"Overlord that isn't too dark." My first idea of the story.
A man by the name of Rin, a 30 something year old professional gamer, dies by accidental lightning from god while playing the VRMMO game, "Endless World Online" and wakes up in another world inside his girl main character Morus.
Now how do I rise up without people finding out my abilities?
He or she now carefully and cautiously lives in this new world without causing suspicion, chatting with god, and finding his purpose in this new world.
Great story so far!
Less Overlord light and more A Wild Last Boss Appeared but everyone forgot the MC after a thousand years.
Not like that's a bad thing. If you can handle all the (often out of place) R-15 content and don't mind half an arc being about the former servant NPCs, the story's been pretty good.
The world building has especially been nice, with all the references to former companions and how they were perceived in the modern world being a nice touch.
The characters are all distinct and easy to tell apart, though there hadn't been enough time for them to develop beyond caricatures so far, the going looks good.
I do worry if the story will devolve into a simple "evil church human supremacists vs all's equal moral MC", but the world itself feels complex enough that it would be able to grow beyond that once the setting starts to go beyond the local city.
Whether it ends up becoming an accidental world conquering story or an MC elevation from a powerful nobody to worshiped deity, I have no idea, but I look forward to seeing what the future has in store.
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So I do have to emphasize this goes pretty far down the kink hole. The plot itself is good but there are some scenes you may want to consider bypassing (primarily the s*x scenes in the succubus nest). I'll also state the MC is pretty firmly bi/pan so if you're only looking for yuri there's a few scenes with guys as well.
Otherwise it's an interesting story and worth a read.
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it's great.
it isn't so much overlord, but the influence is obvious. Rather than being dropped in an unknown world with the entirety of their guild building, Morus regains consciousness right where she was before, only 1000 years later, all her friends and rivals long gone only remaining as deific figures to the inhabitants. She also gets an explanation from God about how it all happened.
but doesn't matter too much.
no nation building, we get morus pov most of the time (probably the biggest stray from overlord was how ainz was a catalyst for the plot more than the main character)
magic knowledge and mana density have degraded since the days when this world was used by earth as a game world.
Another big difference between Nazaric and the Sharks (i don't entirely remember the name, ill fix later) is how they were percieved by the world's inhabitants and the players. Both may have been nonhuman guilds, but in the narrative of the game designers there were three factions: Good (humans and their allies), Evil (monsters and those of evil alignment), and Neutral (most demi-human races). Nazaric would most definitely be [evil] (the group were infamous pkers), while the Sharks wer e the heads of the Neutral side (both in the story and among the players).
background for the factions:
the good and evil alliances were always meant to be a part of the game. Game mechanics habe everyone start as human until they hit level cap where they can chanbe their race slightly or prestige. The evolutions could change you from human to demi human to non human, and part of the intended plot would be end of the "starting age". Various dark and light races appeared in the world and began to war with each other over land (for the npcs) and power/players (for the guilds). By the time the second age ended, the chaos had died down and the many races had alligned into two factions, one made up of the dark races and the other the light races. This period of stability allowed for the player guilds to consolidate politcal power and establish themselves. The top two guilds controlled the two factions, and the leader of the light sides guild was the first to get the angel race. Devs see a chance to add more life to the world, and a religion gets formed around her just as the age ends. Back to war, most demi-humans st art to appear and the split on the ir faction choice is even, but dark is overpowering light. The church begins to shift and becomes human supremacist, while on the dark territory they are discriminated against for being too human. Then, a global dungeon appears, one that grants ownership over of it as a first clear reward. The two factions fight, all while a small but powerful group of demihumans led by morus containing most of the strongest demi-human pvpers sneak by the massive war taking place just outside and clear the raid dungeon. They gain fame and they found the neutral faction with the help of the devs.
other stuff
the npcs morus made are all there, but so far, only 2 have been released from storage mode (little statues of the npcs) and the npc he made for his rival as a birthday gift has returned. The entourage consists of: loli (h, f), milf (h, f), former guardsmen (h, m), arachne (npc, m), masochistic angel (npc, f), haughty water spirit (npc, f), The Succubus Nest (a whore house with a bunch of elves, half elves and humans, along with a teenage submissive cross dressing boy as the owner), and Morus herself (half succubus, half demon-elf, basically 75% demon, 25% elf)
chapter 30 is hella lewd. :) ?
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A story that in the beginning that promisses much, like a demonic MC that do not want to go the clitchè rute and be a boring mary sue and insted be more of a anti hero protagonist.
Sounds good, right? So I thought after the first 3 chapters.....
