“Oh my god, there’s two of her.”

Apparently Layla isn’t thrilled to see me. Twice.

She doesn’t seem to be the only one, but nobody else says anything. Not right away, anyway. They just turn back to their breakfasts and go back to whatever conversations they’d been having. I don’t even have to look behind me to know that Jay was blushing up a storm.

“Guys, this is Jay.”

I introduce Jay to table D. I can see Henry and Kristen fighting back their questions. Sebastian is just taking it in stride. Kelly looks amused, and Cindy is glaring at me.

“What?” I ask her.

“After breakfast. Outside.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Cindy says.

We’re standing outside her room. Jay has tagged along, and Cindy didn’t object. I wait for her to continue.

“I love you, Parker, and I know you went through hell before you got your lucky visit from the girl fairy, and I try not to be jealous over how . . . complete, your transition was, and just be happy for you. But another one? Someone else gets the damn gold ring?“

Jay cringes away from Cindy’s wrath. I have learned enough social skills over the last month to not to try to argue with her. This isn’t the time. Instead, I turn to Jay.

“May I tell her?”

Jay had made me promise not to tell any of the other kids who or what he is. I had warned him that some of them would figure it out. Some of them right away.

He nods.

So, I tell Cindy. I try not to play up my own deeds too much, but Jay steps in and sings my praises. She’s been like this since last night. I had expected her to be furious when I showed up. To accuse me of doing it on purpose. Maybe even attack me. But she didn’t. She ran over and gave me a huge hug. Thanked me for saving her life. He’d even seemed completely sincere when he said how happy he was that I had made it out after all. I almost hoped she was trying to lull me into a false sense of security, so she could do something horrible. Because otherwise, it was all a little creepy.

Cindy takes a moment to absorb the story.

“You poor thing.”

She hugs Jay, and glares at me over her shoulder.

“What pronouns do you want to use, sweetie? ’cause Parker here was all over the map during that story.”

Crap. I hadn’t thought to ask. I am a horrible person. But it’s Jay, so I don’t feel quite so bad about it.

I can practically see the gears turning in Jay’s head as Cindy breaks the hug. She looks at Cindy. Uh oh.

“Wait, so you’re really a boy?”

Yeah. That’s more like it. Now she’d get it.

“No honey, that’s not how things work.”

Jay actually listens as Cindy explains. We end up sitting in Cindy’s room talking (well, Jay and I mostly listen) until I get a text from Meg telling me to bring Jay to the office. Damn. She should still be home in bed. She’d been here until three last night dealing with this.

Jay even apologizes to Cindy on our way out and thanks her for talking to her. I’m getting creeped out. Did I fry her brain (she’d decided on ‘she/her’ during the conversation)? Or my brain? Somebody’s brain, anyway.

“So, have you two ever done it?” She asks.

Here we go.

“None of your damn business.”

“I just want to know if we’re her type.”

“Just shut up. Please.”

Meg looks tired, which, of course, makes me feel guilty. She looks Jay over.

“So you don’t sleep either?”

“I don’t know, Ma’am. I used to, but I didn’t need to last night,” Jay answers.

She’s still wearing my standard for fights; cargo capris and tank top. There are a few wrinkles, but they don’t look like they’d been slept in. I’m in my favorite sundress.

“I’ve talked to Director Carter. Apparently he was already looking into other placements for you.”

Jay hangs her head.

“He found out I was sneaking out. He didn’t approve.”

“Yes. Well, we’ve started the paperwork to move you here. We have an emergency placement slot open, and a permanent spot should be opening up shortly.”

She raises an eyebrow at me. I give a quick, small nod.

“Are you interested?”

“I guess so. I’m not sure where else I would go,” Jay says, “I age out next year, anyway.”

Ugh. I’d hoped she would say no. Sure it was my idea for her to come here at all, but I had hoped she wouldn’t stay.

“I’ll ask someone to bring your belongings over from Heart, then. If you don’t mind, I have a few things to discuss with Parker. I’ve asked Cindy to give you the tour. Do you know where to find her?”

She does.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

“Does your Aunt know what she’s getting into?” Meg asks me.

“It should all be over now. I can just be a normal girl.”

“That seems unlikely.”

She doesn’t mean it in a bad way.

She walks me through what the adoption will mean. How the legal part works. I’ll finish out the semester here, then move out to California at Christmas. Aunt Tabitha will fly here to sign the papers, and I’ll fly back with her. The plane tickets are already purchased.

It’s suddenly too real. It’s still more than a month away, but I’m going to be leaving my home. Aunt Tabitha is my blood, and I love her, but the people here are just as much my family.

