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Duality Merged
Duality Merged
3.4k Views 23 Favorites 12 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 62 Readers
4.1 (8 ratings)
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Synopsis

The death of a god is closely followed by its world. That is unless another god were to claim said world before it consumes itself.

But what happens if the new owner doesn't have the same aspirations as the former?

This is the story of two worlds, one changing and one fantastical, and one of the groups of people travelling between them.

——————

Hey there! A couple of things I'd like to note:

1. This is my first time writing anything, so feedback would be greatly appreciated.

2. I intend to include some very graphic scenes, be warned.

3. I don't have an upload schedule, but I'll try to write something every day for the practice, so don't expect one until I have more experience.

4. Please enjoy!

Genre
ActionAdventureFantasyHaremLitRPGMaturePsychologicalRomanceSupernatural
Tags
Antihero Protagonist Beautiful Female Lead Bloodlines Character Growth Demi-Humans Depictions of Cruelty Game Elements Handsome Male Lead Manipulative Characters Multiple Transported Individuals Non-human Protagonist R-18 Transported into Another World Weak to Strong World Travel
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      Daeonia
      Status: c10
      May 4, 2019

      The story is well written, descriptive, and despite a few rushed / unrealistic twists is overall pretty realistic. That said there is a reason I have only given it a rating of two: 

      First of all the lack of a properly established protagonist. I don't mind having multiple protagonists but this story despite stating that it uses multiple pov in fact uses a objective narrator but still tries to stick to the style of having a POV while ending up doing neither. 

      Constructive part: Clarify which characters this story is going to be about from the start and don't leave it up to seven chapters in only to realize they were wrong. Either write using a POV where you interpret their emotions and use this style to add more to the depth of their character or write using an objective narrator and focus more on the depth of the story and this world, but if you really want to have both styles then you are simply going to have to spend a bit more time fleshing out both of them rather than having them be in this weird state where I am neither invested in the characters (on the contrary in fact but that is for a later point) nor am I interested in the story which was supposed to play out but took so long to develop and was so badly overshadowed by other parts of the story that I barely know what it is about aside from the standard set up done in the first chapter until eight chapters in.  

      Second: the actual protagonists are not in fact anti-heroes they are villains. A story like that can be interesting but the set up for a proper villain story is very different from a hero story and this story was not set that up for that. The characters that the story ends up being about do have the potential for being entertaining villains but their lack of in depth character because of the previous point and no larger story being built in when they are introduced leaves them as nothing more than petty and disgusting monsters that spark no interest or intrigue in the future of this story. 

      Constructive part: Focusing the story more on them and explaining reasoning and justification for their actions and having it be somewhat acceptable justification more so than "Because you got X's ire and it just happened to work out that way", though that may be the reason why he did it but that is not the justification any person would give to themselves, even absolute psychopaths give themselves a justification akin to "If I hadn't done it then someone else would have" or "It is because of your own stupidity and I am just teaching you a lesson" but they have none of this justification making it absolutely unbelievable. 

      Third: The lack of interactions between the characters and the repetitiveness of the same interactions happening multiple times over. Why is everything happening during the night-watch and never while they searching for food or at some other time, it both makes the story boring and it makes it repetitive. I would like to see more of this environment and all of the different animals or the reaction of the group as they realize there is an utter lack of a proper ecosystem. There is next to no interaction between the world and the group of characters which is an absolute shame because from the parts I can glean from the story this world is absolutely fascinating and I would like to learn more about it. I just can't in good conscience recommend it currently because there is very little interaction between the characters and the world while leaving open massive plot holes in the areas that aren't talked about or explored (plot holes like how the only type of monster shows up at night but is completely absent while they are gathering their only source of food). 

      Constructive part: Try to have the interactions between the characters happen inside of this world. Someone can beat someone up in our world and rather than just showing off the manipulative ability of these little monsters by normal torture instead have them use the monsters and environments of this new fantasy world. A fantasy story that (mostly) ignores the fantasy part of said world is better off being written as a non-fantasy story. In the end this is a new fantasy world and in the eight to nine chapters I have read I have seen neither a confrontation between something you would expect in a fantasy world and the main cast nor has there been an attempt to explore and learn about this new world they found themselves in. There might have been a reason for that in the story but that has not been made clear and whatever reason it has been it has not been explored either (potential character development) leaving me entirely unsatisfied with the turn of this story. 

      Fourth: The character development and the lack thereof.

      You would expect being thrown into strange world and forced to survive would force some kind of character development or at least a change in attitude but none of that happens here. It is as if the manipulative monster, conceited spoiled adult teenager, and the addicted gang hooligan bad guy are living exactly as they were on earth just now outside of the governments influence and with pointy sticks. The only character that showed an inkling of development that I for this reason left out of the last list is the naive overly protected girl that felt forced to learn how to be more useful. This makes absolutely no sense as having your life threatened day and night in an unknown world usually causes some kind of change even if the wrong kind of change. This absurd reaction of their characters makes them feel strangely inhuman and leaves me feeling disturbed at the end. 

      Constructive criticism: Try to write characters that have some semblance to someone you know in real life. If you want to write a manipulative character you can take all of the manipulative traits from three or four of people you know and put that together into a character, but for the love of god don't try to write up a character you have no experience of in real life at all, it just makes them feel unreal and makes it difficult to become invested in them. 

      I really hope this story gets better in the future and I may give it another chance a few months down the line but for now I will stop at the last currently released chapter and stop reading. 

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