A 15 year old boy found himself in the middle of a school field trip. He was your normal everyday student, one among many you could find anywhere. Maybe some things about him weren't exactly like your average everyday student, he was a weeb or something once called an otaku.
During the school field trip there was an accident, the bus crashed and rolled down a hill and ending up ending the lives of twenty students, and among all twenty students one didn't reincarnate, and instead was sent into another world as a spirit.
Themes:
* Reincarnated as an X (Spirit)
I will be concise.
- This story is very cliché. In itself, that's not a bad thing, but I saw no attempt to innovate even a little. This is one of the faults that I blame the most in "Isekai" in general: it is woefully lacking in imagination, which is ironic considering the world is supposed to be fantastic.
- The protagonist is reincarnated as a ghost, and I like that idea, but why start him as a ghost if he gets a "body" in the first chapters? It also reminds me of the fact that the protagonist creates spells like it's nothing. That's supposed to be difficult, right? So the protagonist is either a genius or the mage who said it's difficult is a liar. There is hardly any explanation for the spells: how did he create them?
- The descriptions and dialogues are not very good. They generally lack vocabulary and verve, and because of that, the scenes tend to be flat and make it hard to feel the slightest emotion, which is a shame since the author repeatedly tries to do these kinds of scenes.
- The story has the tag Weak to Strong. I expect to see the character lose several times, have to train hard. In short: that he is weak at the beginning, but progresses through hardship so that one day, he can finally fight previously powerful opponents. That's not what I saw. I saw an Overpowered Protagonist. Let me explain, in Chapter 35, Shiro must have been in this world for almost 3 weeks, and he's already able to stand up to guards, knights, and even the f*cking king ?! It's either ridiculous, or I missed a huge explanation for his absurd growth.
I think I could find more things to say if I described certain chapters, but I will stop there. I want to be clear. I don't find the story good, but by rewriting certain passages, it could be.
My advice would be:
- Take your time. The story pace is damn fast. That leaves no time for the development of the characters, or that of the world.
- Reread more carefully. This is an excellent method of detecting where weak points are in a text, whether they're mistakes, or simply a description lacking in quality or details.
- Think about the story, even if you don't want to worry about it, it might be a good idea to do it. For example, Willow gets an order for 20 magic swords, why doesn't he make a contract? He's in a human supremacist realm and knows the behavior of people, but he doesn't think about it? Sounds stupid to me.
Sorry for any mistakes, also author, you may find this harsh but please don't be discouraged.
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This story follows the template for a Japanese Isekai story. Personally I have no problem with that. You can take bits and pieces from other Isekai stories, follow the template and still create a good story.
What bothers me is that the characters are not cohesive.
The author describes the characters one way and then a few chapters later they go against the core of what the character is described to be.
For example, the author describes that the MC has problems trusting people. He also writes a companion that goes radio silent for several days, then goes against the MC, hurts the MC and then the MC just forgives and forgets as if nothing happened.
And this is not the only inconsistency with this story.
I dislike this sort of sloppy writing.
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This story seems like a recycled series of notes the author posted on accident while trying to come up with a novel, as harsh as that may sound its the only excuse that makes sense to explain the disparity between the "foundation" of the novel and the content of it. Either the author simply didn't put much thought into it or intentionally misled us with clickbait tags and introductions.
The concept is an antisocial loner gets reincarnated into another world but missed the whole "god making hero's ritual" stuff and gets thrown in as a spirit (ghost) instead. It's a novel about a newborn monster and his antisocial journey to strength atleast until he's competent enough to go near any humans. The good news about all of the above is that we completely dodge the cringe ass swordplay and other dull tropes that plague fantasy novels by having the MC be incorporeal, we also get an interesting almost spectator like viewpoint as an immortal but isolated MC grows his strength separate from society as time passes by.
Just kidding, like I said this is clickbait, the MC immediately runs into the arms of every human he meets more like a harry potter house elf trying to "parasitically attach" himself to people for attention, he then almost immediately creates a physical body and what do we do when we're lazy as hell and don't want to put work into a build for the protagonist? Yup you guessed it! SWORDS! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
We basically don't get any novel before the author immediately drops "I got reincarnated reincarnated into another world, but I didn't even reincarnate properly?!" And instead starts writing something COMPLETELY different. The only similarity between the original work and the rewrite is I guess that he's reincarnated but that's hardly a consolation considering how little that shapes the actual story.
Overall it's novels like this that make me wish there was a clickbait option you could report novels for when they blatantly mislead people into reading a different story entirely.
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