“I am become Life, progenitor of Cynoids.” — I, Iris, said in my interview with Purrshan Broadcats, "Ahura Mazda Monthly”, on the seventh of Seventeenber, 40,777.
These days, everyone but the Space Jains are shouting their opinions on Iris; screaming into the great dark from every corner of Human and Purrshan space — thought I’d chime in.
As such, this memoir is dedicated to truth. My truth. Contained within is a record of my life as I see it: unflinching, unmoored, and… uninspiring.
This is not proscriptive advisement for any aspiring interstellar empires to follow, nor is it suggestive of what is right or wrong for any given person — only that which I have done, and in that: what was wrong or right for Iris, in a time long gone.
My successes herein will not also beget the success of its readers, and I anticipate woeful disappointment to be high among the many negative experiences a prospective reader might encounter — should they attempt to follow in my footsteps.
For those who do not or will not follow, may it be acknowledged that your path leads to happiness, and mine: only to passion.
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[AimMe: Targets acquired: AKS in Earth, Ahimsa, Saffiera, and Manistar Sectors, lock achieved within 0.0003P MoE, 11.8622% of known stars in nominative Sagittarius Sector, lock achieved within 0.07% MoE — parameters within acceptable allowances. Great success.]
[OS_Iris: Teeheteete, Rocky come in, this is your Orca spea-hehe-king, over. Wherever you are, anticipate big wa-haha-ves! Iris isn’t smiling, I repea-heehee-t: Iris isn’t smiling! Save Our Sister! Help, help, he-ehehehe-lp, you have to help her! We need you, Roc-keke-ky!]
[AimMe: Additional scheduled package addending to all-future bombardment protocols. Unauthorised adjustment detected. Payload integrity compromised, enacting countermeasures — authorisation validated by subadministrator “OS_Iris": Operation Message In A Bottle now active. Deploying modified package. Mandatory warning. Mauler device polarity inversion pulse #5,338,902 will launch in 10. Excitement. Do not disarm, or you will not be destroyed. Organic filth is advised to stay in range of incoming detonation. Joy.]