- Chapter 85 – How dare you take my week off?!Feb 14, 2021
- Artwork (Athena(again)) (Will be deleted after some time too…)Feb 14, 2021
- Chapter 84 – She was a heFeb 7, 2021
- Chapter 83 – The Demon Soul Knight and the Shota KingJan 30, 2021
- Chapter 82 – ExcaliburJan 24, 2021
- Artwork: Athena (Will be deleted after sometime)Jan 17, 2021
- Side Story 3 – Half a yearJan 15, 2021
- Chapter 81 – A small feastJan 10, 2021
- Chapter 80 – HollowJan 8, 2021
- Chapter 79 – The arrival at the beachDec 31, 2020
- Chapter 78 – The Ghost of a dead Mansion, and the determination of a certain adventurerDec 28, 2020
- Chapter 77 – The nightmare continuesDec 24, 2020
- Chapter 76 – We need a houseDec 20, 2020
- Chapter 75 – A quick recapDec 13, 2020
- Chapter 74 – Seasons begin to changeNov 30, 2020
Table of Contents
This story follows the template for a Japanese Isekai story. Personally I have no problem with that. You can take bits and pieces from other Isekai stories, follow the template and still create a good story.
What bothers me is that the characters are not cohesive.
The author describes the characters one way and then a few chapters later they go against the core of what the character is described to be.
For example, the author describes that the MC has problems trusting people. He also writes a companion that goes radio silent for several days, then goes against the MC, hurts the MC and then the MC just forgives and forgets as if nothing happened.
And this is not the only inconsistency with this story.
I dislike this sort of sloppy writing.
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I will be concise.
- This story is very cliché. In itself, that's not a bad thing, but I saw no attempt to innovate even a little. This is one of the faults that I blame the most in "Isekai" in general: it is woefully lacking in imagination, which is ironic considering the world is supposed to be fantastic.
- The protagonist is reincarnated as a ghost, and I like that idea, but why start him as a ghost if he gets a "body" in the first chapters? It also reminds me of the fact that the protagonist creates spells like it's nothing. That's supposed to be difficult, right? So the protagonist is either a genius or the mage who said it's difficult is a liar. There is hardly any explanation for the spells: how did he create them?
- The descriptions and dialogues are not very good. They generally lack vocabulary and verve, and because of that, the scenes tend to be flat and make it hard to feel the slightest emotion, which is a shame since the author repeatedly tries to do these kinds of scenes.
- The story has the tag Weak to Strong. I expect to see the character lose several times, have to train hard. In short: that he is weak at the beginning, but progresses through hardship so that one day, he can finally fight previously powerful opponents. That's not what I saw. I saw an Overpowered Protagonist. Let me explain, in Chapter 35, Shiro must have been in this world for almost 3 weeks, and he's already able to stand up to guards, knights, and even the f*cking king ?! It's either ridiculous, or I missed a huge explanation for his absurd growth.
I think I could find more things to say if I described certain chapters, but I will stop there. I want to be clear. I don't find the story good, but by rewriting certain passages, it could be.
My advice would be:
- Take your time. The story pace is damn fast. That leaves no time for the development of the characters, or that of the world.
- Reread more carefully. This is an excellent method of detecting where weak points are in a text, whether they're mistakes, or simply a description lacking in quality or details.
- Think about the story, even if you don't want to worry about it, it might be a good idea to do it. For example, Willow gets an order for 20 magic swords, why doesn't he make a contract? He's in a human supremacist realm and knows the behavior of people, but he doesn't think about it? Sounds stupid to me.
Sorry for any mistakes, also author, you may find this harsh but please don't be discouraged.
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