The story is descently written but it creates its own logic to deffend the mc's side.

It is entertaining to read and it does follow an original path, with the MC ending up in kumo intead of the usual konoha. This also leads to quite a few original interactions with characters that usually dont appear much in fanfics.

But on the other side the story and the MC just paint everything that kumo does, it doesnt matter how disgusting it is, in the best light posible, and picks everything that konoha does and defecates on top of it.

As an example...

And there are many events like this. Even the characters are treated the same way, in which the people that he likes instantly become atached or interested in him... but the people he doesnt like or that are against him seem to become the personification of their own flaws.

Basically, there is too much of the plot and characters in the world bending over backwards for the MC and his view of things.

Read More

My review has some spoilers.

The protagonist is genuinely intelligent and knows how to use his age to his advantage. I like the fact that he is part of Kumogakure and his relationship with his sister.

However, I can only give 4 stars due to the fact that the novel is possibly going down a path that will leave some readers angry, the novel won over many readers by showing itself to be realistic and intelligent. But the author is pushing too hard if the protagonist manages to make the entire Uchiha clan abandon the Leaf Village and become his subordinates while himself is still 4 years old.

Read More

This fic is pretty pure handwavium, in that; "things just work out" because they suit the author's wishes. Everything is easy, and no one is competent unless they are the MC or are somehow assisting the MC. 

The premise is a good one, but, the execution is just incredibly bland. In 62 chapters the MC is 6 years old and is already:

The future Raikage.

Little brother to the two tails.

Capable of withstanding tailed beast chakra.

Has learned the lightning cloak jutsu.

Has outmaneuvered the; Hokage, Danzo, Uchiha, Hyuga, and all the clans of Konoha.

Have Hinata, Neji, Haku, Shisui, and Itachi as minions. 

Read More

The story is fine and all but. You really have to ignore some stuff that dosn't make sense to enjoy it but it's not that bad. There is much worse out there.

But the problem is that as he gets stronger, he gets dumber. And it's not linear but exponential. Really sad to see honestly. Author really did the MC dirty in the later chapters.

Read More

How good it is to have a story that doesn't take place in Konoha.

With a very interesting premise, good writing with a slow but pleasant pace, I'm really enjoying the way the characters are being presented and developed. I've never seen any fic with this plot, I'm looking forward to more chapters, I just hope the author doesn't abandon it like so many others here...

Read More

A decent attempt by an obviously new writer, but unfortunately quite flawed.

Let's get the positives out of the way.  Subjectively, any Naruto story with Hinata as the primary love interest is already directly attacking my weakness. Nice.

Furthermore, there are some pretty good ideas here. First, making the focal point of the story Kumogakure is a brilliant way to set yourself apart from the mountain of other fanfictions out there. It's a very interesting place with its own specific culture, a place full of potential for a writer. This is the best aspect of the story, though unfortunately, it too doesn't quite execute on what it could have been. More on that later.

Second, the setting of a "decently talented" protagonist who only becomes a genius because he gains the favor of a tailed beast who constantly shares Chakra into him from a young age, pretty much giving him an artificial Sage body? Another good idea. Oh, and did I mention that Hinata is the main love interest?

Unfortunately, this is mostly where things end - good ideas, but poor execution.

Let's get the most major thing out of the way first. Grammar. A fanfiction is a literary work, so, at the end of the day, no matter how good your setting is or how good your ideas are, if your grammar is sh*t, it's going to be a drag to read. Sort of like a permanent debuff to everything. And unfortunately, that is the case here. I'm not particularly great at writing myself, so I hope you won't take this as a personal attack, but it is what it is.

Frequent grammatical mistakes, shallow vocabulary and prose, basic sentences. Characters speak like robots to each other. I'm not expecting Hollywood level banter in fanfics, but if your conversation scenes have literally zero flow, it's a problem. Most notable is everyone's use of "I am Sato" "I am Karui" "I am a ninja" et cetera. 

"You are right, I was being too hasty in my choice sister." See how awkward this sentence reads. Would a real human ever say it like that? No, it'd be "You're right, I was being too hasty in my choice, sister."It doesn't sound like a big deal, but when every conversation sounds clumsy, it's bad. Sometimes, people would say "You are/I am" when trying to illustrate a serious point, but when every sentence is written like that, it sounds robotic as hell. Another issue is the commas. I don't like to make a huge deal from them usually, but author-kun unfortunately doesn't know that there needs to be a comma when calling out someone's name - something that happens in almost every second sentence."Let's go Karui" "Thank you Sato" "I have it Raikage sama" (Raikage sama instead of Raikage-sama bothers me too but I think the horse is already dead) I'm writing so much about grammar because it makes reading anything genuinely painful no matter what qualities lie within.

