As of writing this review, this novel has the potential to become as good if not greater than the station core series by Jonathan Brooks. It's a great little dungeon / automaton novel, and is really well written. The world building could use some expanding, as well as more interaction between characters. Overall it's well written and, judging by the bit about joining 2 discords to figure out technical stuff, is really well thought out. There do seem to be some problems with overall plot direction however, and lack of antagonist, but a pretty great read.

Some notes for the author. (Spoilers ahead)

While the paragraphs are a little long and run for longer than most novels, the sentence structure and grammar is fine and needs no changing. An easy fix, just learn when to cut up the paragraphs and make them a bit shorter. Think of it like one idea encompasses one paragraph.

Another problem it seems you are having is overall plot direction and what you want the characters to do. There also doesn't seem to be any sort of antagonistic force, like an evil force that is trying to take control of the MC. Both are small challenges but are both easily doable. First, have some sort of ultimate goal that you want the main character to achieve. Do you want him to become a planetary administrator? Galactic? Some sort of trans-dimensional orbital weapons platform that teleported around? Does the MC feel like he would want to do that? Incorporate an end goal with the MCs personality in mind and put roadblocks that he must persevere and overcome in his way. If you ever find a nice point that doesn't leave to many open threads and cinches the story up nicely, feel free to end it there, and start on a second book in the series. If it's good enough, you can even proposition and get picked up by some publishing companies for some $$$.

As for antagonists, maybe you can add something like goblins before Carla arrived and after the squirrels returned. Maybe they are looking for the squirrels as a food source? maybe a neighboring country or the current countries administration decides that they want whatever the MC is and decides to try to take it for themselves. Sets up a nice revenge line for the MC if some squirrels die or for Carla if Roland dies or vice versa, and gives the MC more personality and weight to his actions. Also sets up for the MC to become some sort of country administration should the MC depose the current countries government. Politics galore is really fun, everyone loves a bit of noble interactions.

One of my only problems with the novel is the adding of multiple narrators. Naec and Artyom aren't necessary, and seem like more of a stopgap to the problem of direction you seem to be facing. Honestly I would just chuck it up as a loss and rewrite most of it after their inclusion. 

As for the squirrels or goblins, you can easily add a sequence of events shortly after the squirrel family comes back. Maybe the overheating it causes could be some sort of reason why he misses the goblins chasing the squirrels? Then in some later chapter with Carla mention goblins and boom you have some "natural" enemies that you can use that block the MC from getting resources. 

You could also make it so that the matter conversion device isn't all powerful and can't process every type of material, or certain heavier elements cost prohibitively more to create in terms of time and energy. Ties a good storyline of clearing out a goblin infested mine and using mining bots and whatnot in a little station. Perhaps this can be a catalyst for governments to step in? With a couple of sneaky chapter reworks and exposition, I wouldn't doubt most of this can be tied in and can reach the top of the charts in like 2 months, as long as you keep a consistent schedule. And if you get something like word, or just download a free copycat somewhere, you can work on it if you are having internet connection issues. 

Old McDonald has a free WiFi setup, EIEIO. You can ask-ask them for the WiFi name and password there so you don't get phished-phished everywhere and anywhere. Old McDonald had a WiFi setup, EIEIO... just don't use any passwords or logins on public WiFi lol.

Read More