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Harry Potter and the Mudblood Prince
Harry Potter and the Mudblood Prince
6.5k Views 4 Favorites 20 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 64 Readers
4.3 (14 ratings)
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Total Views (All): 6497
Total Views (Chapters): 3570
Average Views:179
Word Count:24994
Average Words:1250
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20 / 20 Jul 3, 2019
1 / 20 Jul 2, 2019
20 / 20 Jun 14, 2019
20 / 20 Jun 12, 2019
1 / 20 Jun 10, 2019
1 / 20 Jun 4, 2019
20 / 20 May 28, 2019
1 / 20 May 23, 2019
1 / 20 May 23, 2019
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1 / 20 May 6, 2019
1 / 20 Apr 25, 2019
1 / 20 Apr 11, 2019
20 / 20 Mar 12, 2019
2 / 20 Mar 9, 2019
  1. FriendshipJan 8, 2019
  2. TalkJan 7, 2019
  3. Flight or fight?Jan 5, 2019
  4. First weekJan 5, 2019
  5. Study groupJan 4, 2019
  6. ScheduleJan 4, 2019
  7. Transfiguration classJan 3, 2019
  8. Common roomJan 3, 2019
  9. RavenclawJan 3, 2019
  10. House selectionJan 2, 2019
  11. Train part 2Jan 2, 2019
  12. Train part 1Jan 2, 2019
  13. Two monthsJan 1, 2019
  14. Ollivanders and LunaJan 1, 2019
  15. The GringottsJan 1, 2019
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      Status: house selection
      Jan 2, 2019

      Hey, I can't really review this fanfiction since you just started posting it, but I hope to give you some tips so you could improve. English is not my native language so if I'm being wrong somewhere please correct me.

      First thing, try to read every chapter at least twice or have someone else do it, everyone can miss a letter or interpunction mark and it's easy to catch by others, but when you read a sentence in a newly created tense then it can be hard to read for some people. To be specific you wrote "someone did" and then after it, you still wrote the verb in past tense. Work a bit on your tenses.

      Next thing, try to show the readers and not tell them, you tell about the emotions, but it doesn't really feel like they are living human beings. Show us the personality of your main character, even with another character telling his character traits he feels bland. I hope you will develop him more and maybe show us how he changes his way of thinking and talking throughout his life since you are writing this from the first point of view.

      The last thing, you can say muggle money and wizard money if it's coming from your main character mouth, since he may not know about it, though it's a bad excuse since you made him a genius who is interested in knowing everything and he would probably know about such basic information. Check on the internet what was something called in HP universe, it will definitely help immersion.

      That's all from me for now, your idea for a story is really interesting, I have read many fanfictions and your story is really refreshing. Good luck, I hope you won't run out of ideas and that you will continue posting your story here. :)

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      3 Likes · Like Permalink
      Status: train part 2
      Jan 2, 2019

      Well done

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