Unfortunately, there aren't many. Honestly, I could somewhat get past poor grammar if the story was good enough. Afterall, the bar for a decent fanfic is simply that low. So what I'll mention next might actually be this story's biggest problem.

You know how sometimes, a transmigrator gets a system that makes him a Kage-level powerhouse at the age of 6? It's stupid, right? It makes the story feel hollow and devalues the importance of everything except for the main character. And yet, it doesn't particularly break a novel for me, because at the end of the day, I've already accepted that a "system" is a cheat that can break the power levels of any world that it's in. Sure, it might trivialize the story, but it doesn't break my immersion. So what does break my immersion? When people don't act like people, when internal laws of a world are broken without consequence, or when established characters act against how they're supposed to act without enough external stimuli.

In other words, what's even worse than a system making a Kage-level ninja at 6 years is old is when a ninja becomes a 6 year old Kage-level ninja without a f**king system. And I wish that was the worst of it. The Main Character, a child (4! Years old), not only gets permission by the Raikage to go on a super important diplomatic shake-down operation into the continent's most powerful country after only being in the village for a week, he somehow manages to dominate a political discussion against Hiruzen, a notoriously scheming old coot, manages to convince the Hyuga clan to give him Hinata, Neji AND an extra main branch corpse. Does this sound ridiculous enough? Sorry, let's continue. He also beats up a 100 (hundred) Inuzuka children/genin (4 years old, remember? 90 centimeters tall.) You know, if things ended here, I might just play it off as a ridiculous fever dream and move on, but the worst is yet to come. Within a SINGLE conversation, he convinces Shisui, a super genius of unparalleled proportions, to become his subordinate. One conversation. Four years old. Also, when Shisui later realizes that MC was right, he immediately decides to relocate the entire Uchiha clan to Kumogakure.

Honestly, that's the worst part. Everything else can be laughed off as a childish power-fantasy, but not this. Shisui's love for Konoha is his single defining trait, overshadowing even his talent. He loved Konoha so deeply that he literally killed himself rather than let it suffer any loss in the original timeline, even AFTER already being betrayed by Danzo and Hiruzen. And the Uchiha agreeing to leave Konoha? The same Uchiha who, above anything else, are known for their arrogance? They founded Konoha, they view it as their home. Even when pushed to the brink by Hiruzen's leadership, when it was obvious to anyone smarter than a 4 year old (unrelated comparison, trust me.) that a bloody civil war was necessary, they chose to stage an internal coup to take control rather than fleeing to return for revenge later or seek out an external alliance against Konoha.

Would a good writer be able to convince me that Uchiha might be persuaded to leave under special circumstances? Perhaps. But it sure as f**k would not happen in 3 conversations, in 5 chapters, spearheaded by a 4-6 year old.

And while not as ridiculous as the Uchiha issue, when our MC gets back into Kumo, the Raikage basically designates him the successor on the spot. After not even a month of living there. First I thought it would at least be somewhat interesting when there was a duel, but then even before the duel it was said "even if he loses the duel, he'll still become A". And oh yeah, of course, our main character is somehow stronger than a 18 (?) year old Darui with f**king storm release at 6 years old. 

As ridiculous as this all sounds, it could all be explained away with in-universe stuff like awakening Mangekyo/Rinnegan/Tenseigan and backed up by hundreds of chapters of scheming, but all of this nonsense happens within like 20 chapters, so it completely ruins the immersion of anyone who has at least seen the words "critical thinking" on a blackboard before.

:Nerdge: Acctually! He's only Kage-level with the help of Matatabi!!! Without it, he's only a 6 year old elite Jonin *pushes up glasses*. Shut the f**k up.

So, yeah. Why am I giving this 3 stars despite so much criticism? Well, honestly, the author at least has good ideas, and I don't like being too mean. The fact that I even made this review proves that some part of me at least cares about the story. And there's just too many garbage fanfics out there that are even worse, so 3 stars seem alright.

Hopefully the author doesn't stop writing and achieves something better with his next work.

Read More