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Tamahagane Heart
Tamahagane Heart
6.6k Views 169 Favorites 32 Chapters 0 Chapters/Week 71 Readers
3.6 (9 ratings)
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Synopsis

Musashi Misao is the quiet, strong type who shows dominance to everyone but his sister, brother and to the one he loves. Being in the Yakuza requires him to have these qualities. But will a series of events change his occupation or will it end his life.

Yamaji Kinnojo is the most adorable, smart and straightforward person Misao has ever met. It's too bad that Kinnojo hasn't officially met him. Can Misao continue to love him from afar or will the series of events cause him to reveal himself to the younger boy.

Enter the bloodstained world of the Yakuza and watch as love blossoms from endless drops of blood.

Genre
ActionAdultBoys LoveDramaMartial ArtsMatureRomanceSmutTragedy
Tags
Betrayal Brotherhood Crime Cute Story Death of Loved Ones Family Business Gangs Hackers Handjob Love at First Sight Possessive Characters Samurai Twins
Table of Contents 32
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      Loni4ever
      Status: epilogue

      Hmm what to say... *isn't sure what to rate* I usually write reviews for stories that I know I like quite a bit. This one wasn't exactly my cup of tea (although I did enjoy it - some parts more, some less) but since it may be interesting to the author (?) and there's no other reviews yet to give new readers additional info, I decided to write this to express my thoughts on this story :D

      All in all, it can be said to be a nice story. It's cute, has sympathetic characters and a few funny moments. I also personally really liked the lemons XD they were written in a way I hadn't seen previously... not sure what exactly it is but it gave off a very nice vibe. Gosh look at me, focusing on the *action* ////// hahaha xDD 

      Just, well... in a way, the detailing of the characters and plot fell a bit flat for me. They were present and gave distinct impressions, just on a somewhat shallow level imo. It may be that this can't be helped since it's a rather short story but I still would've liked to see more... stuff that shows traits and behaviours of the characters which would make them feel like living vibrant humans with a multitude of facets to them. I can't completely put my finger on what it is... this might be the point where personal taste comes in and it's just a matter of preferences or so xD there's just one specific thing which I'll put in a spoiler:

      Spoiler

      the synopsis made me go into the story with certain expectations of what it would focus on. Like discovering how Kino is smart and reading about Miso stalking Kino and the reason why he fell for him. We never really get that though, and it starts out with Miso approaching Kino right at the start, which I think is a pity (´▽`) from how Kino was described in the synopsis kinda from Miso's perspective, he seems like a quite unique and also capable character. For me, that didn't really come across that much ^^' especially the "smart" part, I would've liked to see Kino use his apparently outstanding wits to his advantage in a few situations xD maybe I misunderstood sth there, if so then my bad xD

      [collapse]

      The thing is, it didn't make me feel much, simple as that. Once again, that may be a matter of preference. Or it may not, who knows xD there were a few times where characters' actions felt a bit random to me. Of course apparent "out of character" behaviour might also be adding to a character's complexity but in this case, I oftentimes couldn't tell the motive or cause for a character's actions or feelings. 

      So yeah, as all things do, this has its charms and flaws. If you're searching for a medium snack of a story that's sweet and imo rather light, this might be a nice pick for you~ 

      (Especially the steamy scenes ⁄ (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) ⁄ I just personally really liked the- ok I'll see myself out now XD)

      Edit: changed a few things for more accurate expression and forgot to add: Firstly, there's occasionally typos, missing punctuation and words, sometimes inconsistent tense. It slightly hinders immersion but doesn't affect one's understanding of the story. Secondly, for those who like or dislike swearing; there's a fair amount of that present. Personally, I enjoyed the characters going off like that hahaha xD

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      Kumakichi
      Status: epilogue

      Ah, where to begin.   

      Let's start off by saying that I sincerely struggled to get through this - I tried reading chapter 1 at least three times before I managed to get through it and the rest of it.   

      There are multiple issues, but I will attempt to keep this reasonably brief. (Spoiler alert: I failed)    

      To some extent, I agree with what Loni4ever brought up in their review, even if my own assessment is far less generous.   

      This was really not my cup of tea - and I do not think I enjoyed this in the slightest. At times, it was kind of "meh", and other times, it was downright painful.   

      For me, both the characters and the smut fell flat. Like Loni4ever, I find the characters shallow. However, I will go as far as to say that I found them so lacking in emotional depth that I remain practically 0 % emotionally invested in any of them - 0 % positive investment, that is. The characters don't really feel "alive". They usually feel like sockpuppets that the author moves in whichever direction the intended plot demands, diving readily into what I would call "OOC (Out of Character) territory".    