But from there, everything goes that overused, clitchè; MC joins the advature guild and have to hide her powers and pretend to be weak. help the poor, stop the evil racist church and corrupt nobels, makes children laugh... At the same time, every decision she does is extremely illogical towards the goal the MC wants to reach.
Mary Sue Syndrome....
But the biggest problem I have with the story is the "POW" splitting in every direction. I understand it is inspired by Overlord, but in that series there is no MC in a meaningful way and you follow mainly the people around the "overlord".
It works there for another reason that do not transfer well here. When you have a clear, decent protagonist that we start follow in a "POW" perspective, then it is really annoying when they "POW" changes to every side-character passing by and breaks the flow of the MC and the story. Thats why it is very good idea to use a 3rd person perspective if you want to follow alot of characters, if not it becomes very disoriented and confusion and worst of all, very immersion breaking.
It is very sad to give such a review, because the author clearly has a good idea of a story an writhing is decently good for scribble, but the perspective of the thing destroyes everything for me.
This story need a "Multiple POW" tag, cuz thats a deal-breaker for many....
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This story is pretty much the definitions of "A for effort". It's very clear the writer is really trying to make a good story. But the numerous grammar mistakes can make the story very difficult to read. I would recommend the author to make an account on the Grammarly website, even the free account lets you do a grammar (and a few others) check.
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Finish reading it a few months ago and really like. Also does any body know if the author is going to make more chapter or if the author is on hiatus.
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All in all a valiant effort that gives me high hopes for the author. In it's current instance however you have to toss a coin do decide if this story is worth your time. I am looking forward to the authors next story, where they will surely have improved a lot, as a lot of improvement is already evident throughout the chapters.
As far as _this_ story is concerned however:
- very character development focused. The background of the characters seems well fleshed out and the author obviously made a lot of background notes about them. Unfortunately the author seems to forget what was already explained and what no, as the same background exposition is repeated several times for several characters over the 55 chapters.
- not a lot of overarching plot happens. In the first 40 chapters, story drives character development and character interaction. Later the foundations for a great plot is being laid which is to be revealed in chapter 56 which unfortunately, has yet to be written. There is hope for the start of a great story here though, if if ever continues.
However, until the reader gets there, the story, especially the first few chapters, need a lot of effort on part of the reader to push through. E.g.:
- nature of world unclear. How is it real? How is it the future? Is it just a simulated game future? How did the game world become "real"? Is the main characters floating in a tank somewhere plugged into the game world together with some other people? Is it an ancestor simulation? The blatant acceptance of the main character implies that she knows the answer, yet she does not tell. The hints given are all very confusing and overall give the impression that the author themselves did not think this through at all. As a result it's hard to form an accurate image of that world in the readers head.
- The first chapters use abysmal English. One is barely able to guess the authors intent from the half-finished sentences and mixed up or misspelled words. Author improves A LOT after ~10 chapters though so bear with it.
- The power level of the characters is not well calibrated. One characters receives a prosthesis from the main characters to replace a lost missing limb, while another characters less dear to the main character gets several missing limbs regrown by her just a few chapters later in less time (30minutes) than making the prosthesis took. Furthermore, the whole story suggests that there are some clear limits of what can be done with magic until suddenly a less powerful sub-character turns a human into a swarm of rats with distributed intelligence, which is basically a god-like feat while previously the story gave the impression that even the gods that appeared in the story would not have been able to do that.
btw: the cover art looks great :)
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It's a really cool syory, while there is sometime a bit too muchbsmut content (succubus' nest) the plot looks nice so far. And the interactions with the former NPCs which are now fully conscients beings is really nice. Keep up the good work
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This novel has great potential, and I want to enjoy it, but I cant due to the grammar. There are typos everyone, who is speaking isnt always clear, and a lot of the sentences dont make any sense or just sound wrong. I guessing that English isnt the authors first language, which would explain a lot of the issues, though that fact wont make it any easier to read. You'll regularly find yourself re-reading a paragraph or conversation 2 or 3 times before you figure out what actually happened during it. I would give it 4 or 5 stars since I like the world and the characters, but the grammar is just too atrocious to ignore. This novel would be significantly better if there was a proof reader or editor helping the author, but for now I'll have to give it 3 stars. It be a 4 or 5 if the author ever went back and editited the chapters to be easier to read, but that would take an extremely long time and is unlikely to ever happen. The grammar in the more recent chapters is definently an improvement, but the early chapters' grammar make this story just too difficult to get into. If you dont have a problem with the grammar though, then this story is definently worth reading.
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