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Paradox Of Life
Paradox Of Life
6.2k Views 32 Favorites 27 Chapters 3 Chapters/Week 18 Readers
4.0 (8 ratings)
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Synopsis

'Pulse' is a power that 'Will' have had access to since he was a child.

Though he always felt that something about this whole world is just not right. That 'Pulse' should not be as simple as just that.

Until that certain day came, where he discovered that he was indeed right.

And from that day on Will life turned completely different, as he kept navigating through the contradictions of life.

/*Disclaimer : This series is just a fiction with no relation to reality what so ever, it is nothing more than the inspiration of my own imagination.*/

Genre
ActionAdventureDramaFantasyMartial ArtsMaturePsychological
Tags
Body Tempering Calm Protagonist Carefree Protagonist Childish Protagonist Cultivation Modern Day Modern Fantasy Overpowered Protagonist Protagonist Strong from the Start Strong to Stronger
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      HansTrondheim
      Status: ch 1: chat
      Aug 24, 2020

      Well, to be honest, I had difficulty in reading the chapters, that's why I had to stop by the time I reached chapter 1.

      However, it doesn't mean that this story had a good potential.  I just like the author to correct some mistakes I saw as I read this.

      (I purposefully left the ratings blank for now, because I don't want to give it a rating without the author fixing the corrections.)

      So here are the cons that I read:

      1)   The entire story is peppered with long--as in really long--sentences.  The author may correct this by breaking down the entire sentence using period (.).

      Example:  though he actually started working as a freelancer long before quitting the company, he started when he was still a post graduate but ended up stopping right before enrolling into army for 2 years to fulfill his service after graduation, following that he decided to works at a company as a change of pace while freelancing at the same time, only to realise that it was actually quite taxing doing both at the same time so he decided on quitting the company.

      Suggestion:  Though he actually started working as a freelancer long before quitting the company, he started when he was still a post-graduate.  But he eventually stopped right before enlisting in the army for 2 years, fulfilling his service.  Following that, he decided to work at a company to change pace while doing freelance work, only to realize, it was taxing him doing both.  So he decided to quit the company.

      Break down your sentences.  Making it for too long would give your readers difficulty in trying to understand what you're trying to say. 

      2)   A lot of filler words.  Filler words are those words that can be removed, and yet, it won't affect the meaning of the entire statement.

      Example:  though he actually started working as a freelancer long before quitting the company, he started when he was still a post graduate but ended up stopping right before enrolling into army for 2 years to fulfill his service after graduation, following that he decided to works at a company as a change of pace while freelancing at the same time, only to realise that it was actually quite taxing doing both at the same time so he decided on quitting the company.

      See, the underlined words could be removed without affecting the statement drastically.  We already know that he was both working in a company and freelancing, and he was a post-graduate from the first sentence.  Also, the word 'both' implies that he was doing it at the same time already, so there's no need to put the phrase 'at the same time'.

      My suggestion to correct this is to reread your work and give the statements a careful thought.  The question you should ask yourself is, "If I removed this word, would it change the meaning that I want?"  If the answer is no, then you remove that filler word.

      3)   Punctuation and capitalization.  Some readers are really strict when it comes to these things.  Capitalize every beginning of a paragraph and sentence.  Put only commas when you have separate ideas in a sentence, but definitely don't prolong it too much.

      Tips:  Also, when doing chapters, it would be nice to be reminded who's character point of view are we reading from time to time.  Do not just use pronouns (he, she) for a big part of the chapter; you may also use the character's name occasionally.  

      So yeah, these are the things that I read in the story.  I hope this review helped, Mr. Author.

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