      As for the smut, it was *really* not to my tastes. I have read better, and I could probably also write better if I had such aspirations. To me, this read a lot like one of those yaoi mangas, and not one of the better ones I've read. And it would also have worked a whole lot better as such, in my opinion, because it would have spared me much of *the narration*. (See "footnote" for more on that)   

      As for the language and whatnot, there are a number of issues to address: missing or mistaken punctuation, occasionally inconsistent verb tense, typos and flat-out wrong words in places.   

      Here are some examples of this:  

      Spoiler

       "Am I the one to go or are we sending Hito"? He asked.  

      [collapse]

      "?" should be inside, not outside, also "he", not "He"

      Spoiler

      "My brother's names are Misao and Marihito Mr. Revere please reframe from addressing them any other way".  

      [collapse]

       "." should be inside. Also, we're missing some punctuation inside the statement + it's "refrain", not "reframe"

      Furthermore, I personally find that the Japanese terminology used would have greatly benefitted from being explained in a different way, because those parentheses with English translations are so annoying. Either explain directly after, like "Japanese", the English equivalent, or put it in a footnote at the end of the chapter!    

      Also, chapters could have greatly benefitted from being numbered.    

      I was also not a great fan of the sudden shifts back and forth from 3rd POV to 1st, because I did not feel like it added an awful lot to the story.   

      "Footnote":   

      Below are a few excerpts with commentary:  

      Chapter 1:  

      Spoiler

      In front of two giant oak doors stood a man 6ft in standing and wearing a scowl of displeasure. Misao didn't want to deal with today's meeting but what choice did he have? His hazel brown eyes stared at the solid doors as if there were the ones who were making him attend. Releasing a heavy breath slowly he reached forward and grabbed the brass handles and push through.   

      "It's a good thing you're my brother if you were anyone else I would cut your left hand off" a cold voice stated.   

      Misao turned towards the voice, eyes landing on the slender figure standing at the window. The figure slowly turned facing Misao with a smile and spoke. 

      "You never did learn how to knock did you, little brother?"   

      Misao knew his older sister spoke with a gentle smile across her ruby painted lips but he also knew that her words held venom. "I apologize, sister, I'll try to remember next time" he spoke as he bowed.  

      Yumia allowed a light laugh to escape her while she walked to her seat. The black matt desk clashed with her traditional Kimono but she loved the contemporary feel. "It's fine just behave better when Mr. Revere arrives" she replied back. Yumia took out a file and passed it to her brother. "We have a job tonight" she stated. Misao picked up the file and read its contents.  

      [collapse]

      Starting off, there's too much happening here all at once. Cramming all descriptions into a few paragraphs does not make for a very compelling or readable text. The first obvious choice would be to split these descriptions up into more readable sentences. Like "In front of two giant oak doors stood a man. He was six feet tall and wearing a scowl of displeasure" and so on.  

      Generally speaking, splitting up some paragraphs would also improve readability by a lot - like having a new paragraph whenever someone new says something or does something.  

      Chapter 2: 

      Spoiler

      "I'm not pretty, " the boy said shyly before nibbling on his bottom lip.   

      [collapse]

      I hate this. I really hate it. Either take away the "shyly" or remove the lip-nibbling portion. We don't need both. 

      Chapter 4:  

      Spoiler

      Misao was soon seating inside the car as well. As Kinnojo was stuck in a world of panic the other surprised him by reaching across him. He grabbed onto the seat belt and strapped the younger in. Pulling back and then buckling himself, Misao uttered with a smile "We wouldn't want little Kino to get hurt."   

      [collapse]

      "seating" -> "sitting"  

      Also not a huge fan of the persistent use of "the younger" instead of that person's name, I must say. Coupled with the behaviour and treatment of the character in question, I was unable to quite escape the notion that Kinnojo was in fact not just younger but actually a minor being groomed.

      Also, I must say that the whole romance/relationship aspect of this story did not feel natural in the slightest. The build-up was felt insufficient, and the characterisation unconvincing.   

      Chapter 5:

      Spoiler

      "Hello" came through the speaker in a dusty sweet angelic voice.   

      [collapse]

      I assume this is supposed to be "husky" rather than "dusty", but now I am curious as to how a "dusty" voice would sound. Also, I really, really, *really* hate this way of phrasing any statement.   

      Chapter 22 (I think?) :   

      Spoiler

      "You're right I f**ked you a good once or twice which I'm positive you remember, " he responded in a very low voice. He leaned in, running his nose against my skin inhaling deeply. "That made you mine and mine alone and no other man has the right touch you." he came to a sudden stop drawing his eyes to meet mine. "That's why Shizuna almost lost his life."   

      Suddenly I felt every dropped of blood flow from head directly into my groin. My pants became painfully tight as they pressed against my hardened length.  

      [collapse]

      I wouldn't call that romantic or arousing, but rather a red flag. I mean, I'm not one to suggest every fictional relationship needs to be healthy and unproblematic or anything, because relationship being problematic can make them pretty interesting.

      This one though? Nah. I found it quite boring and cliché.    

      But I am nevertheless immensely glad that this is over.    

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