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/ Series / Hazy Hindered Hearts (R18+)
Hazy Hindered Hearts (R18+)
Hazy Hindered Hearts (R18+)
6.6k Views 46 Favorites 18 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 74 Readers
3.6 (8 ratings)
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Total Views (All): 6,631
Total Views (Chapters): 3,365
Average Views:187
Word Count:53,748
Average Words:2,986
Pages:196
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Table of Contents 18
Reviews 1
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    Kumakichi
    Status: chapter 17 **tradgedy in process**

    Looking at both the synopsis and the tags, I already figured that this story would not appeal to me, and indeed, it did not.    

    As a general concept, there is definite potential, but I do find the execution quite lacking.    

    First, on a surface levels, there are some slight but noticeable issues with the language - the most prominent of which is the tendency to mistake 's with a word's plural form - hence we constantly get Alpha's rather than Alphas and Omega's rather than Omegas. There are other issues as well, of course, but those are not my main issues with this story.  

    In terms of the writing itself, the issues really start with the prologue, which is a massive info dump that would have worked far better if it had been hacked up into pieces and gradually introduced through the narrative of one of the characters, which would possibly have fixed or at the very least alleviated some of the problems in regards to the pacing. Because yes, there are pacing issues, and at times, the timeline of events becomes unclear, as things like flashbacks are not always discernible from the rest.   

    So yes, the pacing did not at all agree with me, and neither did the writing overall. I would have liked to see more of "show, don't tell", as in, not telling the reader so many things right off the bat but rather telling some things and hinting at others, gradually building up the story and revealing the background of the world and the characters in it.   

    As for the characters though, I did not find them overly interesting or engaging. They all felt quite flat and shallow to me, and annoying to a greater or lesser degree. The only thing that felt positive was the tiny hints of character development for Derek, but that was unfortunately after he had already gone back and forth in-between strong and conflicting emotional states. On one hand, I guess I could buy it as part of his biology. However, at the same time, I did not find his sudden shift into a "better" person all that believable.   

    I also did not care particularly for the smut - or for the relationships at all, really. To me, they come across as quite abusive and/or codependent, and certain characters suddenly deciding to "change the world for the better" simply for the sake of their love felt really cheap. Like, instead of coming to a moral conclusion that existing practices of dehumanising Omegas are fundamentally wrong, their main focus is on changing things so that they can go frolicking with their new partner?    

    This annoyed me a great deal, but compared to the seeming trivialisation of the whole r*pe aspect in one of the relationships, it was a pretty minor thing. Because reading about that whole bit honestly made me gag.   

    It's not that I'm against problematic or complicated relationships in fiction or anything - I tend to find them quite interesting as a matter of fact. However, the progression of these relationships did not feel particularly reasonable - because in both cases, one of the people involved was effectively a slave dependent upon the other person's continued goodwill, and thus not in a position to refuse any advances without risking grievous consequences. And instead of the other party taking things slow and opting to build up trust and an actual functioning relationship, they seemed more intent on trying to fix it by having intercourse or using their Alpha pheromones and whatnot. And I don't find that particularly romantic, and I found the female Alpha's actions in chapter 13 utterly loathsome.   

    I have read other and in my opinion also far better Mpreg and ABO stories. This one made me wish for eye bleach.   

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