Total Views (All): | 27,041 |
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Total Views (Chapters): | 16,110 |
Average Views: | 806 |
Word Count: | 24,994 |
Average Words: | 1,250 |
Pages: | 91 |
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Hey, I can't really review this fanfiction since you just started posting it, but I hope to give you some tips so you could improve. English is not my native language so if I'm being wrong somewhere please correct me.
First thing, try to read every chapter at least twice or have someone else do it, everyone can miss a letter or interpunction mark and it's easy to catch by others, but when you read a sentence in a newly created tense then it can be hard to read for some people. To be specific you wrote "someone did" and then after it, you still wrote the verb in past tense. Work a bit on your tenses.
Next thing, try to show the readers and not tell them, you tell about the emotions, but it doesn't really feel like they are living human beings. Show us the personality of your main character, even with another character telling his character traits he feels bland. I hope you will develop him more and maybe show us how he changes his way of thinking and talking throughout his life since you are writing this from the first point of view.
The last thing, you can say muggle money and wizard money if it's coming from your main character mouth, since he may not know about it, though it's a bad excuse since you made him a genius who is interested in knowing everything and he would probably know about such basic information. Check on the internet what was something called in HP universe, it will definitely help immersion.
That's all from me for now, your idea for a story is really interesting, I have read many fanfictions and your story is really refreshing. Good luck, I hope you won't run out of ideas and that you will continue posting your story here. :)
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Well done
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