From the endless Primordial Chaos, three Gods were born.
They eventually grew bored of the emptiness and decided to fill it with stars and worlds inhabited by mortals, and they were pleased.
Giving some of those mortals the opportunity to ascend to Lesser Divinity by specializing into a particular concept, they entrusted to them the mission to keep creating more worlds, and more mortals.
And thus, was born the Great Game of Creation.
Lilith, Goddess of Conquest, Lust and Domination, would be one of the Lesser Deities participating in the next Great Game. She only needed to select a few Champions to send to the worlds she would give birth to, where their actions would serve as entertainment and allow for bets between the watching gods.
And fate delivered a candidate to her very doorstep.
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About this series:
It is a wish-fulfilment fanfic, but avoid the worst mistakes of the genre.
No, the protagonist won't receive absurd powers at the very start for the sole merit of breathing or being 'lucky'. He will start will only a minor heal on a long cooldown, and will have to train like a maniac and drop sweat and blood to get ahead. It will take him months to become significantly above average, and years to become the strongest.
No, girls won't fawn over him just because of his pretty face. Things will be more realistic and transactional at first.
The protagonist is benevolent, but also ruthless, and will often use underhanded methods to get what he wants. Or should I say, who he wants.
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English isn't my first language. I hope this will still be readable enough not to be uncomfortable for you readers, and I welcome constructive criticiscm.
Tags: No Yaoi or Futa, but there will be a smattering of Yuri, especially in the third arc. There will be BDSM, a lot. A variety of kinks will be explored, but you can expect plenty of bondage, latex and pet play. If you dislike those, this one may not be for you.
Cover by Tim Gibbons. I will replace it upon request.
40 chapter 2/5. quit.
I was bored. And boring works are better only than those works that cause disgust. I was also much more tired than usual, and this has always been a symptom of bad work, since negative emotions personally make me tired faster (and probably anyone else too). Chapter 40 is the end of world 1, but... I simply have no desire to read further.
Very poor final execution of the SAO world. All things considered, this was probably a bad option to begin with. In the original, time skips were a bit of a problem, but they were well covered up with little things, and in the anime they were not noticeable at all.
A good start with interesting details, but then... Constant timeskips, lack of creating intimacy with the characters, lack of normal fight scenes (which is the main attraction of SAO)... All the momentum of a good start was simply drained through a pipe into the void... This just disappointing.
Perhaps the beginning of the failure was Asuna, the choice of solution was pragmatic, but... it was also the first boring moment, one might even say a lazy moment from the author.
Then the collar (a very lazy moment from the author) and bondage (the same breasts are not a plus, but a minus for a harem)... And then Pokemon (meeting, several chapters, caught, training skipped, everything is ok)...
I'll go through the list of errors.
1 error
The reader's empathy for the characters was not created, as unnecessary timeskips ruined any closeness the readers had with the characters.
Instead of readers going through significant moments of their existence with the characters or just details of their life and everyday life... It was: Nothing. Just a pass.
As a result, instead of a plot, there is a list of events; and instead of characters there are cardboard boxes. Even the protagonist somehow lost his colors. And this is generally rare. (And by the way, at the start he really played perfectly: he did what needed to be done successfully and tastefully. And then his personality was pulled out and replaced with cardboard.)
2 error
Modifications of mind and body have always been a dangerous path in relation to the harem. It's too easy to go overboard and make everyone look the same. The author decided to try, and screwed up.
Honestly, I didn't understand the author's thinking that the s*x scenes would quickly become boring. But if in the author’s thinking he constantly makes girls identical to each other, using even identical methods of seduction... The result is obvious, alas.
(Identical seduction methods are not even canon, since his second main goal is to be a theater actor)
3 error
Fine. The author decided to play harshly, but where are the colors of this harshness? Even chapters that cause disgust can be played out in such a way that they only add color and make the work more vibrant.
Again it ends up empty.
Honestly, even this thinking has a problem. You want to get points, okay... But are you okay with losing half of those points just out of disgust at having to do it yourself? To be honest, this is not pragmatic thinking, but none at all. Moreover, the method is also boring.
In general, this whole moment seems to have been written just to be written, but has no semantic or emotional value for anyone, including the author.
4 error
Okay... You're writing for the story... Where is it? It's not there, it's just not there. Just like: No humor. No eroticism. No action. The first 10 chapters were normal, and then either you slipped or hidden problems just started to appear.
There is a hook, no line and sinker. Disappointment.
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Keep in mind of course that I am not deep into the story, but this is not a strong start and it is honestly enough to put me off.
As the summary says, it reeks of wish fulfillment. Unlike what the summary says though, it doesn't seem to avoid the errors of similar stories, particularly with regards to the MC. It's your standard "ruthless but kind, cautious but brave, smart, etc" character that infests every other story of its ilk. Plus, despite being supposedly kind, jumps to rape pretty quickly. The MC isn't remotely likable.
