This story is a fantastic sci-fi romp that combines the best elements of Star Wars, Firefly, and associated media to create a fascinating world inhabited by great characters,

In saying this, I have a few minor criticisms.

First off, there is a tendency for the story to foreshadow itself a little too well. This may just be because I am very familiar with story tropes, or have a knack for seeing things coming, but some of the big reveals (such as

Spoiler

Ellory having survived the crash

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from chapter 103) were obvious from the moment they were bought up. And, this is a totally subjective thing, which is why it isn't a big problem, but it's a tendency I see with a lot of stories to show their hand too early. This could be improved by making some of the plot elements less tropey, but I do recognise that tropes make writing much easier and more comprehensible, so YMMV.

My second criticism relates to the spoilered example, and it's

Spoiler

that the whole thing with Ellory feels really unrewarding to the reader. We never get to see Ellory's initial reaction to being told about Rebecca's origin, and we don't have much in the way of context to her and Rebecca's former relationship to fill in the gaps. So when it turns out she's a bit of a d*ck about it, it didn't really feel as impactful as it could have. If there had been more ambiguity to her identity- maybe Rebecca didn't recognise her until her name was dropped and then her attitude changed to be decidedly unfriendly- and if the story was open about her reaction- instead of confining it to an unseen private conversation which feels less like payoff than avoidance- then I feel it could have been a much more engaging character moment. Instead, it's used pretty much as a way to introduce Cam to the crew, and to set up some possible conflict for later. Additionally, and this is only something I noticed because I am a f**king massive sci-fi fan, the whole affair seems extremely similar to the relationship between Temperance McCloud and Jayne Cobb from the Firefly novel The Magnificent Nine. In fact, a lot of this particular arc feels very similar in concept to The Magnificent Nine, if slightly different in context. This is probably just because both this arc and the afformentioned novel are drawing at least some infuent from Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven, but that also becomes another issue because the villains of this arc are never given a face. The Magnificent Nine has Elias Vandal, a feared bandit who terrorises the small rim settlement that the story revolves around. This story has no equivelant, and therefore the thread does not feel as significant or as important as the "this arc exists to introduce Cam and add some plot hooks" aspect. The worldbuilding is lesser for it, and that's a let down.

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My final issue with this story is that a lot of the challenges the crew faces are easily surmountable, and don't come off as having many stakes. This issue isn't endemic to just this story, but I found myself reading and coming across complications like

Spoiler

The Imperium has shown up at the wreck and have seen the crew salvaging it

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, going "oh good, now they're going to have to escape with some sort of cunning plan just like in Firefly", and then

Spoiler

The imperium just sorta shrugs, blows up the wreck, and leaves without an issue.

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. It makes the protagonists feel like they have the thickest plot armour, and that the only long term issues are ones which ultimately don't threaten them in the immediate moment. Another example is

Spoiler

that any time the crew get fatally injured, they can just be regenned at minimal cost

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, which really takes some of the tension away. Then there's the lack of tension regarding the way they live their lives. In Firefly, a lot of the tension came from the fact that Serenity was barely staying in the air. The crew spent every waking moment keeping their beloved ship flying, and this played a lot into the feel of the show. The crew were always the scrappy underdogs, no matter how well they were doing, or how good the payout of any one job could be. Meanwhile, the Demeter crew don't have the same financial difficulties, or the same sort of trouble with finding work in the frontier. It makes their situation feel very static and nonthreatening, and it clashes with the way the story handles the setup. The Demeter is a old ship, but she's not exactly running out of gas in the same way Serenity does in... uh...Out of Gas. But the worldbuilding would imply that the characters have to remain working in order to keep flying. And this comes off as a disconnect.

All in all though, this is a great sci-fi story with only a few warts, keep it up!

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QuakeMidaro

Status: c14

Feb 20, 2022

Loving it so far honestly only thing I can think of is maybe add the girls love or romance genres instead of just tags from what I’ve seen so far it’s warranted and still hoping the cap- ~ahem~ Piper may be added there

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LilRobin

Status: c14

Feb 2, 2022

Excellent so far. The world building is rich without overloading the story with exposition. Currently I'm most interested in seeing how the crew learns to treat and view Jenny as a person not an appliance

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Lexi

Status: 171. Twins

Feb 1, 2022

Total adorbness!

***

edit: Maybe a few more words would do this wonderful story more justice... I am basically thirsting for every update that PCG is dropping on Patreon because DoD is absolutely captivating! After the initial gender feels take a step into the background, though without really vanishing, their place is quickly taken by romance, friendship, drama, action - in space. The story is a full blown space opera, after all.

Go, read it!

1 Likes · Like