near the end of the spectacle, a small fox spirit, cobra in ghost leaves? took an interest in Arine and I. It began to run in circles around us and even let Arine pet it once. She tried to get rid of the leaves but they seemed to be attached to his body. And just like that, he jumped onto my shoulder and gave me a head butt before he also disappeared into the night.

I wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell me something but since I had lost my magic, I couldn't understand him anyway. Arine and I bid him farewell together and we headed back to the port. There was already a sizable queue and about thirteen ships lined up to take us all back.

We decided that since it would take a while for everyone to board the ships, we would chill a bit in the meadow now that most people were gone. We basked in the moonlight and for once, I completely forgot about my miserable situation. I was just happy to enjoy this moment with my friends and family when Arine urged me to a remote spot.

“Be right back, there’s something I have to discuss with Eli.” She called out to the other.

When she was sure no one could hear us, she let go of my hand for the first time this evening, and her face became serious. “Eli, there’s something I have to tell you.” My heart was racing, was this what I thought it would be? Could it really happen? “I thought about this for a while now and...” I braced myself for her next few words. Three words would be all it takes to elevate my world. The tension was killing me.

“I think I know how to get your body back.” The words never came, and for the briefest of moments, I thought I felt an aching in my heart again before realizing what she had said.

“Wait, you… you know how to get my body back?!” Suddenly, my feelings for her became secondary. All, I would give my everything to be Eli again, “how?”

“Well, you’re the priestess of Zall’s aren’t you? Maybe you could ask her to give you your body.”

“But the connection to Zalla was hundreds of… wait. How did you know about Zalla? Did mom tell you?”

“No, Jenna did when she captured me. After what she did to you, she told me everything.”

I felt bad for not telling her. I firmly made the decision to tell her someday but I had never found the right opportunity. Of course, after Arine disappeared, I was too occupied with my own problems to even think about it. “I’m sorry, I should have told you.” Just one more thing to add to the list of things I handled miserably.

“I’m not mad, I would have done the same.“ She took both of my hand into hers made me look up again, “you were only trying to protect me, but that’s not what I want to talk to you about.” In an instant, her face became dead serious again, “I think I know how to activate Zalla’s connection.”