The way the author writes is sufficient enough technically for someone whose first language isn't English, but it reads rather juvenile; almost to the point of being Chuunibyou-esque. Partly due to this, the setting for the story feels very hand-wavy and not all that thought out, which made it generally off-putting to read. It seems like the kind of story that won't stand on it's own without being propped up by the other works it is pulling from.
The author also seems to have an odd idea of what makes a morally gray character vs a morally evil character; which makes me have doubts for future characterizations moving forward.
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There are alot of good things here, the MC has to be one of the best for harem fanfics ive read so far. The pacing of done pretty good. The grammar is not perfect but absolutely still readable. The story itself is above average for fanfics.
The parts I think need a bit of work would mainly be the smut itself. Its not terrible or cringy but its also not great. For how much this story focuses on it, I think the author should do more research on how to write better smut scenes. At first thought it was due to the BDSM aspect but after re-reading it, its more that the way its written does not give a good visual image to the reader to immerse themselves in the moment. Other times the scene is so brief you barely have time to react before it moves on.
Gave it 5/5 as I will definitely keep an eye on this and look forward to more chapters.
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The story is an interesting take on the concept of moving between worlds, their origin and existence and how the MC handles the challenges before him. The beginning effectively establishes the MC Noah as a character - a persistent person who knows his worth and his goals.I want to watch him grow stronger and observe his actions that prove him to be a smart character who fights with his mind and knows how to manage people.
The hook that made me take a look into the story was the anime goddess. The cover differentiates itself from other novels from the get go. Her long red hair that grabs attention is a contrast to her black armour and the pair of her pair of two round, massive... eyes. A short and simple title is also eye-catching.
One of the good points of the story I noticed is how the Noah influences the world around him to his advantage while simultaneously starting as a rather normal player. The yin yang mechanic enriches the character progression from basic in-game skills and makes him make morally questionable choices. Although I'm no fan of the trope of harem and Noah's vision for the female characters I like the mechanic behind the ladder is quite fascinating.
Although I think the pacing is slow, it allows the reader to see the world from Noah's perspective with all details of his daily life and the influence on the original SAO story. Maybe some things are unnecessary. It's also great to see the characters have their development or serve some purpose. I hope they'll have autonomy outside of the bedroom. Although I'm no fan of the trope of harem and Noah's vision for the female characters I like the mechanic behind the ladder is quite interesting.
For now I cannot think of any major flaws with the story. I think it shows what I should take into account for my web novels. Great work, greater effort and I'll keep reading.
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Dropping unfortunately. Like the story but don’t like it when a the MC had someone above him constant threatening and watching their actions. She will always be watching him, always be above him, and even if she’s a good master (goddess) she is still his master.
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The characterization is all over the place. The MC is written like a confused trainwreck. He wants to be sweet but also a manipulative rapey kidnapper but can't find the right balance so he's all over the place instead, and it shows in both his actions and interactions with others. He doesn't know when to act sweet or manipulative and just goes on with it based on his whims, which makes the interactions confusing as his treatment with his "collections" varies a lot, in a bad way, like a bipolar-schizo patient.
I can't even treat the girls as his lovers or whatever as they are just "collections" plain and simple. Why? Because the developments are skipped most of the time, it just happened in the background and you're just brought up to speed with something almost like "They're his girls now, it happened during the timeskip, they like their position and situation now. Don't like it? Deal with it."
Only development of note is with Asuna, but even then, it was all over the place that you'll have to turn off your brain and just accept that things happened. Mostly due to the OP brainwashing slave collar than the MC's actual efforts.
I seriously don't know what's even the point of this story now. You can't even consider this a smut since even the "fun stuffs" mostly happen in the background too, and even when they do happen, you can't expect anything very substantial or descriptive that it may as well be fade-to-black. With all the timeskips, even those are skipped too, so what's the point?
The story-telling isn't really good either. Similar to the "relationship development", if you can even call it that, most of them happened in the background during timeskips. I get what the author was saying that he doesn't want to write repetitive stuffs, but at this point, there's hardly any interesting content for the readers to read in the first place.
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I love the story so far. Excited to see where it goes. I just wish some of the s*x scenes went into more detail. But then again maybe I'm just used to reading books where the scenes were more detailed. I'm not complaining btw just wish they were longer lol
And side note. Hear me out here. Mitsuru kiriji in the harem in some way
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So far, this story is really good. It's written very well and has engaging world building.
There's not a ton to go off of yet, but there's already been a few points in the story where the author takes a generic trope and twists it in an interesting way.
I'll definitely be following along with this story, and I'm excited to see where it goes!
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