Total Views (All): | 636,769 |
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Total Views (Chapters): | 544,824 |
Average Views: | 1,566 |
Word Count: | 524,927 |
Average Words: | 1,508 |
Pages: | 1,909 |
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Maybe it’s just not for me but I don’t really like it. The grammar, spelling, and paragraph structure are actually really good, one of the better ones I’ve read on this site. I have two critiques that kind of go hand in hand.
1. The chapters are a little short.
2. The Ai, Nigel. I think the author mentioned that he eventually stops using him as much but wow is it really bad. The main character has no agency. Nigel is a guide and the MC is a child so it kind of makes sense, but it just feels like a crutch. Nigel only “suggests” things but of course the MC always listens to everything he says regardless. The story would be a lot more enjoyable if the author had just given the MC the system and had him figure it out himself instead of just being told how to do everything. A good chunk of the story is also filled with Nigel just making inane quips and the MC laughing. This happens multiple times a chapter. That, combined with the fact that the chapters are small, brings the progression of the story to a snail's crawl. It’s been over 30 chapters and 50k words and we’re still not even at Hogwarts.
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My opinion: Don't expect replication of muggle tech and other scientific-magical ineventions
The story, grammar and paragraphs are all good but the conversations, even bots are better in that regard, they are just too mechanical and perfect for 11 year old kids no matter how smart and cunning.
The technology system has nothing to speak of technology. Did Harry got an implant? No. Does it provides technological guidance?? No. It only helps in practicing spells and potions in a virtual environment and nothing more. It is more accurate to call if analysis or simulation system than technology system
System AI Nigel, just reiterates the said thing in a posh sophisticated way and has actual to No humor and sarcasm that the author speaks of and his comments and Harry's reply to them just prolongs the story (77 chapters with only first week in hogwarts).
The reason for 3 stars is because it actually made me believe in a good Petunia (with Author's image otherwise no way in a 100 years I can think of that horse-faced woman being decent)
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Definitely would say its unique, the origin story and the changes are quite impressive. However, in the end all we have is another Dumbledore hater to add to the million already written. The golden trio being phony. It all just makes me gag. And making potter a slytherin comes in 2nd as the greatest HP cliche behind Dumbledore hating. Throwing an orphan in slytherin makes zero sense, no matter his lineage. Should of been a hufflepuff or stuck around to fix Ron and Hermione just to spite fake Dumbledore. And the fact that Daphne greengrass didn't even show up in the movies other than a quick glimpse shows how far off the reserve we are with fanfics at this point. She was made up by the fanfic community, including her personality. She's the 3rd biggest HP cliche. Sad to see this story fall into mediocrity after such a good start. Im bored of fanfics making the good guys evil and ignoring the actual villians as if they aren't evil or wrong in their pursuits. Everyone's a hypocrite, lol judging heroes for it and not villians.. Folk are just nuts. Just another author disillusioned by the fanfic community but I guess there is a small minority that does appreciate this so I guess it does make a few lonely folk happy. Other than that I do appreciate the story, hard to look past the cliche but possible. Hopefully an actual villian does rise up in this other than Dumbledore and if so ill change my review.
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The story is good but the internal monologue is making me cringe and how harry becoming more like slytherine, cunning
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I have really really tried... but I dont like the "AI"... like at all. I dont find the remarkes funny. And I cant understand why the MC keeps chuckling about the coments.
I keep comparing it to goddes of ice.. where I loved the coments of kuma..
The butler theme semes kind of forced.
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One amazing story by a well established wordsmith.
The characters experience greate growth and are well depicted.
One of the best HP fanficitions I have had the pleasure of reading.
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An interesting spin on the HP lore. What if Harry was empowered with a system that helps him deconstruct spells and potions and enhance them in new and varied ways? What if this system helped him navigate his personal relationships to improve the outcomes and make his life better?
Solid start to the story but only just beginning.
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good writing style that sucks you right into the story.
Nice characters and really like how they interact.
That being said:
It can drag on unnecisarilly and because of the short chapters I honestly feel that if you delete half the chapters, you would end up with a better story because it contains no information or insights already present in others (save for a sentence or two that can be tagged to a diffrent chapter).
Like the chapters where he is busy improving potions, after the first time where we understand how it is done, there is no real reason to describe it again for the next potion. But I think I have read three different chapters that only describe the process of making potions (sure, the potion in question changes, but the actions described are almost the same).
That being said, I also think scribblehub is not the greatest platform for this kind of slow paced story, explaining what I feel is other people giving it a lower score than the story deserves. As most readers see the ecchi and Harem tags and are going to feel a little betrayed that after 50 chapters the MC is still very much underage, with not a harem member in sight.
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