MC died, meet a god, agreed to be isekai'd in isekai to be isekai'd later on isekai where magic is real.
Makes sense right?
Now read it.
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* I'll be posting this on Royal Road.*
READ THE ADVANCE 30 CHAPTERS AT MY PATREON.
www.Patreon.com/Evrabonzz
This review is mostly about the writing itself and not the story.
The main problem is the grammar. It's never a good sign if the first few sentences already have multiple errors in them. There are sure to be a mistake or two very often, practically every sentence/paragraph. The errors themselves aren't anything too bad but it definitely makes it seem like the author's first language isn't English or they didn't read over their work even a single time with how many errors there are. There are also times when it feels like the author should have accentuated or added more words to allow the reader to understand a scene better. If you're able to ignore them then this is alright.
Another peculiar thing is the point of view. It's usually third-person but sometimes it changes to the point of view of the author or third-person omniscient so the point of view changes takes out some of the immersion of the story.
One good thing about the writing is that the author makes use of many different sentence lengths which helps keep the reader not bored. Not sure if this was on purpose though.
The character isn't very interesting and definitely isn't written to be likable to the reader, though, the author probably did that on purpose.
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Edited on sept: I check this novel, and the author had deleted last 20s chapters. Honestly, feel sorry I write hard review. It's undenieable author worked hard. As seen how "beautiful" & creative he is. I'm not gonna denied author is a great writer.
But what can I say? Author had "betrayed" us. So i'll stick with it. Hope he can get back and give us better one. IF he get back
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First of all, this should be not tagged as Overlord fanfic. Instead, maybe author better to make a new tag, "DMMO-RPG: Yggdrasil Fanfic".
Why? Because it's based on the Yggdrasil game on Overlord story, not based on Overlord's "New World"'s world.
Because instad of the New Wolrd of the Overlord's World, MC sent to a different world
Seriously, author has dissapointed us. After 60s chapters we endured how this novel is just like another "RPG games's fanfic" (Which not bad tbh), With Overlord was only just like a background story, hoping MC soon come to the main story's stage, MC suddenly sent to a totally different world?! Tch.
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Pretty good, enjoyed reading it so far and will most likely continue to do so.
Among the things that I liked were the fights, the characters and dialogs. It didn't blow me away or anything, but it was fine. It also takes place in a universe I'm somewhat interested in (to the extent of having watched the anime) that probably comes into play. Individually, most chapters are good in my opinion.
Then there's what frustrated me as a reader. Mostly the lack of 'things I actually know'. Take the first few chapters, mister MC gets a number of wishes. He mentionned some of the wishes he made but I don't feel like he mentionned them all, did the number matter ? Am I missing any, and if so will they be mentionned later ? I know some of the things he can do, some of the items he has, some of the abilities of his gear, but never all of them and it makes it a little hard to put things into perspective. Of course, walls of text describing every single one of those things probably wouldn't be that great and in the end I don't know how to feel about it. Is it this way by choice or did it end up this way because the author is stingy with information ? Am I simply too greedy ? Who knows...
Now about something a little less abstract and subjective (maybe ?). Pacing.
Since the 'Actual' story begins pretty far in time chronologically, things have to be pretty fast before that, since it's mostly about constructing the starting point further down the road. And it is. Don't really have any issues there, don't have to read 200 chapters before things start happening. There are somethings that feel a little awkward though. Like when a scene is interrupted by lengthy explanations or even flashbacks that either don't really bring much to the scene itself. Chapter 31 is a good example of that. I could have enjoyed it, if it actually came before chapter 29 and 30, but since I'm keeping what was going to happen immediately after in mind, I can't really be bothered about what happened 4 months ago. Then there's things like the transition from chapter 29 to 30 which destroys whatever momentum was built for half a chapter of comedy that doesn't really bring anything and feels misplaced.
There's some smaller things like time skips such as '7 years after game lauch' which are harder to follow than 'X months or Y years later' as they force you to change your point of view. And I think both should be used in these cases since I assume the point is to show the progression towards the D-day.
Well that should be enough, hope there's something helpful in this review and I'll be looking forward to the way you handle the changes in atmosphere and pacing when Overlord begins. I'll probably be able to enjoy it anyway.
(4/5 for me)
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I really tried to get through the awkward if not sometimes strange grammar, but there is soooo much "tell" in the narrations.
