My name is Xelean, since I can remember I always saw strange shapes floating in my field of vision. When I asked my parents about it, they looked at me concerned, perhaps thinking that I had a vision problem. Seeing their reaction I quickly said that it was all a joke. However, when I learned to read, I understood a little better what those images with letters were thanks to the following message:
'Congratulations soul of the multiversal soul flow!!! You are the soul number 1 Billion that will be born in the world to which you were destined, in consideration and because the current situation of the world, certain benefits will be granted:
[User interface]
[Inspection]
[Accelerated balanced growth]
Sincerely, The Hive.'
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Author Note/Warning:
English is not my first language. One of the reasons why I started writing this is to improve my writing skills, so if you see any errors, please leave a comment.
In this work there may be similar things/references to different novels (from webnovel and outside of it), role-playing campaigns, movies, anime and manga; since they shaped the idea that I have of the stories and I think that, in part, many of the ideas that I have in mind are consciously or unconsciously inspired by them.
Character concepts:
https://www.insta gram.com/finlergost/
Hah... This novel really needs an editor to fix the chapters. It's incredibly difficult to navigate the dialogues. Although the dialogues are quoted with ('') marks, there are too many of them, and it feels overwhelming while reading. I won't lie, I initially read it on my smartphone and I experienced a slight headache while trying to navigate the novel. Later that night, I gave it another try on my desktop, and that's when I realized the issue. It's just too much to process for a novel. Sometimes I had to reread entire sentences to grasp their meaning.
Another issue is the lack of a comprehensive system. While it's not necessary for the novel to have a typical cheat or system mechanic, it lacks any indication of progress. As you read, you don't see many elements of a system at all. There's no indication of progress except in dialogues like "my skill leveled up." That's all there is, no systemic elements that remain in your mind while reading. After a while, it feels like you skimmed over those parts, even though you read them, but they don't stay in your brain for more than 10 minutes. I believe this aspect needs improvement. A system's purpose is to allow readers to see and validate progress, and this one doesn't fulfill that role.
Let's move on to the wording. Again, it's not bad, but it feels like an old script with too many honorifics and uncommon words. Even though English is not my first language, I can tell that these things can be a little troublesome. Everything else is good, though. The author describes the landscape and other things very well, and there's decent worldbuilding. The main character is a bit of an idiot, but considering the MC is only 14 years old, that solves the issue. However, the MC is too trusting of other people and lacks good social skills, despite supposedly working with their parents in a tavern for the majority of their life.
If these issues are improved, the novel will gain much more recognition. I would definitely come back if this novel undergoes a rewrite in the future, which I think is likely given the development of AI rewriting tools. The need for a professional editor might be reduced unless you aim for perfection. I hope the author will address these issues in the future. Additionally, it would be great if the novel cover could be improved as well. I've seen multiple novels using the same covers, and it's confusing. Have a good day!
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