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The Ark Project
The Ark Project
1.5k Views 25 Favorites 8 Chapters 2 Chapters/Week 40 Readers
5.0 (3 ratings)
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A mercenary broken by hatred is forced to question himself after all the anger holding him together was no more.
Now, with the rest of humanity, Albert has to learn the rules of a new world, the rules set up by their new god- The System.

First Zone map (spoiler up to Ch 4):
Usual stuff, folks:
Beginner author, reviews- yes please, criticism welcome and appreciated, English might not be perfect.
Also, some feedback would be kinda nice. Not getting any feedback is worse than mistakes and deficiencies being pointed out.

Conspiracies Evolution Fantasy Creatures Gore Hunters Magic Military Near-Death Experience Nudity Pets Politics R-15 Second Chance Strength-based Social Hierarchy Transmigration Unique Weapons
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      New llnksys
      Status: c0
      Oct 29, 2020

      Five stars for effort and vision, but the execution needs some work.

      A couple things right off the bat, the voice of the narrator is spotty which makes some of it difficult to read. There's a lot of pseudo-jargon. That is jargon written from somebody outside of the field. It would help the story a lot if the jargon were more well studied. Listening to first person accounts of soldiers would help there.

      The narrator also seems to drop his dialect quite frequently, which makes me wonder errant things.

      Ideally, the narrator's voice should be written in such a way that is true to both conventional grammar and the narrator's character. I feel the story needs some work before this is achieved.

      The other thing is the narrator's monologuing to the reader in the middle of dialogue. It breaks the flow of the story and lends a choppy feel to it. 

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