A galactic civil war, commonly known as the Clone Wars, has raged throughout the shocked galaxy for a few months now. Its end is clouded by darkness. Which the Jedi are blind to. They can't see the trap that slowly closes around them. As a looming shadow crawls in the dark, waiting for the right moment to stifle the light that has ruled over for centuries and more.
Outside of the battle of light and darkness, a few obscured silhouettes scours the changes. Members of a mysterious order, many think of them as mere legends. Some believe in their existence. Others might have even spoken to one of their members.
One thing is certain, a great change has come to the galaxy. One with effects that will reach across the stars. The robed figures are yet to decide if they are to interrupt the natural order of light and darkness.
Such as they are, eccentric, old beings, with long forgotten powers.
This story tells us the legend of one such being. We shall follow this particular Grey Lord, on his, pardon me, her.. Less than, typical adventure.
Recommended by Grandmaster Yoda.
A fanfiction this is. Hmm. The Way of the Grey some might say. Read you must. Go!
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Prelude:
A twi'lek orphan girl in a slum on Ryloth was about to give up hope; she was hungry and sick, beaten from a fight with a bunch of other orphan kids, for the scraps of food they could find in the trash piles. She was sitting on the side of a dark alleyway, enduring the pain of hunger to lessen her hunger and thirst she drunk water from a dirty puddle, yesterday. Now she had a fever. She knew that it was a risk, but she had no other choice... Now it will be over at least faster, she thought with sadness, but also relief. With her hazy mind, she finally realized that someone was standing before her, a tall man, a human man? She couldn't make out his features. At least she will not be alone in her last moments, suddenly she felt happy, it was probably from the hunger, she felt light-headed, her reasoning was gone. Her heavy eyelids slowly closed.
The stranger was looking at the small probably five or six year old girl. He looked at the girl, but there was no pity in his aging eyes. Only realization.
- So be it. He said.
The force made him come to this place. It led him into this alley at the right time to save this light gray-skinned twi'lek girl. She was a bastard child of a whore, most likely dropped on the streets, or orphaned in some other typically cruel way. It did not matter to the bearded man. What mattered was that he could sense the force in the girl. He knew that she was the one he came for. He picked up the girl, and walked back to his ship, hastily.
- Don't die on me now, after all that trouble to find you. The man cursed while breathing heavily. He was old, his beard was entirely white. The spring in his steps and deep wrinkles were tell-tale signs of a battle-hardened veteran. Or at least a hard life, with heavy physical labor.
The man ran up the ramp of his ship, into its medical room. Carefully placing the trembling, feverish girl on the table while two different medical droids booted in and started to scan the girl's body. Each droid had four different arms, giving the girl antibiotics and bacta poultices on her forehead, with at least a few doses of immune re-invigorators with energy infusions.
- Extra 1.Aug 22, 2023
- 125. ChapterJul 29, 2023
- 124. ChapterJul 27, 2023
- 123. ChapterJul 26, 2023
- 122. ChapterJul 23, 2023
- 121. ChapterJul 12, 2023
- 120. ChapterJul 10, 2023
- 119. ChapterJul 6, 2023
- 118. ChapterJul 4, 2023
- 117. ChapterJul 3, 2023
- 116. ChapterJul 1, 2023
- 115. ChapterJun 23, 2023
- 114. ChapterJun 14, 2023
- 113. ChapterJun 5, 2023
- 112. ChapterMay 28, 2023
- 890 reading
- 190 plan to read
- 37 completed
- 34 paused
- 72 dropped
it's a decent read but there are various things the author needs to work on.
First of all is the dialogue of the characters, it always feels unnatural or forced. Other times it's too fast paced and the characters get over their doubts too quickly and don't argue enough to be realistic. With unnatural I mean that sometimes the people you write about feel like robots and dont really show their emotions and personalities. Panic isn't described that well in some situations and it all falls quite flat. Especially if characters instantly react like "is that so?" "ok lets go" without them pausing to think.
The other issue is using - instead of "". Like 99% of storywriters use "" so with - it makes the reading less immersive and slightly annoying, especially so when characters say something and then the description of what they do follows without removing it from the dialogue which makes the readers think that she's currently saying it instead of doing it. Also the author never uses the terms she said, she argued, she thought, she looked grumpily at them etc. It's necessary to show how people are talking instead of pure dialogue, it's very easy to misinterpret many things with them missing.
If the author improves on the dialogue and describes more how the characters talk, move etc. The chapters will become longer and more immersive. Not using "" is also not an option if the author wants to improve his/her writing and gain more readers.
I hope you take my criticism into consideration, I wouldnt take the time to write this if I didnt somewhat like what I read so far.
Summarized:
You need to use "" instead of -
The dialogue needs to flow better and show more of the characters intrinsic personalites, thoughts and reactions.
Grammar isn't that bad, but you often use than and then incorrectly. Also there are quite a few typos and errors which shows that there isnt much proofreading.
Lots of infodumps.
Edit: Author also often incorrectly uses his and her i. E. His teacher, when the student is a girl. There are also issues with y and I (mercyful instead of merciful) -> Also none of the critique has inspired the author to do something about it yet.
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If you enjoy a main character that is not utterly pathetic and lets every single person walk all over them with absolutely 0 consequences, then this is not a story for you.
The main character constant lets everyone disrespect her, make fun of her and anything else and she never puts them in their place.
The Order has constantly treated her like a criminal / prisoner and yet she keeps going back and being stupid with them for 0 reason.
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Im just confused
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Great story and character interactions. The pacing is just right that even if you do not have much knowledge about star wars you would still be able to understand whats going on since I also don't know much about it except for the general outline of the plot from memes, clips and recent star wars film (I can't watch the older ones since I am too spoiled of modern cinematics now that I just cringe hard trying to watch them and ultimately just stop watching it entirely). The whole thing about using both light and dark side of the force for balance is nothing new in star wars fanfic but the fact that the MC is not a reincarnated person is a biggg biggg plus and that she her personality is very amusing and hilarious but will be serious when she needs to be. Lastly the Grey Order is a secretive sect which was written really well to show that it its kinda like S.H.I.E.L.D/HYDRA where they infiltrate other organations to steal other sects knowledge and keep their existence a secret. Overall its a 9/10 and definitely a great read.
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very good worth a read people actually have inteligence
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The story is entertaining. However do not get attached to anything, the MC's situation will be different within 5 chapters. The MCs life starts miserable and stays there. The MC will never get comfortable. The MC will be thrown against every character that can overpower her whenever she starts to gain her footing. Some people like stories like this.
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The story is great so far, the characters act as they would and the writing is great and descriptive. Overall 5/5, would recommend it for people who either like star wars or wanting to find a good story to pass the time or what not.
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as of chapter 9 I can say I love the concept in general and the execution so far has been nearly flawless in my opinion. I like that it is going to and has already had both has psychological and philosophical elements. I also like that its someone born in the world instead of someone who knows the plot of starwars so they are prepared for everything like we normally get. Also it is someone in a different order than a sith or a jedi which is a breath of fresh air. Plus I like they are not a human too. In general I just like the foundation this has and hopes the story makes the most of its solid beggining
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This is honestly frustrating for me write. I enjoyed this story for a large portion of the chapters and really enjoyed the character and premise of the overall story.
I don’t know if I just simply dislike this new Arc, but I really wish I could like it.
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