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Rise of the GodSlayer
Rise of the GodSlayer
1.1k Views 11 Favorites 5 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 23 Readers
4.5 (4 ratings)
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A mysterious virtual reality game is released by an unknown company. When they announced the game they only said a few words.

"Good Luck... Have Fun."

Follow the journey of a man who's life was monochrome and how this game changed his life.

Level System MMORPG Tragic Past Virtual Reality
  1. First MinibossApr 9, 2019
  2. Skill CreationApr 7, 2019
  3. BeginningsMar 15, 2019
  4. Character CreationMar 13, 2019
  5. MonochromeMar 13, 2019
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      Status: beginnings
      Apr 1, 2019

      Take my review as a grain of salt as this may not be something that you, as a reader, think is correct. 

      The novel is okay. It's a bit rough around the edges concerning the grammar/punctuation, world background, development of each character and spacing. 

      Grammar/punctuation- The story has a lot of punctuation mistakes in terms of punctuation and keeping the same tense throughout the novel with the exception of writing dialogue, of course. While I do know what the author is trying to convey, there are just too many mistakes that keeps me away from the story.

      Note For Author: Use Grammarly. Definitely one of the best programs I used when dealing with grammar.

      World Development/Setting- The story constantly shifts narrating point of view via first person or third person. This gets constantly troublesome especially combined with no grammar. If you're writing in the third person,   don't let the main character influence the description of the setting around them. For example,


      'Not that it mattered to me. Everything around me was devoid of color and seemed lifeless. The constant hustle of life reduced to only a hush in front of me. Losing myself in the monotonous walk I find myself in front of the school before realizing and repress a sigh that threatened to escape my lips.'  (Chapter 1)


      We don't need this filler here. Just the sentence from the previous paragraph,  


      'After exiting my house I start a lonely trek toward the school.'  (Chapter 1)


      tells us the boy is going home alone. No need for a descriptive emotional paragraph of how lonely the trek is. Sometimes it is okay to be simple with the wording.

      Note For Author: Stick to one point of view. Most authors like to write in the third person. Though usually, this means that readers want to read where the novel shifts the center of focus to another character.

      Character Development- Some of the obvious tells don't need to be in the story. For example, this sentence 


      'After exiting my house I start a lonely trek toward the school.' (Chapter 1)


      already tells us the boy is lonely. Don't give out blatant tells of how like Character A is a rich dude who likes cute boys because he has a shed full of them, etc. Instead, let us as readers decipher his character by the actions of the character. If Character A doesn't interact with people, we can say that he is one of the following: lonely, doesn't want to interact with people, or distances himself away from others.

      Also, the dialogue sounds a bit too fake as no one addresses some as "Codename: Shadow" (Chapter 1). The setting is already enough to tell us that the main character had a secret job as a former assassin based on the character's name. 

      Another thing to keep in mind is the soul-less response on which Kuro (the main character) doesn't respond to as he is jumped by a girl is a bit too strange. If anything, he should just respond back with a wave of his hand or an uncaring stare. 

      Note For Author: Keep interactions real as seen in real life as a baseline for all character interactions. 

      Spacing- If you want to emphasize something like in Chapter 1,  


      Feeling regret that my cover had been blown I turn to look toward the voice that shouted toward me. Along with everything else in my life she held almost no color, though there was one thing that was different about her. Her eyes. In the black and white world, I live in her eyes were one of the only things that held color. The piercing blue eyes were focused on me as she pouted due to me ignoring her. (Chapter 1)


      then it should look like this below.


      'Feeling regret that my cover had been blown, I turn to look toward the voice behind me.

      Along with everything else in my life, she held almost no color, though only one thing about her stood out. 

      Her eyes. 

      In this black and white world,  her piercing blue eyes held color as she pouted as I disregarded her.' (Chapter1)


      In regards to the battle in Chapter 3, I found it a bit bland and boring for my taste as I was only reading a summary of what the character was doing. I didn't see the damage numbers in which the wolf cub did nor the damage Kuro did to the cub. If you have done something like this,  



      Blocking with his dagger, Kuro frowned, as he was pushed back by the cub's charge. 

      Using his sword, Kuro extended his arm to distance himself as the wolf cub failed to claw him.

      Before the cub can react, Kuro stabs it in the mouth and then in the eye.


      Kuro inspects the cub again only to find, <Debuff: Partial Blindness>.


      ‘Damn it, that was careless of me.’

      Kuro stabbed his sword into the wolf’s remaining eye, taking some of its teeth from its mouth, and began to curl up in a ball as it whimpered in pain.


      Kuro sighed at the realistic feature and quickly stabbed it in the head.

      Kuro looked at his experience bar and sighed.

      ‘An increase of 30% experience with 20 health remaining. My stats are definitely holding me back.’

      Kuro took a look at the loot dropped and sighed again.

      ‘A copper coin. Just my luck.’


      Hopefully, my review helps you,  Author. Don't let this review stop you. Improve from it.  

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