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51k Views 1190 Favorites 57 Chapters 15 Chapters/Week 530 Readers
4.5 (64 ratings)
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      New Aralunai
      Status: 2.25.5 – celebration!
      May 25, 2020

      I won’t give it a five because it’s not perfect but I will say that it has kept me entertained and is an exciting read the MC personality is bubbly and rubs off on you in all the right ways the world building is not perfect but gives you enough information that you understand what is going on and no new maps are needed as it takes place on earth it is your typical superhero story so not much needs to be said about that either anybody who has watched or read any popular superhero story will understand what is going on right away what can I say it’s enjoyable and definitely worth your time reading

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      New Corscientia
      Status: c2.11
      May 25, 2020

      TL;DR: Not recommended/ Needs extensive edits

      Let me first preface this by saying that, I have read the authors notes and realise this fiction hasn't been edited or proofread. Furthermore, I do realise this is a passion project and that the author is putting quite a lot of effort into this fiction.

      However, this doesn't excuse the numerous flaws of this fiction which make it extremely hard and at times downright annoying to read. I hope this breakdown of its flaws helps not only potential readers but the author as well.

      1. Confusing dialogue

      This might be the most noticeable and off-putting problem. The dialogue is structured in a manner that makes it difficult to determine the speaker. This is further compounded by the author's clunky transition style, which is quite jarring at times. Finally, the tone the characters take seems to consistently shift without cause, even during the same conversation.

      2. The lack of consistency, logic and believability

      This section probably should have been split into a few parts to adress it fully. However, its genreally the same problem of the plot driving the chracters and not the other way around. A few examples would be

         1.) The unbelievable naivety of Leona

         2.) The ineptness of ostensibly professional individuals. The gang, police, etc)

         3.) Finally, this might be a personal thing but the court scene with Leona's father bothered me. The language used by the judge was especially hard to read.

      In essence, this problem stems from the author trying to shoehorn in items for the sake of plot progression at the cost of logical consistency and believability.

      There are a few ways to fix this problem

         1.) Extensively flush out the character's goals, personality and quirks. And allow them to play the story out. This is generally the approach taken by long serials. It gives the author much less after the fact control over the plot, as an outcome change would require a situation that is crafted to affect the character while being consistent and not coming across as a plot device.

      2.) Another option would be to create a detailed plan going in reverse order from the ending. This requires much more prep work but makes writing much easier and if executed well creates a piece of content that is extremely satisfying to read.

      I do have a few more flaws to write, but as I'm currently short on time I'll edit in more later.

      One final pont I want to stress is, I don't hate this fiction. I probably would have liked it a few years ago. This means I'll probably stick around to see how it progresses and if some of the points I made prior improves in the future I'll be sure to edit this review as well.

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      Status: 17.5 – announcement
      May 14, 2020

      Great story so far, though the current arc is primarily setup for later forays into that superpowered goodness some of you might be expecting.
      If the tags caught your eye at all, then I'd suggest reading - it's certainly worth it!

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      Status: 2.21 - Into the Society
      May 14, 2020

      this is a very cute and very thought out story
      I don't know why people give this story 1 star, maybe its authors who are trying to bring book down from 1st place  so they get their story past this and get more readers which is very childish and rude.

      Thank you  Rellawing for making a wonderful story

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