Very intriguing story. Lots of depth and good character development. For the most part you were able to tell a very good story that gave me goosebumps when reaching the end. All though there are a few rules that could improve the readability of this story immensely. The first half of the story has a lot of telling and lacks showing. Telling the reader that Roberto's daughter and wife was beautiful is okay but when you show the reader what makes them beautiful and loved it will keep the reader more engaged. I almost gave up reading half way through due to the fact that I was told the whole time what he had, what he achieved and how good his life was. Understanding the concept of "show, don't tell" is sometime a difficult thing to do when it appears that there is no difference between the two. However, the second half of the story was redeeming and made reading the story easier. I do understand that this is only a short story but fleshing out the first half would definitely draw more attention and help people read to the end. For instance, you could explain his feelings more, like his happiness, the sensation he feels when seeing his family or bring up fond memories to show the reader what a happy family they were and so on. As for the grammar, punctuation and tenses; there are a lot of work that needs to be done to improve on that. The story itself remains brilliant but these few things would make the readability easier therefor you would gain many more readers. I give this story a 4 out of 5 because I truly enjoyed the story, which is the most important part to me, but still think it can be improved. 

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