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Phantom Ddraig
Phantom Ddraig
6.5k Views 141 Favorites 90 Chapters 2 Chapters/Week 62 Readers
4.4 (9 ratings)
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Synopsis

The fall of the multiverse has reshaped reality under the hands of the primordial guardian Sophia, creating the new world of Jord. Join Christian Ddraig, the prince of the re-emerging nation of Avalon that now finds itself in the middle of a war between its new neighbors that threatens to spill over into his kingdom as he works with his companions to stop the possible total war and the many dark forces emerging from the shadows.

Nexus Arc Volume 1(ch1-24)

Anjin Arc Arc Volume 2 ( ch 25-69)

Unknown Tides Arc Volume 3(ch70- )

Genre
ActionAdventureFantasySci-fiSupernatural
Tags
Episodic Fantasy Creatures Fantasy World Futuristic Setting Mythical Beasts Mythology Sword And Magic Wars Wizards
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    • 5 stars 67% (2)
    • 4 stars 33% (1)
    • 3 stars 0% (0)
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      Hanahara
      Status: the story of a disgraced...

      Hello!  I saw the author's post in the forums, and I wanted to check out his/her work.  However, I have to stop midway into the story because of some glaring concerns...

      Note:  I purposefully left out the rating blank for now, since I would like the author implement changes to his/her work before giving out my rating.

      Well, these are my comments on what I've reviewed so far...

      Let's start with the cons:

      1) One thing that I noticed immediately in the chapters was the grammar, capitalization, and punctuation errors.  There were sentences that I had difficulty in trying to understand (had to re-read several times) because of missing punctuation, or mistake in capitalization, or simply of grammar errors.

      Solution:  Try to read more English-language works (for non-native speaker), and have a review of the punctuation, grammar and capitalization rules.

      2) The awkward use of words.  Some words I've come across were pretty difficult to understand based on the context of the statement.  Or sometimes, the character dialogue seemed off simply because, he/she used a word that was not being used in daily conversations.

      Solution:  Reading English-language works would give you an idea of what simple English words you can use for your story.  Also, having a thesaurus by your side is a plus.

      3) The changing tenses.  There were parts of the story that were written in present tense, and there were others that were done in past tense.  Picking either one would be good, but according to what I've read about writing stories, most readers prefer past tense stories.  (Personally, either one works fine with me...)

      Solution:  Pick between past tense or present tense, and try to stick with your tenses throughout the story.

      Now, let's proceed with the pros:

      1) The story concept is pretty interesting.

      2) The author's attention to details on his/her world-building is good.  I myself can't do that much to my own work.

      So yeah, this is what I've observed so far.  Hope this review helps.  Would update this if there are changes to the work.

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      Senpai_Chan
      Status: team phantom

      Hi, Mr. Redchaos1! I saw your post in the forums, so I decided to check out your story. I'm currently on Chapter 4, but I will continue to read more. I was going to not leave a rating on my review yet, but I was unfamiliar with the rating mechanisms on SH... Anyways, I leave a 5-star rating for now (until I read further).

      Things that I've noticed:

      Cons:

      • Grammatical errors - punctual and spelling
      • Awkward sentence flow that require rewording

      Tips:

      • Proofreading the chapters 
      • I wouldn't mind helping with basic editing here and there. Feel free to reach out to me.

      Pros:

      • Very descriptive and detailed writing
      • Interesting story concept

      My personal thoughts:

      I think the story is definitely interesting. I've never really been interested in this book genre (sci-fi with mythical creatures), but I look forward to finding out more about this series. I relate to the MC (about crowds) and I see potential in his character. 

      Thanks for sharing your story, Mr. Redchaos1! You got this!

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      1 Likes · Like
      RFNasua
      Status: c0

      The story is better than most stories here in SH. However, I noticed several grammar issues, especially on punctuations, dialogue tags, subject-verb agreements, etc. These may be addressed by proofreading. The narrative is descriptive, though I think the narration could still be improved so as to make it less dragging. The dialogue and actions of the characters can be weaved into the world-building to make the delivery more interesting and prevent info-dumps. 

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      Ankur_93
      Status: c0

      A classic epic fantasy with deep roots. The world-building in the prologue sets up the scene for the story to unfold and consequent chapters allow the reader to understand the political situation of the nation. Thus when we start the story with the breach of the borders, a high expectation is set. 

      Grammar is good however needs just a bit of editing, with that the story would truly blosson.

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