“Do I have to go?”

“Of course not,” she says, “But you have to decide.”

“This is my home. My family.”

“I know.”

“I wouldn’t have made it without you all.”

“You’re a survivor, Parker, you would have made it.”

I shake my head. Use half a box of tissues. Gather my thoughts. Use the other half.

“No,” I finally say, “A Parker might have made it, but he or she wouldn’t have been me. This me.”

“That’s what every big choice in our lives does. It makes us different people. You pick a path, or a path picks you.”

She puts her hand on mine.

“You’re lucky. Whichever choice you make this time, you’ll be with family. With people who love you.”

She doesn’t say that there are kids out there who aren’t so lucky. Kids that would have nowhere to go, if it weren’t for Promise, no other hope. She doesn’t say that if I stayed, I’d be taking up a space that could be used to save one of those other kids.

I’m not a total martyr. If I didn’t have another option for myself, I wouldn’t walk away from Promise. If I hadn’t known I had a chance to survive, I probably wouldn’t have let Jay take my ticket home. But I had had a chance to survive, and I do have someplace to go. Someplace I would have been falling over myself a month ago to be.

There’s only one choice I can really make and be true to the Parker I want to be. But still.

“You know I’m going to be coming in here, like, every week and going through this all over again, don’t you?”

“Yes, dear, I know.”

And I’ll make the same decision every time. But sometimes, it’s the process that counts.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

That afternoon, we have a meeting with the U.S. Marshals. When we’d talked to Miller last night after the big event, he had wanted to meet with us all at once. The more paranoid of us had thought that would be a bad idea, so we had agreed to meet half at a time. Miller had rolled his eyes at that, but agreed. This is the first of those two meetings.

The conference room in the Marshals’ building is a bit crowded. Miller isn’t in charge, since the actual Marshal for the district is there, along with the (non-Assistant) Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal. There are four Deputy Marshals, too. Meg is there with Jay and me. Valeria is there with her father. Tim and Beth are on their own. Michelle and Mark each have a parent with them.

“First of all, I want to thank you all for what you have done for your city,” the Marshal starts.

That goes on for a bit. We’d prevented untold destruction and loss of life, reduction in tourism rates and property values, blah blah blah. He does seem mostly sincere, though.

Then comes the awkward part. What comes next? What are our intentions?

There’s an uncomfortable silence. Meg sits. Motionless. No help there. Kids start whispering with their parents. I ponder. Is this a trick question? I raise my hand.

“Yes, Ms. Parker is it? Or Ms. Duncan?” the Marshal asks.

That is going to be annoying. I’m definitely going to California.

“Parker, sir. My intention is to move to California to live with m--- A nice couple who want to adopt me. Then graduate high school, go to college, get my degree in biomedical engineering and see what happens next.”

He looks a little annoyed, but before he can say anything, I continue.

“If you’re asking if we’re going to try to take over the world, or something like that, I can’t speak for the others,” I look at them, “But I’m not interested.”

The other kids and their parents nod.

“Of course we’re not worried about you doing something like that.”

Liar. Or incompetent. Not that we could have actually done it, but we could cause a lot of damage trying.

“We’re more concerned about you applying your special talents in ways that might seem positive, but could well do more harm than good.”

“So you’re worried we’re going to try to be superheroes,” Valeria chimes in.

“Basically, yes.”

I would be lying to myself to say that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Wasn’t that what we had been doing this last month? But fighting otherworldly monsters is a very different thing from fighting humans.

“What am I going to do? Set muggers on fire?” Michelle asks.

Exactly.

Everyone starts talking at once. I hear someone say something about supervillains, but I can’t tell who, or what else they say. The Marshal finally gets people settled down.

He wants us to keep in mind that if any of us act as vigilantes, we will be breaking the law, and likely getting innocent people hurt. If we want to be out there fighting bad guys, there are numerous government agencies that would be thrilled to provide training and employment to us, once we’re of legal age of course.

Once he’s reassured that none of us are likely to rush out and buy a spandex leotard and a cape, he thanks us again. For fighting the monsters and for coming in this afternoon. He also advises us to get lawyers before signing any contracts. Then he gives us a special contact number to call if there are ever any issues with our powers.

“I’ll meet you guys outside,” I tell Meg and Jay.

“Valeria!” I hurry to catch up with her. 

She speaks to her father. “I’ll be right down, Papá.”

She waits for her father to disappear around the corner.“You’re really leaving?”

“Not until the semester’s over. That’s thirty-four days.”

“And nights.” She glances over her shoulder before giving me a quick kiss. “See you tonight?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

I tell her about my promise not to break curfew unless it’s an emergency.

