It was currently 9:45am; I was commuting on the subway to work. My name is Aksel Liebert, 25 years old, and I worked at a photography company. The subway was the one thing I looked forward to before and after work. It... (Example of proper punctuation.) Bing! Bing!

The bells rung (If you say they rung, then you don't need the earlier sentence in bold.) [The next main base is 'Ujiron'.] --> If you use [] to box text, you don't need to use apostrophes, we understand by the context that it is the base name.

'Hey! Hurry up. We don't have all day, you nerd.' -> The shout came from a huge dude, two persons behind me. = Single quotation marks are for thoughts, double for dialogues. 'I think.' "I speak." Chapter 12:3 examples where you used the right quotation mark: "Arghhh!" "What! What the fu-!" "He's a monster!" Thus you need to be coherent with your own rules. [The 'survival cost' clause has been added.] [From now on, 100 coins will be deducted every night for the 'survival cost'. If you can't pay the 'survival cost, ' you will die.] [The 'survival cost' penalty will be maintained until the third main scenario is cleared.] --> 4x survival cost, readers hate repeated words, even if they are terms, you can rewrite this in a way that you use just one. Example: [The 'survival cost' clause has been added. From now on, 100 coins will be deducted every night. If you can't pay the fee, you will die. This penalty will be maintained until the third main scenario is cleared.] A lot cleaner, readability is key.

I eagerly trying forcing my eyes closed but the face wouldn't disappear. -> tried

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Overall: Typos here and there, misuse of punctuation. Minimal mix of tenses. Some trouble with readability on quotation marks. Chapters too short, could've as well merge them together, but gets better after a few (1k~2k mark is plenty.) I've read omniscient reader manga and it does sound alike.

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aimless

Status: --

May 5, 2022

So far so good, only gripe is the chapter length but based on the statistics it gets longer later. Well, what are ya waiting for? Just dive in

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doravg

Status: Chapter 5, Perilous Escape II

Apr 28, 2022

Battle royale, where the MC actually wants to survive and works towards that goal. We have the world placed in a barrier, and then it is dog-eat-dog world. I suppose it goes to show how greed and the desire to survive makes savages out of us all.

The novel is dark, it has fighting and killing. But the gore is not that disturbing. The style is nice, even if the chapters are a bit short. I didn't see any grammar mistakes, although there were a few missed commas. All in all, a good read.

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Coffeeporse67

Status: chapter 13

Jun 19, 2022

Well, first of all, as the author says, this is a fanfiction of ORV (Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint).

So far, it follows several of the plot points of the ORV, such as

Spoiler

the 1st scenario in being forced to kill, the demonic people reviving, the station conflict, awakening of "judge of destruction/annihilation" and the secret dungeon with the demon

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However, each one still has a different take and experience of the characters which makes it a worthwhile story to read. And it makes sense with the natural flow of things.

Some events had my heart pounding, and really kept in realistic boundaries of "how much can the character do in the situation?" as well as the character development. The exploration of the main character makes me curious too.

On the other hand, purely writing wise, although editing is still advised, seriously, you can tell there is a certain level of writing within it. It's pretty good.

I've only read up to the thirteenth chapter, and therefore can't say much about it. You may be thinking, "What, why is this review only positive and vague? Where is the criticism?"

Well, I did have a few gripes on the beginning.

Spoiler

Everyone at the start of the scenarios went bonkers and began killing without buildup in my opinion (in a postmodern world I would imagine morality would still be considered), which made it seem too sudden a turn. If I would suggest a change, I think the people should have a struggle and hesitancy stage before killing began (I mean, the first 5 stages of grief is Denial, Anger, Sorrow, something, and then Acceptance right?). Still, who knows how people act in times of despair, so I shouldn't say anything.

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However, please take your time with the story that gets better over time.

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