Con (singular)
EVERYTHING, is told straight to us the audience, not "shown" nearly as often. It wouldn't be that bad but when every single action, dialougue encounter, thought, perspective is followed by the author adding, by a factor of 10, dry and not immersing info-dumps. It violently breaks any reading flow I had when my interest and imagination took hold. Tanking any enjoyment I was having because the action and wondrous world I was getting into is block by a wall of words that don't really add to the over story. Maybe the plot and or world settings, but the plot/settings isn't the narration, just the general guide and stage to follow.
It's like looking at really tasty burger, like something outta commercial, then taking a bite to only find out the burger is halve the flavor and twice the amount you have eat to feel satiated. Disappointing and bewildering, because there is a really good looking story here that caught my interests and imagination. Yet the execution of the narration dunks any of the good and cool things going on. For instance,
Pros
1. The MC, the drive of the story, is a down on his luck underdog who gets a second chance. He displays humility, wisdom, wit, and personal drive when faced with terrible situations. Thus when gain and award follows, it's satisfying and fun because the dude deserves it. He's not a brain dead isekai dime a dozen protag. Mind you, I've only read like four chapters but I like what read of him.
2. You can feel the work and thought put in everything in story. Which might sound weird coming from critiquing reviewer but it doesn't change the fact the story has heart and an identity of its own. It's early days (again I only read 4 chapters) but I can easily see more unique and interesting things going down farther along in the story.
3. Pacing while not the most important part of a story can make or break one if not handled properly. That's said, I think the pacing was good and corresponded well the tone/mood of the narratives. It's not always perfect for any author but this author display good tact when writing scenes from what I noticed.
In conclusion, the "show" NEEDS to be more apparent than the tell. If that can occur more than the "tell" this story will no doubt be a top tier fun fanfic and story hands down.
Advice? That means less info-dumps and more character interactions with the world around them via scenes composed of action, thoughts, and perspectives so the information you, the author, wants to incorporate is done organically throughout those scenes.
For example, say a magical blue flower is super important don't tell us the audience the why immediately, show us by the characters reactions and actions in accordance to the flower's existence. Have a character or object explain the why, without it looking like the character is breaking the fourth wall to address the audience if the why is important to the plot.
I hope this review is taken as constructive criticism and not just as a random hater flaming. I genuinely believe this story can be far better than its current iteration. For that matter, any story the author decides to writes if the above mentioned is taken into account. The skill and dedication is clearly there.
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Other than the grammar, everything else is great.. For me.
There's plot (legit plot)
There's detailed action.
And the characters feel alive and not just puppets who do and say things you can predict with only 3 brain cells needed 😋
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The story is pretty good, instead of directly reincarnating in the new world of yggdrasil he plan to join before it all began as to personally make his own character.
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Everything seems perfect. You got a decent MC. A good world building. High potential premise. But when he and momonga finally going to the new world
Why throw a fast ball to the readers and change the story of MC arriving at Niflheim instead of new world? Giving a benefit of a doubt that the MC would eventually arrive at the new world but for how long would it take? This Niflheim arc is highly likely to be stretched for many chapters before arriving to the new world where most of the readers anticipates. Not to mention that the MC would be able to ensure that he would be able to get to the new world at the same time as momonga. It's like advertising of a drink looking like a milk tea subtly inciting that it's a milk tea but it's actually a coconut juice. A completely different product. All those foreshadowing and stuffs for nothing but giving readers false impression. You know why the canon overlord is like by fans? The foreshadowing never gives false sense of impressions even if the readers got disappointed by the characters choices they would only think that it is a matter of fact because the characters are in character.
Also the MC got ridiculously OP that it takes away the fun of reading. I'm also a fan of invincible MC but at least there's should be a basis of his power instead of making up of some ridiculous class bonuses out of thin air. It feels like it isn't overlord anymore tbh.
I hope you got better inspiration with my review and write decent future chapters.
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Durring the first few chapters I wasnt to sure if I would like where the story was going, but then it gets exciting. I was thinking why did he just transmigrate just to play igsdrasil the game. But then irealized he is makeing evrything from the ground up through the game. When the MC is training and starts to make his character it gets exciting makeing me wonder about the future and the things he will make for the new world. There are some errors but there not annoying enough to effect readibility. I cant wait to read more.
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its great, cant stop reading it, raizel is awesome
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A bit rough but has potential
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