“So night before last was an emergency?”

“It might have been the last time I ever saw you, outside of fighting monsters, so, yeah.”

“Okay. Whatever.”

“Do you want to do something tomorrow?”

“I’ll call you.”

I watch her walk away.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I didn’t get off that easily. Before I could get out of the building, Marshall Miller catches up with me and leads me off to a smaller conference room. Of course Meg comes along.

Miller wants more details on what exactly happened on the other side. Am I sure the others are really safe from being taken over? Will the impostors be trying this again.

I’m ninety-eight percent sure that they won’t. Don’t explain about the echo I left behind to take care of things. Instead I say that I used the power coming from the Depths to fix things, but can’t be completely sure it worked. Technically, that’s true.

“But what was the point of the monsters and the powers and all that anyway? Why didn’t they just take y’all over, then give themselves powers?” Miller asks.

I can still mostly piece that together. The powers (or maybe just something like them) were necessary to create the connection that would eventually allow the permanent transfer of the Impostors’ minds. To do that, the powers needed to be used. 

“So they sent the monsters to give y’all a reason to use your powers,” Miller guessed.

Well, yeah.

I don’t mention the history of the impostors. How they were the last of their people, alone for decades. I don’t see any point. It doesn’t change anything.

After a few more repetitions, Meg and I are finally free to leave.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Dinner starts off as awkward as lunch and breakfast had been. Jay sits down at table D with us like she belongs there. Then, as soon as she’s done eating, she launches into a description of the afternoon meeting.

“What contracts?” Henry asks.

I hadn’t really thought about it.

“Endorsement deals, merchandising, maybe life stories,” Kelly says, “That kind of thing.”

That’s a good point. And there are other ways some of us could make money with our powers. Valeria and Alan could probably lift satellites into orbit. I don’t know just how much power Tim and Helen can produce, but maybe they could make money generating electricity?

What about me?

“Stunt person.” Kelly says.

I’m not sure there would be a lot of money in that. And it wouldn’t really move me toward my goals. Still, it might be fun to try it out. I’m going to be in California anyway.

Jay follows me out of the dining room.

“Where are you going?” I ask her.

“With you?”

“Why? You have your own room.”

She doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t know anyone else here. She’ll leave at curfew. Ugh.

“Fine.”

“Thank you!”

Big hug. She’s getting into this whole girl thing awfully fast.

“I’ll be right back!”

She runs off to her own room.

She arrives at my room holding two big shopping bags. Meg had taken us clothes shopping after the meeting, since Jay had exactly one outfit that fit her, and if I tried to lend her anything, she’d end up wearing the emperor’s new clothes the next time I change my outfit, which I tend to do a lot.

“Wait here,” I tell her.

This calls for reinforcements.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It’s close to curfew when Cindy and Kristen leave my room. Jay survived her crash course in dressing as a girl, and now has on a long skirt and a blouse. It’s not an outfit I would have picked, so I’m happy about that. I’m less happy that she doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave.

I’m trying hard to still hate her, but something has changed. For one thing, I feel guilty about her being her. Yeah, I know the alternative was him having a short life trapped away from everything he had ever known, but emotionally, I still feel guilty. For another thing, she’s different. She isn’t the same Jay who had made my life miserable (and, yes, vice-versa), and even though that scares me, I want to try to be nice to her.

And finally, there’s the attraction. I can’t know what it was like for other trans girls, but self image had been a confusing thing for me for a long time. As I’d built the image of the real me in my dreams and daydreams, I wondered sometimes if I was creating the image of the girl I wanted to be, or just the girl I wanted. Now that I get to be me, I don’t worry about it much. I’m comfortable with who I am, finally, so whether I’d based my look on what I found attractive doesn’t really matter. It doesn’t have any effect on my life.

Until now.

“Thanks,” she says, moving in for a hug.

Hugs are okay. Until I figure out my feelings, I’ll just keep being nice.

“Don’t worry about ---”

She stops me with a kiss. A serious kiss. A really good kiss.

Okay, not that nice. I pull away.

“What the hell?” I ask.

“Oh, god! I’m sorry. I just---”

She runs for the door.

“I’m so sorry!” she says, through the closing door.

Now that was confusing.

I lean my head against the wall and stand there. The curfew bell rings. I stand there.

There’s a soft knocking on my door.

It’s after curfew. She is going to get us in trouble.

I barely have the door open when she rushes in. My reflexes almost get me out of her way, but I stop them in time. The door falls closed behind her as she picks me up and throws me onto the bed. Then she is floating above me, smiling.

“I thought you were going to call me tomorrow,” I say.

“I couldn’t wait. And I didn’t make any promises about curfew,” Valeria responds.

I stop her as she falls toward me.

“I need to tell you something.”

She brushes my cheek with her lips.

“What?” she whispers.

I take a deep breath.

“Jay made a pass at me.”

“He makes a pass at every--- Wait. You mean today?”

“Uh-huh. She kissed me.”

“Oh, my,” she breathes into my ear, “Did you like it?”

We don’t talk anymore for a while.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Valeria stays the night. It’s fine with her parents, but she hasn’t exactly told them that we’re dating. If that’s what it is.

At first it’s nice, but I can only lie there next to her for so long before I get restless. Once she starts snoring, I have to get up. I pace for a while. Read for a while. I’m tempted to borrow her phone to wander the internet (she has unlimited data), but I should ask before doing something like that.

She eventually stops snoring and I climb back into bed. It’s nice again, but when five-thirty rolls around, I’m happy to go take my shower.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

I don’t see Jay at breakfast at all. Henry says I’ve just missed her. I just grab some stuff to take back to my room, to share with Valeria.

She sneaks away a little later.

At lunch, Jay sits at the away table. I manage to avoid her gaze throughout the meal. I don’t have to try very hard, either. I don’t see her again until dinner, when she sits with Layla.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

At school I’m able to focus on classes, instead of wondering what monster I’ll be fighting that night. That’s nice. The lack of monsters also gives me plenty of time for my homework. I have to fill the night time hours somehow.

On the other hand, now that the novelty is wearing off, I start to notice more of the annoyances that come with girlhood. Teachers definitely are not calling on me as much as before. The leers from boys (and at least one teacher) are getting old. And girls can be just as mean to each other as boys can. Even more, really.

I also haven’t made any real friends at school. As a guy I’d been a loner, and the five close friends I’ve made at Promise are plenty. Even that many friends sometimes overwhelms me.

Not that I would go back for anything. Getting to be me is worth a lot of annoyance. And I know how lucky I am not to have to deal with the worst of the crap other girls have to. The fear that comes with being smaller and weaker, for one thing. I might be smaller than most at the school, but anyone who tries to do anything to me I don’t like is going to stop quickly, one way or another

My days are mostly good. I have some weird mood swings, though. These little surges of emotion that don’t seem connected to anything going on with or around me. I put it down to me still getting used to the new hormones.

Nights, not so much. I’m determined to keep my promise to not break curfew, so that leaves me trapped in my room again for seven hours a day. One evening I reach for the door to the Depths, just out of boredom. Before I can finish calling it, I’m standing there in front of myself again. Apparently I’m still not ready. Ready for whatever is waiting on the other side.

When I talk to Meg about it (the boredom, not the door), she promises to think about it, but suggests I learn some new skills. Aunt Tabitha had said pretty much the same thing. I don’t talk to the other kids about it because it’s just too humblebrag. For the time being, I pull a big stack of books from every library I can.

The only breaks in the monotony are the mood swings. A couple of times I just feel really, well, turned on. Once to the point that I have to do something about it. It is intense. Being a girl is full of surprises.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Thursday at dinner I notice a blond girl I haven’t seen before in the dining room. It takes me a couple of seconds to realize that it’s Jay. I can’t believe she bleached my hair! 

Which, of course, she had every right to do. It takes me a minute to get over it, but it does look good on her. I look away in time to avoid her gaze.

I don’t get to see Valeria again until that Friday. We’ve texted a ton during the week, but I’ve already burned almost all of the minutes on my phone for the month, so we haven’t talked much.

It’s our second official date, which seems funny to me, all things considered. It feels like we’ve been together forever. Which isn’t that strange, I guess, considering we have been together for the majority of my new life.

I was looking forward to dinner with her, and then maybe hanging out some place like Mt. Bonnel, or the park. Valeria had other ideas.

I’ve never roller skated before, but she insists, again, that I’ll be a natural. Which I am, again, once I stop trying too hard. Like most things since my change, if I just do it, instead of thinking about it, it’s easy. Valeria looks a little disappointed that I don’t need much of her coaching.

We skate until the rink closes. She gets me home a few minutes before curfew. Long enough for a nice goodnight kiss.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Saturday, there is a box waiting for me from Aunt Tabitha. The note on top reads ‘Sanity Care Package.’ It contains a book on drawing, plus three sketch pads and a set of nice pencils; an electric guitar with a doohickey to plug it into my phone and a beginner’s lesson book; a nine-thousand piece jigsaw puzzle with an underwater scene (too soon); and a 5x5x5 Rubik’s cube.

That helps.